Tues. June 2, 2020: Die For Your Employer Day 15: Our Cities Are Burning, and They Laugh

Tuesday, June 2, 2020
Waxing Moon
Pluto Retrograde
Saturn Retrograde
Venus Retrograde
Jupiter Retrograde
Sunny and cool

It’s so cool around here that the heat’s kicked on the past couple of days.

Where to start? This country is burning to the ground, to the glee of the GOP. This is what they’ve worked toward since the Reagan years.

Reading Edward Robb Ellis’s diary, he writes about his anger when, in a news conference, Reagan says, “Facts are stupid.” The seeds were planted all the way back then.

I have felt my age a good deal these past days. There’s so much I can’t do to make things better; I’ve been focusing on what I CAN do, including working with my elected officials, doing what I do well (write) and using it in a context that can help, not harm.

I still feel useless, and then I feel guilty for feeling that, because it’s not about me. It’s about all of us. All of us with brains and hearts, anyway.

But there are things I can do. As with my view that true philanthropy is anonymous, I also don’t feel like I need to talk about every detail of everything I’m doing as a citizen to try to make things better. In spite of the pressure to “prove” oneself on social media. There are things I can and am doing (legal things) that I don’t need to report in minute detail. I do what I’m doing, work with my elected officials (many of whom are, at least, sane). I need to do what I can where I can, while keeping my eye on the bigger picture.

Riots were inevitable. While the Sociopath dances and claps and rage tweets and his (redacted) pulls her Marie Antoinette act and the GOP pats each other on the back, what the hell did they think would happen? People have nothing left to lose anymore. No jobs, no plan to control the pandemic, and getting murdered for existing. Especially since white domestic terrorists are allowed to do whatever they want without consequence.

It was inevitable that, in trying to force us into being serfs, there wouldn’t be revolt.

All the government has ever had to do was treat everyone as decent, valuable human beings.

It’s not difficult.

But they CHOSE not to. It has been a deliberate choice for my entire existence, and certainly long before that.

I will never forgive people like Senator Susan Collins, who could have done something to prevent this, and chose not to.

We will become the fascist enemy against whom the world will unite and fight. We will become what we fought in World War II.

The Sociopath using tear gas to clear his way for a photo op (where he looked like an idiot anyway, as usual) and threatening to use the military against citizens –egged on by Tom Cotton and his pals – is unacceptable.

On a more personal front, I just plugged along all weekend. I did some client work on Friday. A site had to go live yesterday at the business owner’s insistence, even though it’s not ready. So it is what it is and I just keep working on it.

A post went up yesterday on the GDR site about not having a To-Do list this month. That doesn’t mean I don’t have a lot that needs to get done; it means I’m not setting myself up for failure by putting up a list that would have to change by today.

Saturday was a big housework day: loads of laundry, changing the beds, vacuuming, mopping. The tree pollen is falling, so there’s a thick coat of yellow pollen on everything. I’m going to have to hose down the deck in the next couple of days.

The iris are blooming. I love that flower.

Got to spend some time out on the deck, although the neighbors and their constant use of power tools, all day every day, seven days a week, makes it impossible to sit outside and enjoy anything. The damn illegal fireworks don’t help, either. Like we don’t have enough to worry about, now illegal fireworks have curbside pickup, too? A couple of years ago, one of them almost caught the roof on fire. Not to mention how it hurts the animals and vets who are suffering from PTSD. But those morons believe their right to be destructive is greater than anyone else’s right to live peacefully.

Tessa didn’t want any part of the playpen, but Willa had a good time in it.

We have a pair of big brown bunnies in the yard (which probably means we will have little bunnies soon). Che Guevara Chipmunk argues with the robins, but leaves the bunnies alone. It’s pretty cute. Che is getting bold. He comes right up to me on the deck. Because Tessa isn’t there to chase him.

Grab moments of beauty when we can. It’s the only way to survive right now.

On Sunday, I re-read what I’ve written so far on THE BARD’S LAMENT, and I re-read and did some revisions on both THE BALTHAZAAR TREASURE and DAVY JONES DHARMA.

I’m happy with the way BARD is going. Now, I have to dig deeper and make it happen. BALTHAZAAR and DHARMA are both salvageable, which a few weeks ago, I thought they weren’t. So I have to get back on track with them, too.

I’m not sure how I will juggle all of this, especially with stresses of the client insisting on me being back in the office.

But I’ll have to find a way.

Yesterday was a decent first morning writing session on THE BARD’S LAMENT. I’m getting back into its rhythm, which is nice. I know where I need to go with it, I have a deadline, and I’m doing my best to meet it, and then move back to edits on THE BALTHAZAAR TREASURE.

The 99 cent promotion on the first three books is finished, and I’m deeply grateful to all the people who liked and Retweeted and bought the books during the sale. I hoped to get into an Overdrive promotion for June, but it doesn’t look like any of the books were chosen. So I’ll work on the teasers download, that’s the first three chapters of each of these three series, that I want to do as a free giveaway to hopefully, entice people to buy the full books.

Went onsite for the one client for whom I’m willing to go onsite. The other colleague and I staggered hours, and the client wasn’t in, so it was fine. Got done what I needed to; will do some more work for that client from home today, and then go in for a few hours again tomorrow.

Came home, changed, and went through another box from the basement. This one was all fabric. I’d thought it was old clothes that I have to give away, but no, it was actual fabric. The good stuff, from NYC. I sorted it and washed it. Some is apparel fabric, and some is décor fabric. Everything’s washed, and I figured out what I want to do with most of it. Now, it’s a case of building time into the schedule to get it done.

Turned in a book review and got another book assigned. I hope the reviewing picks up again. I can use the money. That money can pay for the lawn mowing all summer!

I was exhausted because on Monday, I’d been up since 2:30 in the morning. I was up just after 5 today.

Had an excellent morning writing session on THE BARD’S LAMENT, and feel good about it. Wrote about 7 pages on it. If I can keep steady on it, I think I can make my deadline.

I have to turn some of my writing time to the Susanna Centlivre play, too. I want to get that drafted by the end of the month.

No LOIs out the past few days, although I got some out over the weekend.

Tracking the virus cases in the state, watching the numbers fluctuate. They are still too high, in my opinion, to warrant the way re-opening is being handled. Deaths and new case numbers flowed up and down. Yesterday’s numbers were considerably down; there may be a bump in the numbers over the next few days because the state is also counting “suspected” cases, not just confirmed, which should give a better view of the real numbers. The consequences of Memorial Day Weekend won’t be seen for another week or so.

It would be good if I’m wrong and the numbers keep going down.

But I can’t see that happening, with so much reckless behavior going on.

Focusing on what I can do, and where I can have a positive impact, and trying not to get overwhelmed.

I am, though, angry. Very, very angry.

Peace to you, friends.

Tuesday, Aug. 7, 2018: The Exhaustive Stage of Grief

Tuesday, August 7, 2018
Waning Moon
Saturn Retrograde
Pluto Retrograde
Neptune Retrograde
Mars Retrograde
Mercury Retrograde
Sunny, hot, humid

Hop on over to A Biblio Paradise to read about Lucy Burdette’s newest Key West Food Critic Mystery, Death on the Menu.

It’s been a rough few days. I keep expecting Iris to hop up on whatever I’m working on and made one of her feline demands; I keep coming across cool things to do and thinking, “Pam would enjoy this.”

None of that is possible anymore. It’s tough.

Friday was terribly hard. I was exhausted, I was sad. I tried to nap in the afternoon, and couldn’t.

On the positive side, the Heart Chakra box from Goddess Provisions arrived early – just when I needed it. It was a welcome treat.

I managed to pull myself together to attend a dinner party given by my friend and colleague, author Arlene Kay, for our mutual friend and colleague, Carole Buggé, whose sold 50,000 copies of her newest release, Edinburgh Twilight.

It was a lovely evening. I got to see people I hadn’t seen in a long time, and meet some new ones. The house was lovely, the food was spectacular, the conversation lively. It was a delightful evening.

Saturday, some friends from Connecticut stopped by on their way to Nantucket; they’ll be there for three weeks, so I might get the chance to visit with them there again.

But I was worn out and that was all I could do. It’s the stage of grief where everything is exhausting. You’re trying to function as needed, you’re working not to make it all about your grief for everyone else, and it’s exhausting. I feel like I’m plodding. All I want to do is sleep, but when I lie down, I can’t.

I read a lot, I played with Tessa (who is very upset), I tried to stay cool. I’d been in conversations to adopt another cat before Iris’s death, and it looks like we’ll get to pick her up this coming Friday. She’s only a year younger than Tessa, and supposed to be friendly, and a tortie, so I hope they will become good friends in time.

Yesterday, today, and tomorrow, I’m with a client. I’m trying to put one foot in front of the other and get done what I have to. I’ve cancelled out of several things to just give myself time to grieve in peace.

My yoga and meditation practices are a big help.

I haven’t written much on RELICS the past few days, or DHARMA, with the deadlines looming. I managed to write about thirty pages of an idea I’m playing with – I needed something different to work on, without pressure. I’ll get back into the harness with RELICS later this week. It means a deadline extension, but I’m lucky that I’ve earned one.

Onward.

 

Friday, Aug. 3, 2018: Loss

Friday, August 3, 2018
Waning Moon
Saturn Retrograde
Pluto Retrograde
Neptune Retrograde
Mars Retrograde
Mercury Retrograde
Sunny, cloudy, hot, humid

The last 24 hours have been rough.

My lovely, vibrant, dynamic friend Pamela Wills passed away, after a battle with cancer. I met her at the Artist HobNob Group she started. I was frustrated by the lack of support for artists in the area. There’s a lot of talk about the importance of the arts, but no one wants to pay for talent, unless it’s a visiting artist in for an event. Heaven forbid you want to be a WORKING artist in this area, and get paid for your actual profession in the arts; Pam started a group determined to change the way they were valued, and, more importantly, to teach them to value themselves. Everyone who attended was welcomed and valued for WHO THEY WERE, and their dreams encouraged, along with practical advice on how to get there.

I didn’t know her as long as many others in the area who are also grieving, but she had a strong, positive impact on my life, along with many others.

I believed that she could and would beat the cancer. Out of everyone I know, she is the one I would have bet to win, and then use her experience as a survivor to improve the world even more than she already did.

Her daughter starts college in autumn; it’s a tough time for her, and for the whole family. There’s a whole community of people ready to help, to love, and support. That doesn’t lessen the loss, but hopefully it will help the healing.

I’ve been playing with an idea she inspired (which will, if it works, be dedicated to her). Although I’m setting it near Culzean Castle, in Scotland, her inspiration is the lynchpin.

The world is a dimmer place without her love, her laugh, her wisdom, her chutzpah, her inspiration.

As I digested that news, I also did whatever I could for Iris, who weakened hour by hour. She slipped away peacefully a little before two a.m. this morning. I took her remains to the 24-hour vet in Dennis for cremation. I had the radio on to keep me company — Prince on the way there. As I drove out of the parking lot, after making arrangements, “Dust in the Wind” came on, and then a bunch of old favorites from the 1980s.

Iris was one of the twins, Iris & Violet, that I adopted right before MISS SAIGON closed. They were born under a friend’s porch, and only a month old, two little gray fluffballs, when I adopted them. I hand-raised them. I was lucky enough to have Violet for 15 years and Iris for 18 years. Once Violet died, Iris never purred again. They had never been separated for even a day until Violet died.

So I was up most of the night. I’m supposed to be in and out of a conference this weekend, and at an alumni event tomorrow. I’m cutting back my time. I’m going to a dinner party tonight given by one friend for a visiting friend; I’m pretty sure I can put on the Broadway and be a good guest. It will be good to be around fellow creatives, and the evening isn’t about me, and I have no intention of making it so.

I have cancelled out of tomorrow — I couldn’t face mixing with a lot of people I don’t know, even with NYU in common. We do have friends stopping over early in the morning on their way to Nantucket; I’m putting on a spread for them.

Which means a lot of house cleaning today, which we had to do anyway – washing bedding, putting away Iris’s things. I was already in negotiation to adopt a friend for Tessa; I should be able to pick her up next week.

Tessa, my younger black cat, is very upset. She keeps looking for Iris; she follows us around; whenever one of us leaves the house, she gets anxious.

I’ve given myself the day off writing today. If I feel like I can concentrate, I will try to get some work done, but I won’t beat myself up if I don’t.

I did a nice chunk of work on RELICS & REQUIEM yesterday (not enough, but close), and even started getting back into DAVY JONES DHARMA.

I have an article to finish to post for next Tuesday, and I want to finish writing the foreword for my friend’s book and get it out earlier rather than later.

And spend a lot of time playing with Tessa.

I have candles burning for Pam and for Iris. I will give myself the room to feel sad.

But I am so grateful that both Pam and Iris were a part of my life. The joys make up for the loss. Or, rather, they will, when time allows the joyful memories to overpower the sadness.

Mon. July 21, 2014: Chaotic Start to the Week

Monday, July 21, 2014
Waning Moon
Saturn Retrograde
Sunny and cool
 

Friday was busy at the library, complicated by the fact that I don’t have a working computer at the moment, and different computers have different programs, so I migrated between six different computers over the course of the day, trying to get things done.

I also had to keep my phone on all day, because Iris was quite sick in the morning, and I was worried I’d have to rush her to the vet at a moment’s notice. But, she got better as the day wore on. I suspect it’s a bad reaction to the flea/tick medicine.

After work, my boss and I headed to Centerville Library, to support the dedication of the new addition. I hadn’t seen the whole thing yet — it’s gorgeous. The Community Room is huge, great for events, would be great for yoga. The bookstore is also magnificent. The renovation’s beautiful, and worth every penny. There was champagne, and there were h’ors d’oervres. Everything was lovely. Got to see some of the staff I’ve known since I moved to Centerville, and introduce my boss around. The director from Hyannis was also there, and I got to meet her, along with some other locals. It was good that we were there, supporting a fellow library. I was surprised and a bit dismayed that more library personnel from other libraries weren’t there.

We came back to the house for martinis on the deck, and then headed back to the Mills, where a sports auction was going on in Liberty Hall, the door take to benefit the library. I wound up bidding on (and getting) a wicker chair for my mom and some minor league hockey pins for myself.

Home, tired, unwound a bit. Saturday was my “on” day at the library, so I was up early and over there. Still no working computer for me, so I floated around to other computers, trying to complete paperwork and place some orders.

When I got back from the library, I cleaned, repaired, and sanded down the wicker chair. The caned seat needed to be fixed, and some of the wicker was coming unspun, so I fixed all of that. The frame is a good, sturdy wood. It’s been painted quite a few things, under the white — red, hot pink, and green.

Did some research for upcoming projects, got some reading in. Thoroughly enjoyed Ilona Andrews CLEAN SWEEP. Lori Roy’s UNTIL SHE COMES HOME is both claustrophobic and disturbing, but in a good way. Elizabeth Adler’s SAILING TO CAPRI was fun.

Watched COMPANY MEN — excellent movie. Didn’t get enough attention when it came out. What a terrific cast — Ben Affleck, Rosemarie DeWitt, Tommy Lee Jones, Maria Bello, Kevin Costner, and great supporting actors as well. Really well done, but John Wells only does excellent work.

Slept in on Sunday. It was raining off and on, so I couldn’t mow. But I did head to Home Depot. Don’t like shopping there, but I hoped to replace a lamp globe I broke and pick up paint for the chair. The staff was disgustingly unhelpful with the lamp globe. Not only did they not know how to help, they didn’t care. I found the paint though — called “Spa Blue”. Painted the bottom of the chair. Took most of the day to dry.

Had to fix my bed frame and do stuff around the house. Also cooked some Sichuan Noodles and steamed vegetables in a ginger soy sauce for tonight’s meeting.

Planned to go to a climate change lecture, but something happened and the lecturer was delayed indefinitely, and I couldn’t wait around.

Got some research and other work done, then watched PEACE, LOVE, AND MISUNDERSTANDING, which was a lot of fun.

Up early this morning. Couldn’t find the flash drive with all my work on it. Drove to the library and found it in one of the public computers I’d been using on Saturday. This is what happens when I’m constantly interrupted. Came back, started to paint the front of the chair, ran out of paint, went back to Home Depot (only because it was the only place open that early), got more paint, finished painting the chair. It’s drying.

The writing plan for this morning is on POWER OF WORDS and BALTHAZAAR TREASURE. I have to nip out to one of the libraries to get a few things done, and then pick up a cushion at Christmas Tree Shops for the chair. I need to finish a review for my editor, work on some media kits, and then head to Buzzards Bay for a Mermaid Ball Meeting tonight.

Did about 1500 words on POWER OF WORDS. Have to nail down the writer’s rough on BALTHAZAAR. I’m going in circles every time I sit down to write. Book 3 is almost fully formed, but book 2 is not. It’s frustrating, because somewhere I HAVE a detailed writer’s rough, but I can’t find it in any of the files or the drives. So I have to start over.

Have a great week!

Devon

Thurs. April 25, 2013: Still Rainy and Raw

Thursday, April 25, 2013
Full Moon
Saturn Retrograde
Cloudy and cool

Yesterday was no where near as productive as I wished. I was checking on Iris every few minutes, struggling with Chapter 13 of the book, and working with students. I baked brownies, and, in the evening, went to the Volunteer Appreciation dinner at the National Marine Life Center, which was fun. The organization really does honor and respect its volunteers, and it’s a great environment.

This morning, I spent some early morning time outside with Tessa meditating, and then it was off to yoga. Great class, and gave me ideas on layering more yoga into the book (because, after all, my protagonist is a yoga teacher).

Iris is much better this morning, ate a lot, is back to almost-normal — poor little thing!

Have to finalize the last few things for Saturday’s conference, and finish printing materials out.

I heard about a community yoga half-day on Sunday — if I’m not completely wiped out from Saturday, I’d like to do it.

AND, of course, if I’m up-to-date with my deadlines! 😉

Read an interesting book, the first of a new series by Marcia Muller and Bill Pronzoni (two writers whose work I like). They have a new series set in SF in 1894 and have wonderful sensory and historical detail and great characters. The first book is called THE BUGHOUSE AFFAIR, the one I read yesterday. There was one choice off adding a recognizable character which didn’t quite work for me, but I liked the rest of it to roll with it anyway.

An interesting opportunity landed on my desk yesterday. It could be a chance to be part of something exciting, but I have to see how it balances out against the rest of my commitments.

Back to the page.

Devon

For more information and to sign up for your free Manuscript Preparation Tips in May, visit http://www.fearlessink.com/manuscript.html. In addition to a free tip each weekday from May 1-24, you get a 10% discount code on a critique of up to 30 pages, and signed up for Devon’s Random Newsletter. Come join the fun!

Wed. April 24, 2013: Storms and Episodes

Wednesday, April 25, 2013
Waxing Moon
Saturn Retrograde
Rainy and cold

It was a raw, rainy day, but I fought and struggled and finally got Chapter 12 done in the book. I was too tired to move on to Chapter 13, but I got Chapter 12 in decent enough shape where I can now move on.

I also set up a blog for one of the organizations with which I work, and our first post is about our Arbor Day event, here. I did not design the flyer — that was done by a professional designer! But that’s the event.

Meeting went well, came home, did some other work. Worked with students. Talked to some new editing clients to book slots.

I’m delighted by how many people are excited by the May Manuscript Preparation Tips. Keep signing up! Information below.

On the way to the meeting, I saw an ad for free ladder back chairs on Craigslist. I assumed they would be in poor shape, but figured that I could fasten a board over the seat, paint them bright colors, and use them as plant stands on the deck this summer. However, the wood on the chairs is nice and in good shape. The seats — which the ad said needed to be “re-caned” are actually ropes, not cane. While some of them are in bad shape, I may be able to learn how to do it so I can fix the seats myself, and maybe they can be used for seating. If I chose to use them for plants (replacing the seat area with boards rather than re-roping), I’d probably paint and stencil the boards, but keep the wood in its color, just using a weather sealant over it.

Dreamed the book again last night (I’m at THAT stage of the process), so I feel like I haven’t gotten any rest.

I have to bake for tonight’s event, write the next chapter of the book, work on some pitches, work with students, sort out what I need to bring back to the NMLC, etc.

Iris had another “episode” this morning, and is very disoriented. It’s not as severe as previous ones, and she’s resting comfortably; she’s just confused. Poor little thing.

I’ve got a post up on Gratitude and Growth about the tulips with some pictures of the yard. Stop by and leave a comment!

Devon

For more information and to sign up for your free Manuscript Preparation Tips in May, visit http://www.fearlessink.com/manuscript.html. In addition to a free tip each weekday from May 1-24, you get a 10% discount code on a critique of up to 30 pages, and signed up for Devon’s Random Newsletter. Come join the fun!

Mon. Oct. 22, 2012: Scary Times with Sick Kitty

Iris lounging on a better day

Monday, October 22, 2012
Waxing Moon
Neptune Retrograde
Uranus Retrograde
Sunny and mild

Quite the weekend! But before we start on that, hop on over to A Bible Paradise for a cool round-table interview with some of the contributors from DEATH SPARKLES.

The big and scary thing for the weekend was that Iris was very sick. Yesterday morning, I couldn’t find her, and, when I did, I thought I had to rush her to the emergency vet. She was in bad shape, and I have no idea why. About 45 minutes later, she was a little better, so the vet & I agreed to keep her quiet and watch her, and, if it got worse, bring her in later.

She hid for a few hours (and we checked on her every 20 minutes), then came down on her own in the early afternoon, ate, and curled up in her usual spot. She was quieter than usual, but definitely not at death’s door. She even had bedtime snacks, although she decided to stay downstairs instead of coming up with the others. This morning, she was moving slowly and quiet, but she ate all her breakfast and most of Violet’s (the usual), so, hopefully, she’s on the mend.

I think she had another seizure, like she had four or five years ago. I’m going to watch her for a few days to see how she does, and maybe take her in for a blood test. Last time, they couldn’t find anything and said either they’d be infrequent, or she’d get more of them and have to be put on anti-seizure medication. This is the first one she’s had in years.

Scary times, and the other two cats worried and stuck close.

I don’t remember much of Friday, except I worked hard, and had a phone conference with an agent about the proposal. A few things I was worried about Thursday were cleared up Friday — as usual, I was fretting when no fretting was necessary. And I got my hair chopped off — it was too long and I couldn’t stand it anymore. I’m much happier with it now.

I read my fellow students’ projects for the Sustainability class and commented on them. I wrote my final paper (“Full Circle Humanity”) and submitted it, and commented on the discussion projects submitted for grading. Uploaded my lectures and exercises for my own class.

Saturday morning, I watched the video lectures for my final week in Sustainability and took the quizzes. I think one of the speakers in the TED talk video might be good for a keynote speaker at the Writers’ Conference next year. I’ll suggest it.

I worked with my students all afternoon and well into the evening (their work was awesome and it was a pleasure), and then caught up on the Greek & Roman Mythology lectures and took the quiz (got 100%). I started the lectures for the World History class and took the quizzes for the lectures I’d watched (100% on all of those).

Sunday, I had the worries with Iris, which framed the whole day. In and around that, I did follow-up with my students, watched the rest of my World History Lectures, took the quizzes (100% on all of them), and wrote my papers for both classes. I’d been working on them for the whole week, but it was a case of pulling it all together and on paper.

My Greek & Roman Mythology paper was, from a writer’s perspective, why Homer needed book 24 of the Odyssey, instead of stopping at Book 23. The original paper was nearly 1300 words (and could have been much more), but I had to cut it down to 350. Talk about a challenge! However, it was interesting, and I want to dig deeper and expand it out beyond class.

My World History paper was on how conversation changed the world. The very structures that allowed the moneyed and educated to meet and discuss ideas about liberty and rights — a structure that allowed for servants and/or slaves — made it possible for these “unseen” in the room to learn, too, and start applying those principles to themselves. I tried to integrate the feedback from the last paper — specifics from my research within the text — so I did that, this time. Again, this is something I want to expand on beyond class — a really interesting topic.

And my lovely, diplomatic professor addressed the whiners complaining that there is work for the class and deadlines that have to be met by pointing out that that’s part of the university experience!

I worked on the tweaks for the proposal last night and sent it off to the agent. We’re going to talk more this afternoon, for any final comments and changes, before she takes it out into the world.

I already spoke to the vet this morning, and I’m on my way out the door for meetings. When I come back, I have to clean the house (Costume Imp arrives tomorrow), get the recycling out, and finish the edits on OLD-FASHIONED DETECTIVE WORK.

The Sustainability Course is done — I’m just waiting for my final grades, and having separation anxiety! So this week, only Mythology and History — along with all the other stuff that needs to get done!

Onward!

Devon