Fri. Aug. 25, 2017: Thoughts on Forced Extroversion by an Introvert

Friday, August 25, 2017
Waxing Moon
Neptune Retrograde
Uranus Retrograde
Mercury Retrograde
Sunny and cool

Ten more days of Mercury Retrograde. Ack!

Sent out some pitches and an initial step of a proposal for a project I’d really like to do. I only heard about it very close to their deadline, so they may already have hired someone, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, and it’s in my wheelhouse, right on target (to mix metaphors), so I gave it a shot.

Worked on “Labor Intensive”, which lived up to its name.

Worked on the revisions for SAVASANA AT SEA. I thought I’d done so much, because I’m in serious beat-to-beat change territory, but it was only a few chapters. A little discouraging, but slow progress is better than no progress.

Got another round of copy edits back on PLAYING THE ANGLES. I don’t understand all of them — some of them refer to changes I made — so I have to go over it with the copy editor. Not sure if the changes didn’t save properly, or if I have to enter them differently in the document or what. We’ll get it sorted out.

Sending back some research books for projects that are farther out in the schedule, because I can’t effectively use them in the current timeline. Noted them, so I can order them again when I need them.

Did some promo for the Topic Workbook The Graveyard of Abandoned Projects which holds up well. This fall, I need to apply some of the techniques, as I reschedule projects for 2018.

Getting the balance right between the fiction and the nonfiction is always tricky. That and deciding where and how to use the peak of my creative energy on any given day.

There was a fantastic piece posted on Facebook, leading back to an article about introverts. As an introvert, it resonated. One of the things I deeply resent about living here is that I’m constantly forced into extroversion, which is painful and makes me miserable. In NY, you were who you were, and, as long as you did your work, no one cared. Here, the pressure to be constantly extroverted — and always to someone else’s convenience — makes me both miserable and furious.

I feel like I’ve lost a vital part of what made me good at what I do, living here. On the one hand, the place itself — the ocean, the land — have definitely helped my work, and in some ways, the quality of life is better. But the constant intrusions into my personal space and needs and the demands that I change the core of who I am to “fit” — well, guess what? I won’t. “Fitting in” has never driven me. I tried to be a civilian and a part of community life, and the prevalent “gimme culture” here doesn’t work, along with the lack of support for the arts (in spite of pretending the opposite). So I’m redrawing boundaries, and I don’t really care if it suits anyone else.

The theory that one can’t have privacy or a personal life if you work in the arts or set foot in social media (or even outside one’s own door) is ridiculous. I get to decide what to share with others. They get to decide what to share with me. The only exception is if any of us are involved in something that actively hurts those around us, instead of peaceful co-existence.

Remember, fellow female travelers, all those times you walk down the street, minding your own business, mulling over whatever needs attention and some jackass calls out, “Smile, honey!”

Forced constant extroversion is the same thing.

I’m not going to damn smile if I don’t want to. Not then nor now. (Which, since I usually am smiling, if I’m not, you can be sure there’s a reason for it, and back the eff off).

I’m not going to be forced into being someone I am not, and someone I do not wish to become.

Nor do I have to explain WHY I don’t want to do something or go somewhere. If I say “no” it is no, and I don’t need to qualify it.

I’m going back to being who I am.

Wherever that may lead.

That’s how I got to Broadway and lived my dream. That’ll work moving forward.

In any case, have a great weekend! I have lots of hearth-tending to do this weekend, along with A LOT of writing.

Best wishes to those in the path of Hurricane Harvey. I hope something happens and the storm weakens and it’s not anywhere near as bad as predicted.

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Thurs. July 6, 2017: Trying to Get It Together

Thursday, July 6, 2017
Waxing Moon
Saturn Retrograde
Neptune Retrograde
Sunny and pleasant

I am having trouble getting it together today. I woke up around 3:30 and had trouble getting back to sleep. When I finally got back to sleep, I overslept and staggered around this morning.

I had a lot of email and admin to catch up on yesterday. I got the front mowed; I have to get more gas for the mower, and then I can continue. Not that I’m looking forward to it.

The afternoon was spent on researching new freelance markets, working on the schedule to add the Gwen Finnegan mysteries back into the mix, and putting together a potential list of book bloggers to pitch PLAYING THE ANGLES. “Ramsey Chase” PR also went out.

I wanted a day to clear my head from “Ramsey Chase” proof — I have to look at it again today.

A writer friend contacted me about a very sick little girl, daughter of a librarian, who could use cards and letters to cheer her up. I’m going to send her a card and write a flash fiction piece just for her.

Grocery shopping this morning. Now, I’m off to send some pitches, post information about “Ramsey” on the website, then to get gas for the mower and mow the side yard. I want to write the flash fiction piece this afternoon, proofread “Ramsey” one final time, and do some work on FIX IT GIRL. All I want to do is go back to bed, but that’s not an option.

I’m still frustrated by the continued late payments from two places that are adding unnecessary stress to this month. I may well cut ties with both places once I’m paid.

Frustrated by a few other things, but it won’t help to publicly vent. One thing that I realized is really bothering me — it shocks me that New York City is more supportive of introverts than Cape Cod. I am sick and tired of people trying to force me to be an extrovert here — that I HAVE to do this or that with people I don’t know and don’t care to know. No, I do NOT have to interact with them. I am not here to make YOUR life more convenient; I am here to live my own. Fuck off.

On that happy, note (yes, that’s sarcasm), I am off to get going on my day. Late, but I still need to get a lot done.

I’m looking forward in getting back to the page. I hate it when I have to do errands early to avoid the stupid tourists, and then it throws my writing schedule off. Makes me think I should have just gotten up at 3:30 AM and written then.

I’m happy about “Ramsey Chase”, though. It’s a fun piece and says what I wanted it to say.

Fingers crossed some of these pitches hit today.

Published in: on July 6, 2017 at 10:04 am  Comments Off on Thurs. July 6, 2017: Trying to Get It Together  
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