Fri. Feb. 5, 2021: Die For Your Employer Day 261/MA Vaccine Distribution Failure Day 9 — Red Sky in the Morning

image courtesy of Mabel Amber via pixabay.com

Friday, February 5, 2021

Waning Moon

Mercury Retrograde

Frosty!

The second part of my article “In the Company of (Historical) Women” is up on Scriptmag. I’m putting together the PDF and sending it to those quoted in the article today.

Finished a big web project for a client yesterday, ahead of schedule. It felt good to get that done. I’ll have another such project to do for her in about a week or so.

Got out a few LOIs, worked on my article pitches for my editor, which will go out today. Finished the book for review, and that review (and the invoice) will go out this morning.

A friend sent me information on a grant opportunity, so I will put together the information for that and send it off this weekend. It’s a long shot, but again, if I don’t try, there’s NO shot. I’d rather try.

I felt off all day yesterday, physically and emotionally. I’m so bone-tired and soul-tired that I can’t stand it. I realized, this morning, that it’s almost one year (Tuesday will be one year exactly), when I wound up at urgent care and the cycle of tests/cancer/emergency surgery started. Some of this is my body doing sense memory. I never fully dealt with it all – I was so determined to keep on keeping on, I had to, with the pandemic closing in and trying to get the emergency surgery done, and all of that. I won’t be able to take the time for it until after the move, so I hope I can just hang in there until all that is done.

Polished my “personal update” for the 40th reunion, and scrolled through the posts from former classmates. I didn’t share many senior year experiences with them, because I graduated in January of our final year, spent some time in England and Scotland, and then started college early. I returned for the graduation ceremony, and then went back to college for summer semester. Even before I graduated, so much of my life was in college classes at SUNY Purchase and theatre elsewhere in the community.

That trip, in January of 1980, was my first time in Edinburgh, and began my love affair with the city.

Still no luck with vaccine appointments. Every other area of MA is vaccinating their population, but Cape Cod is being ignored. Even with the high population of elderly. That’s not acceptable. It’s not that we should be first. But we should be included.

Knowledge Unicorns was good. They’ve got their heads down, doing the work. They’re doing such excellent work. They’ve also gotten good at sharing their strengths. They have different interests and different subjects in which they excel, so they help each other. I hope they maintain some of these friendships even when we stop the homework group.

I watched CRITICAL THINKING, the movie directed by and starring John Leguizamo. It’s wonderful. So well done. I love his camera angles. I love his performance, and what he got from the actors. I love that the piece started within the class and the commitment to chess, instead of when the teacher first arrived at the school.  What a terrific piece.

Had a good morning’s work on GAMBIT COLONY. Will send off the review and the invoice, and maybe get out the article pitches before I head out to the grocery store. We need some basics – eggs, bananas, butter, coffee.

I didn’t purge any boxes yesterday, so I have to catch up today to hit my quota. And the weekend is about purging many more boxes, and getting the grant application in. And work on contest entries.

Oooh, it’s just getting light out, and it’s a red sky. Looks like the sky is on fire. Guess we’re getting some more storms.

Have a great weekend, my friends.

Mon. May 6, 2019: Inner Peace – What Does That Mean? #UpbeatAuthors

Monday, May 6, 2019
Waxing Moon
Jupiter Retrograde
Pluto Retrograde
Saturn Retrograde

I’m interested in exploring this topic with you over the month. Because I’m stymied.

“Inner Peace” is something amorphous to me. We hear a lot about it, but what does it feel like?

I honestly can think of moments when I felt it. When I felt content and calm, and happy to be in that moment.

But then life continued, and that “inner peace” fled.

I’ve read dozens of books on how to achieve it. None of them worked. Most of them were so far removed from the realities of my life that they left me more unsettled than when I started.

My conclusion from this is that I’m going to have to come up with both my own definition, and find ways to attempt it. If any of my attempts help you, I’m glad of it. If you have suggestions, feel free to drop a comment. I’m happy to hear them.

My idea of Inner Peace is to find that place in my core where I can meet the world with grace and serenity, even when I’m battened by exterior forces on all sides.

Yeah, I don’t see achieving that any time soon.

The moments I can feel it and recognize it are valuable, though. But how do I get there?

I realize that the world is not all about me. But, quite frankly, I sometimes feel that not enough of it IS about me. Constant demands are made on me to accommodate everyone around me, yet too often, they are not willing to offer me even a fraction of the same.

It’s something I’ve found increasingly frustrating over the past few years. Non-reciprocity.

No interaction will be exactly even, because we each have our own value system. But when things get too far out of balance, it causes distress, illness, and unhappiness.

There has to be at least some reciprocity, be it tangible or emotional.

Far too many people intone, in sonorous voices, about detachment and lowering expectations. I’m going to write an entire post on detachment. We will get to that. But lowering expectations? That’s part of the reason we’re in such a global societal mess in the first place. We’ve devalued intelligence and lowered expectations. The bar for basic decency is so low that it’s buried.

It’s important to remember that, whenever possible, you need to disengage from the toxic. I’m more pro-active about that now on social media. Every time I unfollow or block someone toxic, I feel like a burden has been lifted. Not just from my shoulders, but my heart.

Disengaging from toxic emotional vampires helps with inner peace.

I think of “peace” as being a quiet place, whereas “happiness” is more active.

But in order to find peace, I have to define what makes me happy.

Sometimes that means recognizing that people, situations, things I assumed were givens make me unhappy, and doing what I can to eliminate or change them. Sometimes, I don’t even realize that something or someone made me unhappy until that thing or person is no longer part of my life.

So for me, the first steps to inner peace mean recognizing what makes me happy. Naming those things and deciding how to appreciate them more in the moment, and give myself more moments with them.

Being aware of those moments of happiness while I’m IN those moments, taking what I call an “emotional snapshot” and holding the moment with gratitude makes me more aware of when they come up, and they give me a sense memory to draw on in more difficult times –and in my writing.

Writing makes me happy, even on the tough days. For me, when I need to come to center, to where it all starts for me, it always takes me back to the writing. It’s how I make sense of the world. How I make sense of myself.

For me, inner peace starts with a steady writing schedule, and a constant creation process. It starts with not allowing anyone to sabotage that process (including myself). It starts with recognizing that I am a writer to my bones and my soul, and working forward from there.

 

Published in: on May 6, 2019 at 6:25 am  Comments Off on Mon. May 6, 2019: Inner Peace – What Does That Mean? #UpbeatAuthors  
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Thursday, October 6, 2011

Thursday, October 6, 2011
Waxing Moon
Pluto Retrograde
Neptune Retrograde
Uranus Retrograde
Jupiter Retrograde
Sunny and cold

I’m over on The Writers Vineyard, talking about falling in love with your work. Stop by and drop a comment.

We had to turn on the heat. Yup, it’s that cold.

Worked with my students yesterday, and will have to work most of the day today with them. Working on the assignment for Confidential Job #1 — those 600+ pages are killing me, because 90% is telling, not showing. I will ask my editor for an extension over the holiday weekend. Worked on it most of the afternoon and barely made any progress.

Had a break-through on the Harpy book for one of my protagonists and one of my antagonists that, if I’m able to pull it off, will be heart-breaking, because it shows how much they cared for each other, and how their mutual betrayals hurt both of them, and the consequences. Those chapters are a bit down the road, but I’m counting on sense memory and notes.

Speaking of sense memory, I wondered why I’m so stressed out — aside from taking on too much work this month and all that. It feels as though my body remembers where we were last year at this time — negotiating the lease, preparing for the move, fighting the scumbag landlords — it’s almost like I’m having muscular flashbacks. They’re not visual, but my body feels the way it did last year at this time. Even more important for me to find a good yoga class for the winter and get back to meditation group.

Like I need this right now!

I can’t believe the morning is almost gone. Good day at the page, and then time spent with my students.

I’m a little frustrated, because I feel some of them are fighting the writing process, instead of enjoying having a reason to sit down at the page every day. Kinda makes me wonder why they’re there. It well may just be a phase for them, a part of the settling-in process. Books don’t write themselves. You have to MAKE the time to sit down and commit regularly and put words on paper.

And so it goes . . .

Devon

Today’s word count: 3448
Total word count: 13,896

Published in: on October 6, 2011 at 10:08 am  Comments (5)  
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