Tues. March 21, 2023: Hints of Spring

image courtesy of Jill Wellington via pixabay.com

Tuesday, March 21, 2023

New Moon

Cloudy and chilly

My interview with the Boiler House Poets Collective went live on The Rumpus yesterday. You can read it here.

I hope you had a lovely day. It’s time to curl up for our regular Tuesday catch up.

I booked my hair appointment online on Friday for yesterday.

I also ordered my saucer chair online. At first, I got a confirmation that I could pick it up around noon. Then, I got a confirmation it was ready to pick up – about five minutes after I ordered it. The problem was that, in order to do the curbside pickup, I had to download the store’s app. Which made me furious. I do not want everything run by app. And that should have been clear when the selection for “curbside pickup” was made; then I would have just had it shipped.

Anyway, swearing the whole time, I downloaded the app, drove up the street to pick up the chair, brought it home, and deleted the app from my phone.

The chair is wonderful. It’s a lovely turquoise, and detailed to look like a shell. It’s comfortable, lightweight, and folds, which means it’s my official “residency chair” that I can take when I do residencies to which I drive.

I revised the two micro comic noir radio plays and submitted them, per the email exchange I had with the producers over the past couple of days. The third play, one of the Declan Shane plays (where the detective has his office in a Broadway musical rehearsal hall), doesn’t work as a two-hander. I will expand it back into a three-hander and send it when they open their ten minute call, which they told me opens in a couple of weeks.

I uploaded and scheduled next week’s promos for both Legerdemain and Angel Hunt. I thought I’d written the loglines for the set of Angel Hunt episodes I uploaded a couple of weeks back, but I guess I didn’t. So that’s on the agenda for the week.

I booked tonight’s yoga class.

I had to trudge back out to pick up some of my mother’s prescriptions. Even though Aetna Silver Script was paid through the end of March, it was cancelled once Compass was entered – but Compass hasn’t bothered to send the insurance cards with the information. So they tried to charge me the full, uninsured price for the drugs. I said no, there was a screw up. They did some magic on their own computers, and it wound up being a ZERO co-pay. So much better than on Cape Cod, where every month’s prescriptions were a fight, and they tried to sell you pills “by the pill” under the table for cash only while they “investigated.”

Insurance in the United States, especially Medicare “supplemental” insurance is a scam.

I finished the script coverage on the novel a production company wanted me to read, and sent that off.

The first box of office supplies arrived, with the stack of yellow pads. So I’m fine with writing in longhand on yellow pads for this next bit.

I was happy to hear that the ICC issued a warrant for Putin’s arrest. About damn time. This country needs to charge The Narcissistic Sociopath. It’s been promised for years, and the indictments never come.

I started reading a Major Book by a Major Author (that was written/published in the 70s). While it’s well written, I wasn’t in the mood for male 70’s whatever, so I put it aside. I started reading Mary Gordon’s SPENDING instead, which I’d come across when researching and writing The Process Muse post about muses a few weeks back. That’s definitely more what I’m looking for right now. It deals with the theme of the male muse, and, in this case, it’s a wealthy man who underwrites an older female artist’s career.

I actually slept well Friday going into Saturday. I was still a little disoriented by the time change – between that and losing a few days due to the storm, I was never really sure what day it was last week.

We  left the house on Saturday and headed down to Pittsfield. We stopped in a shop on a whim, and found a few fun things, including a cake pan that makes little cakes in the shape of trains. We checked Re-store, but what I hoped for wasn’t there. Checked another favorite store and found a trio of gorgeous valences. Not that I know what I’ll do with them, but they are so beautiful and well-made that I grabbed them.

All the mail that had stacked up during the storm arrived in a flood: magazines, cards, my mom’s new insurance cards (finally), and the tarot deck I ordered.

It’s a pair of tarot decks, interpretations by Barbara Moore, art done by several artists. One deck is “As Above” and the second is “So Below.” They are different from each other and different than I expected, and it will take time to work with them properly. They do make sense for the coming year’s year-long reading that I do on Samhain, which takes two decks out of regular usage for an entire year.

A pair of white dudes were roaming the neighborhood pounding on doors, like incoming SWAT team. They said they were “checking the equity of the electrical company” and wanted copies of our electric bills. No lanyards, no company information, nothing. Do they really think we’re that stupid? I shut the door in their faces and refused to answer again when they started pounding. A legitimate company/nonprofit would have contacted the residents in writing ahead of time and had employees or volunteers with clear identification and some sort of professional whatever, even if it was a clipboard. Not dudes in climbing jackets pounding on doors asking for copies of utility bills. Not acceptable. And even with a clipboard and a lanyard, I wouldn’t have turned over my utility bill. Identity theft much?

Finished up the ironing from the latest fabric seasonal refresh and put everything away.

Read a lot. Mary Gordon’s SPENDING is giving me a lot to think about. It’s an exceptionally well-written book, and, especially in terms of what we were talking about on THE PROCESS MUSE a few weeks back about Muses, makes me think I’ll revisit the topic. Because, of course, the female artist/male muse experience is very different than the traditional male artist/female muse, and the book isn’t just a flip of that trope.

Sunday was a lethargic day for me, even though it was sunny. I need to remember that the day before the dark moon I have zero energy. Zero. And plan accordingly.

I did go out to a store to see if they had something I wanted; they didn’t, but they had a sale, and I got some cute summer shirts I can use for yoga and errands. Some went into the laundry basket; others have to be handwashed, and I got started on that.

Tried re-reading a book that had been a Big Deal back when it came out. While there’s some good stylistic work, it’s too much self-involved white boy, on the part of the protagonist and the author, and I just don’t care. There’s a lot of pretentiousness that was touted as brilliance at the time.

Ordered a pizza, because I was too tired to cook. I need to stop ordering in food so often. I can cook, and there’s food in the house.

Slept well Sunday into Monday, in spite of a series of weird dreams that Charlotte pulled me out of several times in the night.

I’d made peace with the fact I wasn’t going to get much of anything done at my desk in the morning, and that the afternoon would be all about script coverage, which took some pressure off me.

Plus, packed up everything I needed for errands Sunday night, which made me feel like I was six years old starting school.

Out of the house early on Monday, arriving way to early at the hair salon in Williamstown, but that was fine. I’d brought a book with me (I almost always have a book with me), and they were all very friendly and laid back. And masked. No signs, no fussing, people just did it, and that, too, made me feel more confident about the choice of salon. And the conversations all centered around the arts, rather than what I’ve heard so often at other salons, where it’s petty, vicious gossip.

The appointment took the full hour. I’ve never had a hair appointment that long that wasn’t with one of the Broadway hair dressers who used to cut my hair in my Broadway days. The longest appointment I ever had on Cape was twenty minutes. But then, only two haircuts in ten years there didn’t make me cry, so. . .

Anyway, the stylist was very nice. We figured length first, then she cut off the ponytail. I mean, the last time I got my hair cut was May of 2021, two weeks after my second vaccine shot. It was a lot of hair. If you saw the photo I posted on Insta/FB/Twitter – it was a lot of hair. They asked if I wanted to donate it and I said sure; they’re taking care of it. Then, it was a wash and condition, and the stylist got to practice her art. And it really was art. We’d gone over some photographs for basic ideas, and then she wanted to try something a little different, and I said, go for it. So she did, and it looks really good.

I feel like myself for the first time in years. YEARS.

It’s flattering, will grow out well, and not need a lot of fuss/product/styling in the day to day.

And it’s done before next week’s grant reception.

I was ever so pleased and gave quite the big tip, because she was worth every penny.

From there, I headed to my mom’s doctor’s office to update her insurance information. I went to Wild Oats to pick up a few things and use my member/owner credit from last year’s profits. I went to the pharmacist to make sure the insurance info was all updated, but the computer magic they did the other day held, and it’s all good. 

I ran into Big Y to pick up small tomatoes, which I’d forgotten to get at the Wild Oats (although I managed to get curry paste at WO). Then it was a library run, to drop off/pick up books, mostly from Commonwealth Catalog. Love me some Commonwealth Catalog!

Stopped at the bank to deposit some unexpected checks (always love those). And home.

Found out that the article went live on The Rumpus, so I grabbed the link, created a PDF, and sent the link and the PDF to the poets interviewed, and over to MassMoca’s press office, and Assets for Artists. I also pulled an article off Clippings.me and added this one to the online portfolio, and put the link over on the Fearless Ink website. And, of course, saved it to my Clip files.

That took time, but it’s always better to do it right away. Putting it aside to get to “someday” means too much stacks up at once. Plus, I want to make sure that the interview subjects and sources get the link and their PDF copy for their own files before they come across the piece n the wild. It’s just basic courtesy.

Did the social media rounds to share the article link.

Turned around three coverages in the afternoon/evening. I was interrupted a few times to deal with some other stuff that came up, so it took longer than it would normally, and I wasn’t finished until 9 PM. I was able to spend some time working out on the front porch, because it was sunny and mild enough, and the hyacinths are starting to bloom. Willa and Charlotte were out there, too. Tessa had regained control of the sofa and was not about to give it up.

The dishwasher decided to stop working. I hope it’s just a fuse, because I LOVE this dishwasher, and if they have to replace it, it’s not going to be with one this good. But we’ll empty it this morning after breakfast, do the dishes by hand and put them away, and I’ll get in touch with the maintenance guy and see if he can swing by in the next few days.

Made a frittata in honor of the Equinox, and did a simple ritual at night, before I went to bed.

Up early. Weird dreams, including something about a teashop. As I was coming up out of the dream, I kept telling myself to remember the name of the teashop, but, of course, I lost it by the time I was fully awake.

Tessa has decided that she is sick and tired of Charlotte and Willa eating her food, so now she marches into the kitchen and eats their food, especially right in front of them. It’s all the same food, but it’s the principle of the plates and bowls that’s the issue.

After doing the dishes, I will get back to the page. I’m looking forward to the start of the Dramatists’ Guild End of Play, staring April 1. I realized, over the weekend, that the work I’ve done on FALL FOREVER is solid, and the play is ready to be written. It’s not screaming at me that if I don’t start RIGHT THIS SECOND I’ll lose it. But it’s ready to go on April 1. The percolating and note taking I’ve done has set the foundation. I haven’t made a detailed outline, but I know the shape and the emotions and the themes and the characters. It feels ready, in a calm, grounded way, and that feels good and right for this project.

I need to get ahead on Legerdemain; by the end of this week, I have to upload more episodes, and while I have those, I’m running a little too close to deadline on it right now. I also want to do some work on the “Plot Bunnies” revision and re-release. I want to make sure it’s uploaded and scheduled by the end of the week. Later in the day, it’s social media rounds to promote today’s episode of Legerdemain, and then a script coverage. I only have one so far; I hope some more come in for the rest of the week. If not, I’ll switch my focus to the contest entries.

I have yoga class tonight, and then I will work on the next book for review.

I should have planted yesterday, but didn’t. The next planting day is Friday. I’m getting a late start this year. Oh, well. There’s still snow on the ground, so I’m not going to worry about it too much.

Have a good one!

Thurs. April 14, 2022: Figuring Out The Healing

image courtesy of Pexels via pixabay.com

Thursday, April 14, 2022

Waxing Moon

Partly Sunny and warm

There’s a post detailing the latest plantings over on Gratitude and Growth.

Yesterday was not as productive as I’d hoped (familiar refrain), mostly because I’m still not feeling well. I was feeling well enough to try to function, but bad enough so that everything and every ONE was an irritant.

I got through some email and did some prep for this morning’s meeting. I did some plotting for a couple more radio plays.

I went to the library, to drop off/pick up a stack of books in each direction. Something I read in one of my other books had a reference to playwright Ben Jonson, and that led me back to Elizabethan Theatre and an idea with which I’ve been playing for years. I’ve been trying to figure out how to make it work. I think by making it an alt-universe, and giving certain creative people the ability to understand multiple alt-universes, I can fix those challenges. Anyway, the research books are coming in. Time to open a fresh notebook and take good notes. In all my spare time. Yeah.

Grocery shopping, where I spent more than intended, but we are now set for a while, except for things like eggs, milk, bread.  And, even though we don’t celebrate Easter, I got my mom the Easter ham she wanted, and I’ll make a baked ham for Sunday.

Of course, one of the reasons I spent more than intended is because prices keep going up.

Mailed some bills, and some mail which had been misdelivered. There’s another street whose spelling has one more letter than my street, and I often get mail for the person at the same number on that street. I mark it as misdelivered and how, and put it back in the box.

Stopped at the liquor store, and found some new-to-me wines to try. Time to lighten up the wines for the season. Switch to lighter reds, and, eventually, over to rosé in the summer, because a good rosé goes with everything.

Home, exhausted. I stacked a few too many errands in that trip. Normally, it would make sense, but I’m still feeling poorly.

At the grocery store, I was in constant inner dialogue, since I was so grumpy. This is where meditation techniques come in handy. It was the constant question: Does this have anything to do with you? The answer was, of course, no. So drop it and move on. Because NONE of the people filling their carts and going about their lives were the cause of my irritation. They wouldn’t even have added to it on a normal day. Nothing they were doing was about me. And none of them deserved to have me take my irritability out on them. So I didn’t. Because they don’t deserve to have their day dampened by my irritation.

So what IS the source of my irritability? A lot of it is still feeling bad after the 4^th shot. I’m still achy, headachy, fatigued, and I’m tired of being tired. But more of it, I think is rooted in residual burnout, that I don’t have the time and resources to take a full break to recover. I have to focus on earning money for this major car repair. I have to get the car repaired. I have to keep up the housework, the cooking, the bills, the deadlines. Taking a weekend won’t fix it. I need a serious break. And I don’t have the option to take one.

What I am doing is rearranging my workday to fit energy levels, and matching each task to the energy best suited for it. I also want to get more enjoyment out of each day, including maximum enjoyment in the work. That means adjusting the kind of work I take on. I updated some profile information on a few referral sites, because there are certain types of work that, even six months ago, I was open to accepting, that I no longer want. There’s another arts referral/networking site where I need to create one (or more) profiles to draw the kind of work I want to draw. I have to think about how to create those profiles to best hit. Creating the Pages on Stages website was the right choice; I’m already seeing positive results from it.

It’s a process, and will take time, but it will pay off, I think. Drawing in more of the work I truly enjoy will take off a lot of pressure. Expanding the client base will take off a lot of the pressure. Raising rates for certain projects will take off a lot of the pressure.

That will give me the healing time I haven’t had post-surgeries, post-move.

What if, instead of feeling like I have to get out and network and enter into community life here, I just  . . .don’t? At least for this year? What if I only do what I want to do, and don’t feel like I “have” to be out and about? Like I “have” to network and put myself out there? The pandemic made us feel isolated and disconnected, and we all fought so hard to stay connected. What if I take more time to be solitary, virtually, as well as physically? There are still friends I haven’t seen in years with whom I hope to reconnect in person, and friends I like to see semi-regularly, which I still want to see. But rather than the whole “be out there building the network” thing, maybe I will take a different approach and a different route, at least this year.

Maybe, for me, part of the healing has to do with solitude, rather than isolation.

Not push people away, if they come into my life organically. But not dash around forcibly trying to add people into my life right now, either.

I’m still exploring that theory. I don’t have definite answers yet. I need to trust my intuition, and put it above the clamor of the “experts.” Because they don’t live in my skin. They haven’t lived what I have the past few years. They don’t have the knowledge to make proclamations on my life.

I can adjust my work, I can adjust my creative life, I can spend time enjoying what I enjoy, and limit external pressures.

I’ve never lived my life the way other people told me I “had” to. In spite of a decade on Cape where too many people tried to emotionally batter me into conformity, it didn’t work. And I’m not in that situation anymore, so why not enjoy what’s so different about things here? Because it is very different, and people tend to give each other more breathing room.

It’s a process, right? Try things, some work, some don’t. But what I’m being told are definitives aren’t necessarily relative to me personally, or to this new region.

So why not create my own definitives?

Although the thought of creating yet anything else is exhausting, but the act of creation tends to be restorative.

It was up in the high 70’s yesterday, and we opened all the windows and left the plants on the porch overnight. It was so nice to sleep with the windows open! This morning was the first day of the season I could do my early morning writing and have that first cup of coffee out on the porch, with Tessa keeping me company. It’s supposed to be warm again tonight, but then gets cold on Saturday, back down into the 30’s.

Meditation this morning. Then, some time at the page, before a video conference with a potential client. Then, some more errands and script coverage. I need to finish reading a book for review, so I can write the review tomorrow.

I think I’m going to take Monday as a holiday. I mean, I’m in a state where it’s a holiday, why not enjoy it?

Have a good whatever-you-celebrate, and I’ll catch you on the other side.