Mon. Sept. 24, 2018: Upbeat Authors — Self Tolerance

Monday, September 24, 2018
Full Moon
Neptune Retrograde
Pluto Retrograde
Uranus Retrograde

We’re still on the topic of tolerance for this month’s Upbeat Authors.

So I’m going to talk about Self Tolerance.

We all have habits and things about ourselves that we don’t like, or that don’t suit our vision of the life we want to build. The only way to change them is to take action and make the changes.

However, don’t hate yourself for needing to make changes, and don’t hate yourself during the process.

As human beings, we’re not perfect. We’re also all unique, which is part of our beauty.

Although there are far too many factions, both in life and, sadly, in some fiction, that are trying to get people to conform rather than celebrate and, yes, tolerate differences, our differences should be celebrated, and they are part of what makes us stronger.

When we take the time to get to know and understand differences, we can see how the different pieces fit into the larger puzzle. That is a strength.

Instead of looking in the mirror, hating what we see, and berating ourselves about it, how about saying, “Hmm. I think it’s time to try a new look.”

Then figure out what that new look is and go for it!

Changing hairstyles or colors, deciding you want to put on or lose weight, deciding that you want to try a different color palette, or style range is fun. It is something that can be maintained as long as it works for your life and makes you feel good. It can be changed when it no longer works.

If you have a habit you want to break, or something else about how you respond to situations or something about your being that gives you difficulty or makes you unhappy, don’t be afraid or ashamed to reach out for help and support. Make informed decisions to make positive changes in your life.

You can rearrange your furniture or try a new paint color or drape lively fabrics on furniture. None of it has to be expensive. Get a feng-shui book out of the library and try a few suggestions (MOVE YOUR STUFF, CHANGE YOUR LIFE by Karen Rauch Carter is my favorite). Buy a new plant. Change the curtains (I have summer curtains, winter curtains, and spider web curtains for the month of October). All of it can be creative. It keeps my living energy and my personal energy from getting stale.

If your organizational system isn’t working, experiment with new ones. Most organizational books by so-called ‘gurus’ make me roll my eyes, but there’s one that I found useful. It’s called ORGANIZING FROM THE INSIDE OUT by Julie Morgenstern (an ex-theatre person, by the way).

I am NOT a proponent of “if you haven’t used it/worn it for a year, get rid of it” or “for every item you bring in to the house, get rid of one.” That is CRAP, in my opinion, and it’s a scheme to get you to run out of stuff and have to BUY more. In lean times, I’ve been saved by stuff I hadn’t used for years, found, and found useful. My life has too many elements in it for every item to be used all the time. They rotate around every few years, and I can shop in my closets, for both clothes and household items.

I was exhausted when I moved here. In 2010. I am only now unpacking and purging a lot of the boxes I brought along that I hadn’t had time to sort before moving. I moved my childhood home and mother, and my storage unit where I’d tossed stuff for years, and my own stuff, in less than a month. So, no, there wasn’t time to sort it all.

But I’m doing it now. I kept trying, but I kept berating myself for not doing it right away or fast enough or whatever.

You know what’s making it possible? When I shut the hell up from yelling at myself and just started to deal with it. It takes as long as it takes. I’m making a decision on each item in each box.

So be kind to yourself. Tolerate your imperfections, even while you’re working toward becoming the person you want and creating the life you envision. Celebrate the journey!

 

Mon. Sept. 17, 2018: #UpbeatAuthors The Small Pleasures Enjoyed By Others

Monday, September 17, 2018
Waxing Moon
Neptune Retrograde
Pluto Retrograde
Uranus Retrograde

In this month about the Tolerance Topic on Upbeat Authors, let’s take a minute to think about what makes other people happy.

Social media has intensified the contempt people feel the need to show for those who enjoy things that they don’t. If we are going to practice tolerance, and walk our talk, then we need to stop making fun of people for liking what they like (provided their “like” is not actively causing harm).

If someone posts something about being so happy that it’s pumpkin spice season, take pleasure in their enjoyment!

Okay, I admit, I’m not a fan of pumpkin-flavored stuff. But I like that it stands for the change of season, into my favorite season. And people get so excited when pumpkin spice season comes around. Their posts make me smile. I enjoy their enjoyment, and it brightens my day. I don’t have to be enamored of the actual flavor in order to enjoy their happiness.

If you really can’t stand what they enjoy – scroll past WITHOUT MAKING A DETRIMENTAL COMMENT. Save those comments for something that actually matters, where there’s harm being caused, such as on the political spectrum, or if someone is abusing someone else.

If someone takes joy out of strangling puppies or drowning kittens, or trophy hunting endangered species, yes, absolutely call them out and report them to the appropriate authorities. If someone threatens physical harm or performs verbal abuse as their preferred pleasure, yes, do something.

But simple pleasures, the small daily joys in people’s lives that don’t cause harm? Either enjoy the enjoyment or keep going!

I’m paraphrasing an old saying that works along the line of a trouble that’s shared is a trouble halved, but a joy that’s shared is a joy that’s doubled.

Double your joy by sharing what makes you happy, and participate in doubling the joy of those who share what matters to them.

Published in: on September 17, 2018 at 5:13 am  Comments Off on Mon. Sept. 17, 2018: #UpbeatAuthors The Small Pleasures Enjoyed By Others  
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Mon. Sept. 10, 2018: Tolerance & Reciprocity

Monday, September 10, 2018
Waxing Moon
Neptune Retrograde
Pluto Retrograde
Uranus Retrograde

September’s theme for Upbeat Authors is “tolerance.”

There are different types of tolerance, and different meanings of tolerance.

To me, “tolerance” means giving those around me enough room to be individuals, providing they aren’t hurting me or anyone else. It also means they give me the same room.

Tolerance, like respect, is a two-way street.

Often, though, I find those who scream the loudest about intolerance are the ones who want to be allowed to do and say anything and everything they want without consequence, but that no one else is allowed to do or say anything they don’t like.

These are the same who whine and rage about respect and civility – as in demanding it without giving it in return.

But all three concepts need to be reciprocal in order to have a functioning society. When they are non-reciprocal, when “power over” becomes more important, or one faction making decisions that cause harm to those they deem “different”, we run into trouble.

All of these are part of a social contract that we, as human beings, need to negotiate. Since none of us, at this point in time, is the only human on the planet, we must live in reciprocity. We want respect? We want civility? We want tolerance? Then we must also give it.

If we give it and the other party believes that makes us weak or a doormat, then yes, absolutely, we have the right to set boundaries and refuse to be mistreated.

We also are not required to tolerate that which harms us or others. Going along to get along ends up in genocide. Those who stand aside and allow it are as culpable as those who commit the acts of atrocity.

So give those around you room to be individuals, to make their unique contributions to the world. And make sure you get the same in return.

Published in: on September 9, 2018 at 11:06 pm  Comments Off on Mon. Sept. 10, 2018: Tolerance & Reciprocity  
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