Fri. May 31, 2019: Discouraging Few Days

Friday, May 31, 2019
Waning Moon
Jupiter Retrograde
Pluto Retrograde
Saturn Retrograde
Sunny and warm

Going through a rough stretch. Sorry I didn’t post yesterday. Didn’t post to the garden blog, either, and won’t be able to until next week. Considering how much work I’ve done in the garden, with so little return – oh, well. GDR wrap-up isn’t up, either; I’ll do it early next week, although I’m going to be so discouraged, I hate even the thought of making the list.

Wednesday night, the refrigerator died. Called the landlord, dashed to K-Mart to buy a set of nested super coolers. Down to the corner store to buy ice. Unloaded the fridge and freezer and packed up everything, setting it out on the deck. We had a cool night, which helped.

Cleaned out the kitchen yesterday, making room for the fridge move. The landlord came by to look at the downed tree limb and the leaning tree, and will get someone in to take care of them. He also noted everything that wasn’t done, and it turns out that one of my favorite shrubs is something that is basically a weed and shouldn’t be there.

So I feel like a complete failure.

At the same time, even though I’m a freelancer, I put in at least a 60 hour week. I’m not a retired Cape Codder, like so many others who spend eight hours a day in the yard, nor can I afford a landscape service to come in. The place hardly looks like a vacant lot. Plus, I LIKE it to look a little wild, a little like an enchanted cottage. I WANT it to have all the elements that the National Wildlife Federation list as necessary for a habitat.

This is why I need to buy. So that I can do whatever I damn well please in my own house and yard.

But I really like and respect my landlord, and hate feeling like I let him down.

They were an hour late with the new fridge, which is a spare my landlord had, but it’s really nice. It’s a little smaller, but the way the space is arranged, we have more room. It was nice to organize things a little differently.

I AM the queen of condiments. Wow. I didn’t realize I had so much. Even though I use them.

We lost some things, and some of what we lost would have been tossed in the semi-annual fridge cleanout anyway. So, it wasn’t bad.

The cats kept staring at the new fridge as though they expect it to expel tuna treats any minute. It’s pretty funny.

I was exhausted, overwhelmed, frustrated, and discouraged last night, not to mention in pain. I gave in and took a Tylenol PM so that maybe, MAYBE, I’d sleep through the night for once. I woke up around 12:30, but managed to get back to sleep. Then, I felt like crap when I woke up, and still feel like crap. I’ve already had two crying jags, and it’s not even noon.

Went out to pick up some necessary stuff at Kmart again this morning – cleaning supplies, etc. Getting some work done, and then I have to make a run to the garden store to get fertilizer in.

It’s sunny, so I have to work in the yard. I still need to put back the stuff we took out of the kitchen. I still have writing to do, and LOIs to get out. I need rest, I need a break so badly, and I can’t take the time for it. But not taking the time for it means I’ll just feel worse. So I’m screwed no matter what I do.

Which really sums up the entire month of May.

Hope your May was better than mine, and have a great weekend.

Published in: on May 31, 2019 at 9:15 am  Comments Off on Fri. May 31, 2019: Discouraging Few Days  
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Wed. March 6, 2013: This Mercury Retrograde Sucks!

Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Waning Moon
Mercury Retrograde
Saturn Retrograde
Rainy and cold

Yesterday was just thing after thing after thing after thing with Mercury Retrograde, complicated by the Saturn Retrograde.

On the positive side, I worked with students and spent time putting together a portfolio for a big, important meeting set to happen this afternoon. I revised per editor suggestion and sent out an article as requested.

On the not-so-positive side, I’m trying to adjust the marketing for the delayed release. Some sites are cool with it; several, especially those that are high profile, book months in advance, and are adamant that the book be available when the appearance goes live, are not, and I will not get those slots back. Whether the chances of landing a spot in the future are ruined or not remain to be seen.

I’d managed to work rehearsals around a meeting scheduled for tonight, and, although I was working until the last minute to get there, I was really proud of myself for doing it. Only to find out that the meeting was actually two hours before — I’d written it down and memorized it wrong. That was entirely my screw-up, and inexcusable. I’m usually pretty good about stuff like that, and I messed up.

I sat down at the meeting site and emailed an apology to my colleagues. I don’t want them to feel that I don’t respect their time.

Then, I was halfway home before I realized I left something at the meeting site and had to turn around, go back, and fetch it. I was in tears all the way home, just overwhelmed and exhausted.

The coordinator was very understanding, and I appreciate it.

This morning, I hope to get some writing and meeting prep done. If I don’t screw up this afternoon’s meeting, it could open some terrific doors. But I’m discouraged, blue, overwhelmed, and don’t feel on my game at all. I will have to do an attitude readjustment before I leave.

I’ve checked the time and place at least a half a dozen times to make sure I am in the right place at the right time!

Devon

Published in: on March 6, 2013 at 7:37 am  Comments (2)  
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Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Waning Moon
Pluto Retrograde
Neptune Retrograde
Mercury Retrograde
Cloudy and cool

Worked steadily all day and still couldn’t get it all done. That, and a series of setbacks which normally wouldn’t have been a big deal, but together were very discouraging, just shattered the morale. But it goes like that sometimes. We all have days were we feel like talentless failures, and yesterday was mine. You get through it, see what you can do better and differently moving forward, and then move forward. Staying mired in misery doesn’t solve anything. I allowed myself a fifteen minute pity party, and then it was time to get back to work.

The weather didn’t help, either. The downpours over the past days have pretty much guaranteed whatever’s trying to grow in the garden is rotting.

On the bright side, I baked two batches of banana-walnut-chocolate chunk cookies. And, I got to go to my colleague’s art opening in Hyannis. It was packed, people were having a great time, several of the studios were open, and it was a lovely night, in spite of the weather. It’s a good launch for him, and I’m pleased.

I’ve packed projects and most of my suitcase. I’m hoping we have yoga on the beach this morning, even with the wet and the chill — it’ll be my last chance to go for several weeks (adds to my general discouragement).

Have some last minute grocery shopping to do when I get back, a polish on a couple of articles that need to get out the door, and then I’m headed to the Marine Life Center to work on the Mermaid Ball and take some photos for my article. Then, I’ll be working tonight until it’s all done, and headed to a job tomorrow morning.

Devon

Published in: on August 16, 2011 at 4:58 am  Comments (5)  
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