Fri. Sept. 10, 2021: Clarity Clears The Way

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Friday, Sept. 10, 2021

Waxing Moon

Pluto, Saturn, Jupiter, Neptune, Chiron, Uranus Retrograde

Partly cloudy and cool

If you’ve never experienced the 9/11 Table of Silence Project, I strongly recommend you watch it tomorrow. Last year’s performance was breathtaking, and I have no doubt this year’s will be equal or surpass it.

Yesterday contained a lot of work, but felt scattered. I had to do some admin and some research, and get through a lot of stacked up emails from Wednesday, while still trying to finish going through the email that stacked up over the holiday weekend.

Freelance Chat was a lot of fun, and I finished reading a rather delightful book for review in the afternoon. I didn’t do the script coverage I should have done, so I have to make up for that today.

This weekend is the 20th Anniversary of 9/11, which is a mix of honor and sorrow for me. I plan to spend most of the weekend away from social media. I’m not up for those who need to publicly share their grief, and I’m definitely not up for those who hypocritically moan about 9/11 while being douches in daily life. The people who lived and lost directly from it will always have a different experience than those who were farther removed. Everyone’s experience matters, but for my own mourning, I need to be away from the more public mourners. So the best choice for me is to stay off social media, watch The Table of Silence Project, see what the weather is like and maybe go to the lake.

There are errands I should run over the weekend, but I might not.

Straw Dogs Writers Guild has an open mic event on Zoom on the 12th, but I’m really trying to stay offline all day on Sundays again, so I don’t think I’ll do it. Plus, I have a Playwrights Circle with LAVA on Monday night. I’m trying not to over-Zoom.

I do have to work through the weekend, since I lost 2 days this week, and will lose a day next week. I still have to make my nut by the 15th to pay the bills in the second half of the month.

The Crow Tarot arrived yesterday afternoon and it is wonderful. I’m so excited to start working with it. I also received Deborah Blake’s FURBIDDEN FATALITY, and I’m excited to read it this weekend.

Last night, I virtually attended an NYU alumni event with a psychotherapist about mental health, especially around the pandemic. He said a few things that made certain things for me click into place, like lock cylinders or a Rubik’s cube.  Suddenly, connections were made to root causes of various emotions and situations with which I’ve been struggling for far too long. Now that I have a clearer understanding, I can actually take steps to heal and to make more positive decisions moving forward. I feel more hopeful than I have in a long time, in spite of everything going on.

I have errands to run today, and lots of work to get done, so I will just put my head down and do it. Have a good weekend, friends, and I’ll catch you on the other side.

Fri. June 4, 2021: Transition Day 9 — The Hunt for Storage

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Friday, June 4, 2021

Waning Moon

Pluto Retrograde

Saturn Retrograde

Mercury Retrograde

Rainy and warm

Yesterday had a lot of tears and frustration. The storage unit I thought I’d booked online turned out to be for vehicle parking, not a storage unit. Which wasn’t clear on the online booking. I did that twice, at two different locations. The managers got in touch and cancelled the reservations – but there were no storage units around here. I mean, come on! That’s insane. I finally found one in Bourne, a 10 X 10, which is smaller than I wanted, but all I can afford. We start moving in tomorrow, and will take 1-2 carloads of boxes over every day until I book a couple of guys with a truck to take over the furniture pieces.

I negotiated with movers down to 1 truck, which means we are leaving more down here than we originally planned. But it’s what we can afford, so it’s what will happen. The guy is coming to take a look at what’s actually going on Monday, so we can get a firm quote. But at least we can get our day and get the most important things up.

We’ll come back down in September and October for more carloads of stuff, or maybe, we’ll be able to move the whole damn thing up to storage close by. Although that will probably happen in spring.

But there were tears of frustration before I found this place, as I contacted company after company. It makes sense: people throw their stuff into storage all summer to rent their houses.

Until the contract is signed with the mover, I will still be nervous. But at least it looks like we can get there.

I lost most of my packing time, although I packed up my writing books. I will have to leave most of them in storage, at least initially.

Now, of course, I’m worried about the car. It’s an old car, and the dealer who’s always finding something wrong with it has me paranoid. But I’m getting it serviced next week by the mechanic I trust, so, fingers crossed.

The lease came through; we’re signing this morning and sending it back. It’s a very fair lease, and the terms are within the way we live anyway.

Read two scripts for coverage, and will type up my notes and send them off this morning. Started reading the next book for review, which is interesting.

The physical and mental stress under which I am living is unsustainable, but I have to sustain it for another two weeks and change. I have to work hard to keep both my physical and mental health intact. Once we’ve arrived in North Adams, I’ve built in recovery time.

But I have to be able to sustain the stress and the exhaustion for the next couple of weeks WHILE being productive as far as packing WHILE still working enough to get money in so that we have enough to get up there and start, and we have enough for July’s rent, which is coming up very quickly once we get there.

When we moved here ten years ago, there was enough of a financial cushion not to worry about any of that. While I’ve worked hard to put together the money for this move, there’s not the same kind of cushion, and that puts more pressure on me, at a time when I’m still trying to get back on my feet after being sick for almost a year during a pandemic. Plus, I’m ten years older, and my body can’t do what it did ten years ago. Most of my neighbors and friends here aren’t in the physical shape to give me the kind of help I need, nor would I ask them to as we’re coming out of a pandemic.

Eventually, once we’re settled, I will have to deal with the psychological fallout. Not just from the pandemic, although there’s plenty of that; but that my dream of living the rest of my life on Cape Cod, which had been my fantasy since I was a child, did not convert into a sustainable reality. There are psychological repercussions for that, and I will have to deal with them once we’re moved, even though they’re nibbling away at the edges of me every day.

I’m moving (literally and emotionally) to something better, so it’s a good move and the right move. But dealing with what feels like a failure on my part (but is, actually, a type of growth and change, just not the kind I anticipated), will take time and work. I don’t have that time and work until we’re moved, and that’s causing tension.

Anyway, I’m off to write up my script coverage and send it off. We’ll pack the car in a couple of hours and take the first load of stuff to storage when the office opens. Not sure if we’ll make another trip this afternoon – bridge traffic will be bad, and it’s near the Bourne Bridge. I hope to do another trip today, at least 1 trip tomorrow and Sunday, and, during the week, 2 trips/day. 

The library is going to take most of the new books I’m giving away as donations. I have to swing by the Goodwill store in Hyannis to see if I can drop off the rest of the books and the clothes, or if I have to drive even further to a “donation center”.

I’m going to do a dump run tomorrow. We’re going to take the giant kitty condo apart and rebox it, so we can take it with us on the first or second trip out to the new place on the 15th.

Later this morning, I’m going to contact the utility companies, to make sure everything is switched over to our name by the 15th in the new place, and, where it’s the same company, that it’s in our name until about the 25th, just to give some overlap.

So, there’s a lot to do and time is running out. I’m exhausted and overwhelmed, but just trying to push through. Hold a good thought for me, please.

Published in: on June 4, 2021 at 4:52 am  Comments Off on Fri. June 4, 2021: Transition Day 9 — The Hunt for Storage  
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