Wed. Sept. 15, 2021: Driving. Again

image courtesy of PublicDomainPictures via pixabay.com

Wednesday, September 15, 2021

Waxing Moon

Pluto, Saturn, Jupiter, Neptune, Chiron, Uranus Retrograde

Sunny/Cloudy, humid

Not much to say about yesterday, except that it was tiring. We were out of the house by 6:30, headed back to Cape for another storage run. The traffic was heavy, but moving.

When we got there, it was discouraging to see how much was still in the unit we need to get cleaned out. There’s no way all that stuff is coming up with us before winter. So I have to figure out what’s the biggest priority for the winter, and then pack the rest in the other unit, so we’re only carrying one storage unit.

Filled the car to the brim, mostly with holiday decorations, and were back on the road by 10:45. Unfortunately, the Bourne Bridge was a nightmare, and it took a half hour to get across.

Once we were over the bridge, it wasn’t a bad trip back. We were a home a little before 3, and unloaded.

I’d taken the dual action Advil in the hopes of preventing the severe leg pain. I also used the acupressure mat while driving. Unfortunately, the Advil made me queasy, so I didn’t take a second dose when we headed for home. The mat did its job well enough so I wasn’t in pain until we were almost back.

Unloaded, headed to Burger King for our treat – bacon cheeseburgers, fries, and chocolate shakes. Tasted okay while we ate them (the shakes were good), but I paid for it later.

Too tired to do any script coverage at night, so I have to push harder today, since today is the end of the pay period.

Up way too early again, thanks to the cats, but at least I was out the door and at the laundromat a bit after 6:30, which means I had everything washed, dried, folded, and back at the house before 8. We’re supposed to have severe thunderstorms today, so I dashed out to Wild Oats and Stop & Shop for a few things. It was sunny and clear in Williamstown, but looks and feels like a storm (with breaks of sunshine) here.

Read a mediocre mystery set against a good backdrop. Worked a little on one of my novel outlines, and realized just how much worldbuilding I have to do before I write any scenes. Sometimes, I can write four chapters in, and then stop to worldbuild and outline, but this particular piece won’t work at all unless I’m firm on my worldbuilding going in. So I have a feeling I won’t get to do any actual writing on it until some time next year. Although the characters disagree.

Lots of emails to catch up on, lots of script coverage to handle, Remote Chat, and some other work. Plus figuring out where to put all the stuff we brought up yesterday. I will be glad when we’re done with these storage runs for the winter.

Tired, so I’ll pace myself by switching off on tasks to keep from burning out on any one thing.

Have a good one! The leaves are starting to turn, to glorious shades of yellow, gold, and red. It’s beautiful.

Wed. Aug. 11, 2021: Another Heat Wave Begins

image courtesy of Free Photos via pixabay.com

Wednesday, August 11, 2021

Waxing Moon

Pluto, Saturn, Jupiter, Neptune, Chiron Retrograde

Heat wave & humid

We are in for a stretch of yucky weather. Since we don’t have A/C, it will make work a challenge.

No, I’m not hauling my laptop somewhere else to work. It’s a pandemic. I’m not going to be inside a sealed room with germy strangers. Even masked.

Up at 4:30 AM yesterday, had the car packed and on the road by 6:15. It wasn’t a bad ride down to the Cape. There were pockets of traffic at Worcester and Middleboro, and the Bourne Bridge was annoying, but it wasn’t bad.

We switched stuff out of both storage units and were done in about a half hour. We took the Canal Road on the Cape side from Bourne to Sandwich, because my mom wanted to hit up that Christmas Tree Shop (we don’t have that store here; nearest one is an hour and a half away). We were masked, the staff was masked, but the stupid fucking tourists weren’t. Of course. Because they don’t care if they kill people off, as long as they get their $1 beach swag.

We only found 2 things on our list, but found a few other bits and bobs it made sense to get there instead of elsewhere. I found oval wooden spoons, which are difficult to source now. Most of them are round. The oval ones fit inside jars, and are better for making sauces, whereas the round ones are good for baking. Our oval wooden spoons are well used, from back when we lived in Chicago in the early 1960’s. They are on their last twigs. I will still use them for crafts, but for cooking, I needed other wooden spoons, and I wanted oval. The store had them, they were inexpensive, so I grabbed two sets, and now have 6 new, oval wooden spoons. I doubt they will last the 60 years these other spoons have, but if they last 10, I’ll consider it money well spent. Found the clear shower curtain liners, and grabbed a couple. I love the shower curtain (from my NY life) that we’re using in this bathroom. It looks great. But it’s just a tad short, and the liner will protect the floor better.

Since we didn’t buy much, there was room to stuff It into the packed car. We were back on the road by 11:13 – after a serious bout with the hand sanitizer I keep in the car.

The Sagamore Bridge was backing up, so we crawled back along the Canal Road and took the Bourne Bridge off Cape. Wasn’t bad getting off Cape, but backed up getting on, so I’m glad we timed getting on the way we did.

Sigh of relief once we were back over the bridge and headed home.

To think that sign of relief used to happen in the other direction.

Things change.

I had severe pain in the tendons of my right leg, from hip to foot. It hurt coming on the way down, but going back was even worse. When we stopped at a rest area, I popped into the convenience store to buy Advil that had both ibuprofen and acetaminophen in it, and gulped down a couple with water. That took the pain from excruciating to extremely bad, so I could at least drive home.

A few minutes in Dancer’s Pose before I got back into the car helped, too, although I felt pretentious. But, needs must.

Stopped at Whitney’s Farm to pick up a few things, including one of their dinners (lasagna), because I was too tired to cook.

Got home, unloaded everything, got it up the stairs. We did decontamination showers, just in case, and we decontaminated everything we bought. Not taking any chances.

The lasagna was great. The sauce was more like a vodka sauce than the usual, heavier tomato sauce, which was interesting. However, it was meat lasagna, which isn’t the best choice for me. I didn’t get sick, but didn’t feel as good as I do when I stay away from red meat completely.

New issue of VOGUE arrived, with a great story on First Lady Dr. Jill Biden. She’s so talented and smart, and such a genuinely good human being (and yes, I have actually met and interacted with her, on numerous occasions, prior to her First Lady status). I’m glad other people are realizing just how terrific she is.

I went to bed ridiculously early. Up today, writing, yoga, meditation. It was hard to get started writing on the book again, but once I started, I got into the flow.

I’m doing a quick run to Wild Oats and to Stop and Shop for a few things before it gets too hot. I have script coverages to write, and more scripts to read. I have emails on which to catch up, and a client meeting for which to prep tomorrow. But I will take it easy, within the confines of the weather. The ceiling fans are on, the box fans will go on soon. I hope we do get the daily afternoon thunderstorms these next few days to break the humidity.

Hydration and rest.

The good part about reading being such a big part of my work is that I can lie down in the coolest place in the house near a fan and work.

Be careful out there, friends.

Tues. July 20, 2021: Enjoying the Differences

image courtesy of kareni via pisabay.com

Tuesday, July 20, 2021

Waxing Moon

Pluto, Jupiter, Saturn, Neptune, and Chiron Retrograde

Cloudy and mild

I’m starting to wonder if I will ever stop feeling like crap. I’m still achy and fatigued all the time.

It was a good, fairly restful weekend. I got my script coverage done by late Friday afternoon, and didn’t have to worry about it all weekend.

There was a good bit of rain, but I managed to get some errands done Saturday morning, in between storms. I met the husky puppy two doors down, and a lovely, sleek black cat in the parking lot where the car now lives when not in use (who had a lot to tell me). People are better about masking and social distancing here than they were on Cape. No surprise that COVID cases are on the uptake with a cluster around Provincetown, etc.

Read a lot this weekend, including re-reading some Terry Pratchett, and reading a book by a popular author using a trope of which I’m sick. I’m sick of the trope of leaving the city to go back to the hometown and reconnecting with one’s first love. Yes, it’s fantasy. It can also be toxic. It also shows a lack of growth from teen years.

Was assigned another book to review, which I will start this morning, while I’m at the laundromat.

Got some unpacking done (not enough, but rooms are slowly taking shape). Put up a pretty lace curtain at the front door, instead of the broken blinds. Put up most of the wind chimes. Have a nice little reading corner set up in my office.

I hate being separated from so many of my books and dishes. It’s painful. Also, because I have bookcases of varying shapes, heights, and sizes, I can’t store my books by subject, but I have to put them where they fit. At least for the moment.

Trying to find a good routine, one that also works for the cats, because they love their routines.

Sunday night, I was approached by the Cape Cod Writers Center. One of their instructors for their online conference dropped out due to a family emergency, so I was asked to take over the class. I’m happy to do so. It’s on Character, and I have some ideas that hopefully will help the participants. I’m trying to keep it along the lines of the original class blurb, and what they signed up for, although I’ll probably push them a little harder. And they will have handouts, because I am the Queen of Handouts.

I got to work on Monday, playing with ideas for the class. I did a short piece for the Llewellyn Almanac, got some script coverage done. Started rereading Gail Godwin’s QUEEN OF THE UNDERWORLD. There was a point where I loved her writing, until she got so obsessed with religion, and I want to see how I still feel about it, years later. I read two volumes of her journal, which were interesting to a point, but she’s so obsessed with boys (not men, boys) and always puts them ahead of her writing, which gets tedious. I see a glimmer of that in the beginning of this book, the protagonist doing so, and I hope that’s not the case.

I submitted a short story to a call, and several calls for plays landed in my inbox – I might even have relevant plays to submit. I will get to that today and tomorrow. I want to get back to have 13 in Play all the time – always have at least 13 pieces out there, earning their way in the world.

I got through a few hundred emails. Still catching up from the move.

Slowly, slowly easing back into creative life. I want to meet the other artists around here – I have a feeling MassMOCA will be my go-to for that, at least initially. At the same time, with virus numbers going up, I’m not comfortable being around strangers indoors, even though I’m vaccinated, and continue to mask. Most of the writers’ events are still virtual. WordXWord has an event at The Mount, outdoors, the next few nights, but I don’t’ know if I feel up to going. I go to the grocery store, the liquor store, the library (always masked), and that’s about it. I might go to some outdoor events, if the weather ever improves. We’re close to the college, and they require all students, teachers, staff, and vendors to be fully vaccinated, so that makes the neighborhood safer for all of us.

Yesterday afternoon, I could hear a composer, in one of the houses in the neighborhood, working on the latest piece. It was wonderful to hear that creation going on, as I was doing my own work. Creativity fuels creativity.

More writing, script coverage, LOIs today on the agenda. More work on the class, so I can start putting together the PowerPoint for it. More unpacking. Reading. After I get back from the laundromat, I might try to find the Big Y grocery store (supposedly less than a mile away). If the weather is decent, maybe tomorrow, we’ll jaunt over to Williamstown and Bennington. If the weather holds this afternoon, maybe we can go to Windsor Lake, which is supposedly a 3-minute drive.

The cats are getting used to the space and having fun running up and down. It’s a long, narrow space, front to back. Tessa loves running up and down the stairs to the front door, fast as can be, while the other two watch. Charlotte and Tessa still fuss at each other, mostly late at night, but not as badly as before. Hopefully, they are adjusting.

They all love to watch the birds. We have lots of trees around here, sturdy trees, and people aren’t constantly trying to cut them down. We also have two bird houses and a nest up in the rafters of our back balcony. The cats are fascinated. No matter which window they sit in, throughout the house, or the kitchen overlooking the back balcony, or the front porch, overlooking the street, there are birds to watch.

We used to have lots of birds around the house on Cape, until all the neighbors destroyed habitat. I’m sure the owner’s going to cut a bunch of trees down, now that we’re gone.

No longer my problem, although I hurt for the wildlife there, especially Che Guevara Chipmunk and the coyotes.

Meanwhile, I have a new area to learn. Living in the mountains is very different than living by the sea.

Wed. June 2, 2021: Transition Day 7 — Packing

image courtesy of David Nisley via pixabay.com

Wednesday, June 2, 2021

Waning Moon

Pluto Retrograde

Saturn Retrograde

Mercury Retrograde

Sunny and pleasant

Well, we’re percolating along here, but it feels like wading through molasses. The box inventory estimate is staggering, and I’m terrified to submit it to the movers, but I need to know the possibilities and then adjust from there. I’ve come up with Plan A, Plan B, Plan C, depending on the estimates. We’ll see which plan works with the budget.

Simply “getting rid” of the library and the things I’ve spent decades building, the way so many are gleefully telling me is my “only” choice – nope. I AM getting rid of a lot, and it feels good. It feels very, very good. But the library I’ve spent decades building, which I actually USE on a regular basis – I will figure out a way to get it into storage that I can afford.

Picked up boxes from U-Haul – will have to pick up more book boxes today, and some tape from Staples. Staples LOST my order of bubble wrap – it went onto the truck on the 30^th for delivery supposedly yesterday, and they have no idea where it is. So, REPLACE IT, YOU IDIOTS. Don’t tell me I have to “apply” for a refund and then reorder. REPLACE WHAT YOU LOST AND GET IT TO ME.

Idiots.

Mercury Retrograde. Deep breath, deal, move on.

There’s finally progress in my office. I’m hoping we can finish packing it today. I’m throwing out a lot, and the garage is doubling as a staging area. Next week, I will take a lot of stuff, especially books and clothes, for donation.

Still didn’t get the photos up on craigslist – have to do that today. I have some plants to get down and put on the deck, so they can be taken.

Started packing my clothes and stacking those boxes. Found a lot of stuff that can be given away; it doesn’t fit and/or I don’t like it. So I’ve been washing what needs to be washed and packing the clothes, which will get donated, along with the books, next week.

Got the appointment to have the car checked out; let’s hope they don’t find anything major. Every last cent left will have to go to the move, at this point.

Was paid by the script reading job. That feels good. But I have to keep on pace or pick up the pace, so that we have money coming in all month.

The landlord got the insurance company to back off, so that’s a breath. Boundaries are a good thing.

We’re supposed to move into a heat wave this week; I hope it takes longer to get down to Cape Cod. I don’t do well in hot weather.

Read two scripts for coverage in the afternoon, once I’d packed my fill. I look back at when we moved here, and I was packing 50 boxes/day – but I had the luxury of being able to take off work at that point, and just pack. Plus, we were driving back and forth every day for a month, which we can’t do in this case.

Plus, I was ten years younger.

My knees and hip sockets are screaming most of the time.

Do what you have to, though, right?

Doing the script coverage, typing up the furniture inventory, and gathering quotes.

Busy day. From now until we arrive at the new destination, it will be like this, flat out. I just have to deal with each task as it comes.

The other thing I’m forcing myself to do is rest when I’m tired, rather than work until I collapse. Resting, recharging, and going back to it helps.

The lease hasn’t arrived yet, which makes me nervous.

Peace, friends, and any positive Moving Mojo you can send me is appreciated.

Thurs. Feb. 18, 2021: Die For Your Employer Day 274/MA Vaccine Distribution Fail Day 22 — A Little Good News

image courtesy of Oliana Gruxdeva via pixabay.com

Thursday, February 18, 2021

Waxing Moon

Mercury Retrograde

Incoming storm

There’s a post over on Gratitude and Growth about the quiet and the garden.

Yesterday was stressful.

The good news is that my 96-year-old mother was moved from the waiting list to an actual slot for the first dose of the vaccine.

I swung by the office to do a few things before anyone else arrived, left a note, and then came back home and did some more work before we had to head out.

The vaccination site was on Cape Cod, and not too far away. It was in Orleans. At the dump. They had to set up a vaccination site at the town dump.

Everyone was very nice, and it was well-run. It was a drive-through clinic, so we stayed in the car the entire time. We were guided to our slot. The nurse gave my mom the vaccine in her arm. We had to wait, with the fire/rescue checking on us every few minutes, until we could leave, about 15 minutes later. We drove home.

There’s a ton of paperwork around it all. The paperwork was more complicated than the shot itself.

There weren’t enough doses to give me the “caretaker” shot – I have no problem with that, but it worries my mom.

We drove home, decontaminated. She felt fine; I was wrecked.

I managed to do a final polish and get one of the grant proposals out, though. And I talked to some of my interview sources for two of my articles. Even got out a couple of LOIs.

But mostly, I was a wreck.

My mom was perky until sometime in the middle of the night, when her arm started hurting badly. She’s in pain right now, and can take liquid Tylenol, so let’s hope that helps.

I’m not sure if we have to compete for a slot for the second shot, like we did for the first, or if it’s assigned. The paperwork says we have to compete, but several nurses along the way said we’d be emailed with the next slot.

It should happen right around my birthday, and I can’t think of a better gift.

So why is the headline on this post still about the distribution fail? Because it’s not all about me. There are thousands of people unable to get an appointment because of the chaos. I was lucky and dogged in staying online and trying and trying and trying. Too many people don’t have the resources to do that, or anyone who can help them. Until there’s equitable distribution, this will continue to happen.

This morning, I have to go into the office WITH a client, which I’m not too happy about. But it’s just a couple of hours, what would have happened yesterday. I’m hoping to get home before the snow starts.

I did some good work on GAMBIT COLONY this morning.

I looked at the sample budget for the second grant proposal, and the sample seems way off base from reality. I have to do some more research.

I’m looking forward to meditation this morning. I definitely need it. I’ll probably need another session when I get back home and decontaminate.

I’m worried about the people suffering in Texas, and furious at their governor and the other leaders who are perfectly happy to let them die, to prove their independence. They should all be indicted. Removed. Imprisoned. Hopefully, the federal aid will reach them soon, and not be turned away by the twats in charge.

Peace, friends.

Tues. July 7, 2020: Die For Tourist Dollars Day 50: My Neighbors are Pyros (though not professionals)

Tuesday, July 7, 2020
Waning Moon
Pluto Retrograde
Saturn Retrograde
Jupiter Retrograde
Mercury Retrograde
Neptune Retrograde
Foggy and humid

The past few days have been hell, because of dumbass “neighbors” setting off illegal fireworks all the time.

They’ve gone off every night since the beginning of the month. And every weekend since the Stay at Home. It needs to stop.

When it’s someone local, with whom the cops grew up, it’s “nudge, nudge, wink, wink, you know how unreasonable people are” and they’re let off with a warning. And, as soon as the car pulls away, they set the fireworks off again. They’re not confiscated, as required by law. They’re not fined, as required by law.

When it’s tourists, the cops do nothing because, you know, tourist dollars.

On the 4th of July, it started at 4 in the afternoon and went on until 2 in the morning. People were going up and down the street, setting off fireworks in front of other people’s houses. One set of neighbors next door did a production in his little backyard.

The houses here are just too close. There’s shrapnel everywhere, they’re gong to set someone’s house on fire.

Not to mention that Tessa was so terrified I was sitting in a corner of the room, holding her while she tried to burrow under my skin. I was afraid she’d die of fright.

It wasn’t cute little sparklers. It was the big boomers. It was like being under mortar fire for 10 hours, and the cops did NOTHING.

This state has specific and strict laws about illegal fireworks. In the 10 years I’ve lived here, not ONCE have the cops ever done a damn thing. The illegal fireworks have gotten exponentially worse every year.

Instead of pounding on peaceful protestors, how about going after those who are actually breaking the law and causing harm? Just because you grew up with them isn’t an excuse. Nor is that they’re tourists. Those aren’t the tourists we want visiting.

It’s not “harmless fun.”

I also noticed that EVERY person doing this belongs to the same group who refuses to wear masks – again, something that the state mandates.

Gee, people hurting other people in the name of their own “freedoms.” What a surprise.

It was hell.

Why should I pay taxes in this community? They charge me an “excise tax” because I own a car. They’ve upped the rates to get rid of garbage and punish me for wanting to recycle. They allow people to set off explosives every week “for fun.”

Especially since some of these fireworks are set off by those in illegal, short-term rentals. It’s not like they give a damn if they set the neighborhood on fire.

The Town Manager and my district’s Town Councilor are a complete and utter waste of space, both of them, but you better believe they’re getting strongly worded letters. It won’t do anything, but it will go on record in the town archives. Maybe, at some point down the line, it will be useful to someone who will actually do something.

And the fireworks are still going on EVERY DAMN NIGHT. I’m not going through this all summer.

Sunday, I was a complete wreck. I hadn’t gotten any sleep on Saturday night. I had to clean up shrapnel on Sunday. I tried to take a nap in the afternoon, but I was so wound up I couldn’t sleep.

At least Saturday and Sunday, I got some work done on GAMBIT COLONY. I’m nearly done with Book 4 – I figure I have three more chapters or so. The chapters run long, so I’m figuring another 60-70 pages. I have a bunch of material I wrote intermittently for Book 5, which is an interlude volume (figuring that to run 100 -150 pages), and Book 6 is outlined. I’m hoping to get drafted through Book 6 by the end of the year, and then start on the serious edits, at least for 4-6. The first three books are in good shape; they’ve had countless drafts.

I re-read two more Donna Leon books and BODY ON THE BAYOU by Ellen Byron, all of which were good. I also read AMERICAN SPY by Lauren Wilkinson, which was excellent. I had no idea what to expect going in. It’s a hell of a wonderfully written novel, strong voice, very different structure than usual, but different in a way that works.

I was left both wanting to know what happened next to these characters and feeling it ended at the perfect spot. So often, I’m unhappy with how and where novels end. Too often, it feels post-modern just to try to show off “style” instead of giving the book the unique ending it needs. But this was perfect.

I also read the book I was sent for review. It’s a solid fantasy novel. Not brilliant, but an enjoyable read, and will get a good review.

We had a wonderful, vicious thunderstorm on Sunday night. I loved it, especially since it cut short the illegal fireworks. I’d hoped for a good storm; it was even better than I expected.

I wish the weather would be horrible every weekend for the rest of the summer. Tourists are flooding in, bridges are backed up the way they usually are in summer, and we’re all being put at risk, because the tourists aren’t following the state-mandated protocols, and the businesses just shrug and let them get away with it.

Because, you know, if we’re not rich enough, we “deserve” to die for tourist dollars. That’s the attitude around here.

Client work yesterday – I’m creating more ads for this client. 6 LOIs out. Work on fixing BARD’S LAMENT – I’m about to enter the bit that’s a real mess. I need to fix it so I can move on. The deadline looms.

Did the whole week’s course work on THE BOOK OF KELLS class. It was fascinating, talking about scribes and how they created the book. Gave me ideas (always dangerous).

Managed to sleep through the night last night, for once (once the fireworks stopped).

This morning, I’m going to do some work on BARD, record a podcast for THE MERRY WRITER, do some client work. I think I need to go to the grocery store – it’s been about 10, 12 days, and we’re out of some basics. So I’ll gear up and go.

I have a Zoom call with my primary care physician, which I’m dreading. We will talk about the mixed results from the surgery, and work out a plan. I do not want more tests. I want to be left alone for the next six months until the next procedure.

I have a feeling this will continue to be a difficult week.

Hope your week is better.

Mon. Nov. 4, 2019: Gratitude, Not Denial #UpbeatAuthors

image by kumari sky via pixabay.com

Monday, November 4, 2019
Waxing Moon
Neptune Retrograde
Uranus Retrograde
Mercury Retrograde

November is “Gratitude Month” here on Upbeat Authors.

This has been a difficult year for me, on many fronts. Sometimes, it’s difficult to remember to be grateful. It’s easier to focus on what’s not working than what is working.

Also, far too many motivational or inspirational quotes feel like they trivialize pain.

Pain, on physical and emotional levels, is real. Everyone experiences it differently. Everyone must learn to cope, to heal, and to set and maintain boundaries. We need empathy and sympathy with each other; at the same time, we can take on, or be expected to take on, everyone else’s pain in addition to our own.

Creating a personal practice of gratitude doesn’t mean you’re in denial about what’s not working. It means using the things in your life for which you are grateful as a foundation on which to build the positive changes you need in your life.

There are basics for which I’m grateful every day:
My family
The cats
My friends
My creativity
My home
My food

On top of those basics, there are different things for which I’m grateful. On the days when I meet with my weekly meditation group, I’m grateful to have community with them and be able to practice.

On days when I participate in Remote Chats with one group or another, again, I’m grateful to be included and feel a sense of community with them.

A couple of weeks ago, when my car battery died, I was grateful that it happened in the garage at home and not out on the road somewhere.

I think of gratitude as layered. There’s Foundational Gratitude, which is includes the list above. Then there’s Transitional Gratitude, which are the different daily things that bring joy, peace, pleasure.

Sometimes, it’s difficult to find that list. But it’s always worth the time to make the list, even if you don’t write it down, and look for something, no matter how small that improves your daily life.

The basis of gratitude helps you build strength and energy to make the changes you need to make, so there’s less of “can’t I ever get a break?” and more of “I’m glad that happened.”

What you do consider your Foundational Gratitude?

Mon. Oct. 14, 2019: When Stress Manifests Physically #Upbeat Authors

image courtesy of johnhain via pixabay.com

Monday, October 14, 2019
Waning Moon
Neptune Retrograde
Uranus Retrograde

Have you ever noticed that when you’re under a great deal of stress, it manifests physically? Your resistance is lower, you’re more likely to catch whatever’s going around. Or you suddenly get a pain in a particular area of the body.

It’s important to listen to pain. Chronic pain is a different arena, and that needs specialized treatment, which it too often doesn’t get. I’m talking about unusual pain that crops up when something is wrong.

If you look at the word “disease” and break it down it is “dis” and “ease.”

The ease has been removed.

Take the time to do some self-assessment. Where is the pain located? How is it manifesting?

What is going on in your life? What worries you? What fears have cropped up lately?

Different astrological signs are connected to different parts of the body. I’m a Pisces. That sign is connected to feet. When I’m tired or stressed, it often affects my feet. I have to make sure I have comfortable shoes (outside the house; I don’t wear them inside), and warm, dry socks in winter. I do not do well in cold, wet socks.

I get migraines. I hold tension in my neck and shoulders. Lately, from all the sitting I’ve been doing, I’ve had problems in my lower back. To the point where the lower back and the hip sometimes “freeze.”

That tension in the lower back and hip joint, for me, indicate feeling stuck — and I’m going through a “stuck” period, where I know I need to make changes, but I’m not sure of the details. The days when I’m confident about what I’m doing and the direction I’m taking — no lower back pain.

Earlier in my life, when I was in a toxic situation, I suffered stomach problems constantly. Once I was out of the situation, no more stomach issues.

Listen to your body. Don’t be afraid to seek help. Too often, we don’t seek help for our health needs. Sometimes it’s an insurance issue. We can’t afford to get help, unless we give up something else, like food or paying the electric bill. The entire health industry in this country needs to be ripped apart and rebuilt from scratch, but that’s a different conversation. Sometimes, it’s because we’re not listened to when we ask for help.

“It’s all in your mind,” says the doctor.

“Yes,” you say, “and now it’s manifesting in my body. So please help me find the root cause so we can treat this holistically.”

For me, acupuncture is the best for pain management. Daily yoga and meditation practices help keep energy flowing, and help me discover causes and possible solutions.

It’s different for everyone. The human body is amazing, as is the human mind. We take both for granted. The more you learn to trust yourself, the better you are at self-advocating.

Because the industry itself is about how much money it can get out of YOU, and how little money insurance can get away with paying. It has nothing to do with actual health. Know that.

Know, also, that there are ways you can make the system better by making the time to argue for your rights. When you dispute an unfair decision by your insurance, copy your Senator, your Rep, your State Attorney General on the correspondence. Go to the top executives in the company. Don’t use the excuse that you “don’t have time” for that. It takes a few minutes to type a letter, run off copies, put a stamp on them and mail them to those who can do something. And yes, do it in writing. They want you to talk on the phone because their “notes” of the conversation have little to do with your rights or what you actually discussed. DO EVERYTHNG IN WRITING.

When your elected officials have town halls, make the time to go. Ask them what they’re doing to make things better. Make an appointment at the local office and discuss your situation with one of the aides. A good aide is dedicated to listening to constituents and weighing in on policy. MAKE the time.

And vote. Vote for candidates who want to rebuild the health care system so that it’s actually about health care and not about personal or corporate profits.

You do have power. If you choose not to use it, it’s on you.

It’s tough to do that when you’re not feeling well. Being sick takes a lot of energy. But you can’t expect “others” to do it. Your activism, based on your direct experience, will change things.

Remember that figuring out the cause of the stress doesn’t mean an instant fix. You might be facing a major life change. It won’t happen all at once. Try to find one small thing you can change that will help you mentally and release some of the physical pain. Integrate it into your life.

Then try the next small thing.

Small changes add up to big changes. Our individual rhythms are unique. We’re often pushed into situations at a rate that ‘s unhealthy for our individual rhythms. We need to be kind to ourselves, give ourselves time to adjust, and decide how to regain control and make the next change when WE want it.

It’s a lot of moving parts at any given time.

But the more you learn to listen to that inner voice, to trust YOUR instincts, the more your decisions will help make you a whole, healthy person.

Tues. July 30, 2019: Trying to Keep Steady

Tuesday, July 30, 2019
Dark Moon
Jupiter Retrograde
Pluto Retrograde
Saturn Retrograde
Neptune Retrograde
Mercury Retrograde
Hot and humid

I did not have a particularly productive weekend. I wasn’t feeling well. Wrists, shoulders, hips, lower back, knees, all in pain. It was difficult to write.

I got a little bit done on ELLA. Not enough done on GRAVE REACH, and I feel like I’m losing the thread of it again. The deadline looms over me, so I have to get it done. Dig deeper and get it done.

But there was nothing in the tank this weekend.

I managed to get some grocery shopping done, and the recycling out to the dump. Painted some shells. Oiled a small table I picked up. Rearranged some stuff in the living room. Went through a box marked “trinkets” of things that were important to me about twenty years ago. At first, everything looked shabby and sad. Later, as I took each piece out and dealt with it, I decided what to keep and integrate, what to give away, what to toss.

Still have many, many more boxes to go and am running out of time.

We have a fisher on the property. I’m pretty welcoming to wildlife, but not fishers. They are vicious, and this one has an attitude. I don’t want him decimating our wildlife in the yard, or attacking Tessa. I’m not letting Tessa out, and she is angry with me. But I can’t risk her getting killed.

Fisher is part of the weasel family, and weasel is about stealth and paying close attention, so that is what I will do in the upcoming cycle.

While I try to figure out how to encourage him to move on.

Feeling very discouraged in general, and worn down.

But I managed to write the blurb for my friend’s book, which went off yesterday.

I’m still trying to get paid by that client. I thought this one was the exception to the local client rule around here. I was wrong. I’ll send another invoice on Friday, with the late fee. I partially blame myself — because of previous good experience with this client, I waived the partial fee up front. That won’t happen again.

Yesterday was the anniversary of my father’s death. He’s been out of my life longer than he was in it, but it’s still difficult. I did a “happy memories” ceremony for him last night.

The heat and humidity were high yesterday, and will be so again today. I don’t do well in that, either. Work with the client is off-the-charts stressful this week and next week, and then, hopefully, we can have some equilibrium. But yesterday went well, so I hope today and tomorrow will be the same.

All I can do is keep pushing through, and making adjustments as best I can, work toward making the necessary changes. But it’s difficult, disheartening, and slow.

Back to the page.

Tues. April 2, 2019: Regaining Equilibrium & Grabbing Opportunities

Tuesday, April 2, 2019
Waning Moon

I hope everyone had a good weekend.

Mine was all over the place. The drama surrounding what should have been something simple intensified, and I’m fed up. In addition to being hurt and frustrated because I said if these particular actions were taken, these would be the results, and I would be the one who had to pay for it both financially and emotionally. That was ignored, I was hit with consequences for something that was not an action of MINE, and now I’m supposed to jump through more hoops to fix it, instead of the person who caused the issue in the first place. No. Just no.

Human beings make mistakes. It happens.

When I make a mistake, I apologize, first and foremost. Then I take actions to correct the mistake. Then I work to rebuild any trust that was broken because of the mistake. Especially the latter takes time, and isn’t always successful. But I make the effort.

Yet in this situation, when the other party made a mistake that affected me in more than one area of my life — I had to fight to get an acknowledgement and then a half-hearted apology. And then I was told the hoops I had to jump through to get it fixed with a third party– again, this was NOT my mistake — which I had told the person who made the mistake wouldn’t work in the first place, because I actually have worked in this field and know the manipulations. As I predicted, it did not work, I was badly treated, shamed, and mansplained to. The situation is still not resolved. We are now in Day 5 of something that shouldn’t have happened in the first place, and could have been fixed in FIVE MINUTES.

Even if it is, any future interactions will be tainted. What used to be in the life balance column is now in the life stressor column.

I don’t need that, especially not this month, when things are stretched to the max anyway.

In addition to the whole situation making me angry, I am so, so hurt. This was someone I trusted.

But now I know better.

And I’ve lost a sanctuary I deeply value. Which is painful.

So, basically, most of the weekend was spent in emotional pain management, trying to heal, and, every time I took a step to try to resolve the situation, getting another metaphorical slap in the face.

I didn’t get a lot of writing done, although I got some plotting, and I’m back working on GRAVE REACH this week. At least I can relate to Lesley’s pain and sense of betrayal. I’ll find a way to funnel it into the work.

I read my friend Arlene Kay’s DEATH BY DOG SHOW, which was really fun. Made me laugh a lot.

I worked on the books for review. I worked on contest entries. I got quite a bit done on the contest entries.

I started working in the yard. Saturday was so beautiful. I got the terraced area in the back raked out. I didn’t get as far as the border bed on the terraced area, but I got the rest of the beds raked out, did some pruning and cutting back. Got rid of a lot of bindweed that’s been creeping around. And some of the roses are taking over, so I’m going to have to do some serious hacking back in the next few weeks.

Worked on the proofs for the almanac. They went out yesterday morning.

Was with a client on Monday, and will be so today. Wednesday, Thursday, and maybe into Friday, I have an adventure. I’ll be able to share some of the details next week. And then I go into another intense weekend of writing and, next Saturday, going to see my radio play performed live in Boston.

My entire intent on Monday was to keep my head down. I don’t like April Fool’s Day. I don’t like that people feel liberated to be cruel — although, since the 2016 election, they feel that every day, and, especially around here, regularly act on it.

Onward.

 

Fri. July 17, 2015: Trips to Newport and to Urgent Care

Friday, July 17, 2015
New Moon
Saturn Retrograde
Pluto Retrograde
Neptune Retrograde
Sunny and cool

Sorry I haven’t posted. It’s been, to say the least, chaotic.

Can I even remember all the way back to last weekend? I remember a lot of writing, especially on INITIATE, which was amazing. I was so happy to be back in that world. It’s one of my favorite writings.

I know I rescued a mouse that was caught in a sticky trap. I poured olive oil on the trap and helped the poor, frightened little thing work its way off and scamper into the bushes. I’m going to have to get some Hav-a-heart traps – I thought we were done with mice, but I was delusional. They’re cute little field mice, but the cats make friends with them instead of catching them (taking the “harm none” house policy a bit too far), and I’d rather have them outside rather than inside.

Tuesday was staff day – -the carpets were cleaned, so the library was closed, and we did a staff day out in Newport, Rhode Island. A van was rented, and we travelled in style to Newport, where we had a private tour of The Elms (a delightful house), lunch at The Chandler (which was wonderful), and then a tour of Chateau-Sur-Mer, which I also loved. It was truly a lovely day. We discussed work topics, too, and got revved up about possibilities and things we’d like to do to make the place even better.

Wednesday was rather chaotic at work. It didn’t look as though the carpet cleaners actually cleaned anything, although chairs were put on tables. We had eight crates of books, a long paging list, and two carts full of books in the book drop. Then the new furniture arrived. Only we – the staff of women who are not in their twenties – had to load it off the truck. Because heaven forbid they buy furniture from a company that does anything but curbside delivery. Personally, if I pay thousands of dollars for a bunch of stuff, I do not give that money to a company that dumps things on the curb.

Also, part of the point of the new furniture was that it is light enough for us to rearrange easily for programs. Some of us were even in on the early meetings and discussed, at length, what we needed from the furniture. Which was, of course, disregarded, at least where the new, heavy tables were concerned.

Came home and collapsed on Wednesday night. I’ve been watching CASE HISTORIES, starring Jason Isaacs. Very well done, but that character’s refusal to move on from always falling for broken women gets old after awhile, as, in the first season, the constant replaying of his sister’s death. A bit heavy-handed.

Woke up on Thursday not able to feel on the right side. When I finally could, I was in terrible pain. Got to work, felt worse and worse and worse. Had an off-site meeting in the afternoon, then went to urgent care. I have pinched nerves, the rotator cuff injury has flared up again, there are some strained tendons and pulled muscles. They were more concerned about the pre-heart attack symptoms I exhibited. All things considered, I was in and out of there pretty quickly.

I wasn’t about to take the list of medications they wanted for me, especially not the painkillers or muscle relaxers. I went home and put a lot of turmeric in my chicken dinner – within an hour, I could feel the inflammation going down. I took valerian root last night and knocked myself out, feeling much better when I woke up, and hawthorn this morning. I’m better, but I’ll be in a sling for a few days – of course, it’s my right shoulder and I’m right-handed. Oh, well.

Long day today, and tomorrow is my Saturday “on”. Lots of errands to run, lots of writing to get done. The rental inspection is on Monday afternoon, and I have two board meetings on Tuesday.

Let’s hope next week is calmer.

Devon

Mon. March 25, 2013: Sprouting Seeds and Scheduling Dilemmas

Monday, March 25, 2013
Waxing Moon
Saturn Retrograde
Cloudy and cold

Friday was a difficult day, and, frankly, there were times when I just wanted to give up. But I made it through. This week will be tough, but, hopefully, I will get through this, too.

I don’t remember much about Friday, except it was a blur of stress and pain.

Friday night’s rehearsal was a nice break, though. The actors are doing well, although they still have work to do. Friday was the painful rehearsal for them, where they realized that, in spite of all the good work they’ve done, there’s still more to do.

Came home late, exhausted.

Up early on Saturday. I filled in as the set-up person for the Tomorrow’s Writers Today program for teens at Barnstable Intermediate School, set up by The Cape Cod Writers Center. The people at the school were great, the teachers were great, and the kids were great. Terrific all around. At 10 AM, I handed off the program to the Executive Director.

The only thing about the experience that sent a chill through me was the postings, in every classroom, on “lockdown procedures” and “safe spots” set aside in every room. This is what it’s come to? It’s heartbreaking.

Came home, set up for the online Query Clinic, ran that.

Dealt with scheduling issues for the show. MURDER “SEALS” THE DEAL is sold out, and we want to add a second show, but it’s getting it scheduled with the company that’s a challenge.

Received the grant money for SEVEN OF SWORDS, my other play, which just made me feel all warm and fuzzy. It’s not the amount (which was small, but fair), it’s the fact that we were respected enough, as playwrights, to be awarded money for our work.

Sunday was supposed to be my day off, and one that was badly needed, but it didn’t work out that way. Dealt with show stuff nearly all day, searched for stuff I needed for various projects, which led to reorganizing the storage unit over the garage. It looks great and I can get at everything, but I still didn’t get my hands on what I needed. So tired, I was shaking and dizzy.

The mesclun greens, bok choy, buttercrunch lettuce, speckled lettuce, and radish seeds all sprouted over the weekend. Very exciting! The tulips I planted in pots and overwintered in the garage are also blooming — lovely!

I have a meeting in Brewster this morning, and then have to deal with show stuff and the book. I’m supposed to have another meeting this evening, but there’s no way I can do all of it.

Didn’t get enough work on the book done, which upsets me. Worked with students, sent out a lot of pitches.

Have a blasting migraine, but have to work through it.

Devon

December 31, 2010 — New Year’s Eve

Friday, December 31, 2010
Waning Moon
Neptune Retrograde
Cloudy and mild
New Year’s Eve

I can’t believe this year is over, and it’s been quite a roller coaster of a year!

If you’d like to see my evaluation for 2010, which I thought would be depressing, but actually turned out to be quite enlightening (for me), hop on over to the Goals, Dreams, and Resolutions blog, which has been sorely neglected in the past few months.

My back kind of limited a lot of activity yesterday. I had to do a bunch of paperwork dealing with various transitional business — really, most of these companies are staffed by morons. There are enough people looking for work that companies should dump the incompetent and hire the intelligent. Oh, wait, that would mean they had to pay people a fair wage for a fair day’s work and the intelligent might actually question the corporation’s culture of screwing the public, and that would never do!

But the auto insurance kerflamma is sorted out. Turns out they sent the bill BEFORE they checked my driving record, and it’s even less than the original quote, thanks to me being a careful driver in the past (and now I have the pressure to continue)!

Paid a bunch of bills, so I can go into the New Year without bills hanging over my head.

Played with the cats, who wanted attention.

Filled the car to bursting with garbage and recycling and took it all to the dump. 80% of our garbage is recycling — we really generate very little stuff for the landfill, which is good.

Went grocery shopping and spent far more than I intended — I thought when you have a list you stay under budget? Even with a list, I bought more than I thought I would — and I stuck to the list! Also stocked up on some wine for next week. For a state with such tight blue laws, they have a lot of awesome wine shops around here!

I was in so much pain in the morning that I considered a trip to the emergency room. But, again, it would be a lot of money and tests and all they can do is give me a stronger painkiller, which doesn’t solve the problem. Alleve did NOTHING, didn’t even take the edge off, and neither did Excedrin. Spent most of the afternoon lying on the couch reading, with a heating pad on my back.

Yet another customer service person from Verizon told me that they “can’t” do anything to help me unless I buy the blocker. I ignored them, and I think I’ve finagled it so that it’s blocked — I’m not getting messages every 15 seconds any more.

Costume Imp and I are getting next week figured out — it’s going to be a lot of fun.

Saw a lovely rocking chair for sale for a great price on Craigslist – I was hoping to pick it up today, but haven’t heard back from the owner. If I can’t get it today, it’ll have to be next week, and they’ll probably sell it to someone else. Oh, well. I’ll either get it or I won’t.

The appliance repair place called and will come today to fix the washer. I can do laundry here before the New Year! I hate starting the new year with dirty clothes!

I also want to do my hair today — I want to start the New Year with shiny hair AND clean clothes!

My hurricane cylinders arrived yesterday (they weren’t scheduled to arrive until Monday) and this time, the UPS guy HANDED me the box instead of throwing it from the truck. Which is good, since they’re glass. They are beautiful. They fit the candlestands perfectly, although they’re taller than I expected, but look great. I washed them last night, let them dry and they’re up now. It will make things safer.

I’m looking forward to a nice, cozy celebration here at home tonight (I’m not big on New Year’s shindigs, and I don’t have to be banned from my own home until 1 AM, like I was in NYC). Yes, when I lived a block from Times Square, if I left the house after 6 PM, I was not allowed back in until after 1 AM, even though I lived there! Isn’t that awful? I usually had a show on New Year’s Eve (thankfully, most shows now only do a matinee), and then I was forced to go to a party. I don’t like New Year’s Eve — too much forced joviality for me — I like to celebrate quietly at home with one or two people.

Once I moved out of the city and wasn’t working full-time anymore, I refused to accept work for New Year’s. I did a yoga retreat upstate for several years, which was great. After that year where I was on the train when the year turned, I decided no more of other people deciding how I start my year!

So, I’ve got some errands to run today, and the repairman to wait for, and my hair to do, and some shelves to put up in the basement to sort the dishes I don’t need every day, some writing to do, and then enjoy sweeping the old year out of the back door and welcoming the New Year in the front!

I’ve got my bayberry candle for tonight; my bayberry incense for tonight and tomorrow, and the stuff I need for the dawn ceremony I do on New Year’s.

I want a peaceful end to this year and a quiet, fun start to 2011!

Happy New Year!

Devon