Thurs. Dec. 30, 2021: Wanting Peace, Feeling Despair

image courtesy of Jordan_Singh via pixabay.com

Thursday, December 30, 2021

Waning Moon

Uranus and Venus Retrograde

Rainy and cold

I didn’t go for the car inspection yesterday, which means it has to happen today. I’m worried that the car won’t pass, and then what?

Yesterday, I finished the one act version of “Dawn & Dorothy in the Afterlife”, gave it a polish, and sent it off. It feels good to have all three plays out by deadline. I do want to expand “Dawn & Dorothy” into a full-length, maybe next year, if I can fit it into the schedule. It took some interesting turns.

Wrote up script coverage; read two more scripts that I will write up today.

The first shipment of books for the contest I’m judging arrived. They look good, and I look forward to diving into them next week. Worked on the books for review. So much for time off, right?

But if the car needs a repair, I have to dig down and take on as much work as needed to earn that money. I’m so tired of something going kerplooey every time I get a little bit ahead. I need a little breathing room. I need a little rest.

I have another script to read today, and I hope to write it up tonight, so that I can take the whole weekend off.

I want to look forward to 2022, but honestly, at this point, I’m just wondering what fresh hell it will bring. At the same time, I don’t want to be negative, but every time I have a little bit of hope, it’s destroyed.

The poor response to the pandemic doesn’t help, either. Once again, profit is put ahead of people. Where are the monthly stimulus payments that were promised, throughout the pandemic? The testing hasn’t been figured out, almost three years in? The CDC keeps rolling BACK precautions as numbers rise? The exact opposite of what these candidates promised. The Democrats are failing, yet again. Yay, economy booming – but at too high a cost of human life. And all the security nets we were promised to get us through the pandemic have been pulled away, because of fucking CEOs who don’t give a damn about people, only profit.

In NYC today, two subway lines are suspended because of staff shortages due to COVID. All because the Republicans are allowed to do whatever they want, whether or not they have a majority. And they don’t give a damn how many die, as long as they can line their own pockets.

Anyway, let’s hope my day gets better. There was no meditation group today, and I missed it. But, if I can get everything done today, maybe I can do some deep meditation work this weekend, and greet the New Year in a more positive frame of mind.

I wish you a safe and peaceful New Year, and a joyful start to 2022.

Catch you on the other side, friends.

Wed. Dec. 29, 2021: A Day at the Desk

image courtesy of voltamax via pixabay.com

Wednesday, December 29, 2021

Waning Moon

Uranus and Venus Retrograde

Snowing

Yesterday was kind of a mixed day. I did more admin work than I planned in the morning, which cut into the writing time, but it needed to be done. I need to move admin later in the day, because it siphons off too much creative energy if I do it in the morning.

It cleared up enough mid-morning for me to gather the rolly cart and a few bags and walk to Big Y. It’s not that far, about ¾ of a mile. Because the streets are one-way around here, the necessary curlicues one has to take on the roads make it farther in the car. It’s a pretty straight shot on foot. Plus, I looked in store windows and art spaces and walked by Ramunto’s Pizza, which always smells so wonderful. I haven’t tried them yet; they are on my list.

Picked up my mom’s prescription at CVS, then went next door to Big Y. The carts have wider rims, so the hooks on my rolly cart didn’t work, and I had to stash my cart inside the bigger cart instead of hanging it off the end, like I’ve done in other stores. But I didn’t need much, although I bought more than I planned.

I found a duck, which is exciting, although I think I will cook it for New Year’s Eve, rather than New Year’s Day.  I’ll do the baked salmon on the Day instead, which will balance better with the Eggs Benedict breakfast anyway.

It wasn’t bad hauling everything back in the rolly cart, but I definitely had to take a rest when I got back. Everyone was masked and distancing, so it was less stressful than it might have otherwise been.

I mean, when I lived in NYC, I used the rolly cart all the time to go to the store (even though ALL the grocery stores offered delivery). I had the rolly cart with me in San Francisco, back in the 80s, when I used to have to walk to and from the various stores. I just can’t buy as much as I can when I have the car, and with the pandemic numbers going up, the safety mechanisms being rolled back because all the government cares about is corporate profits, I’m not thrilled with the idea of shopping more often. But needs must, and hopefully, I can get the car fixed in the next few weeks. Once that’s done, I’ll do a couple of major grocery shops to restock long-term supplies,

And the walk is good for me.

Used the ham bone from the Christmas ham, along with kale and navy beans and sundried tomatoes, to make soup. It turned out well. Not a lot of leftovers. Maybe enough for two more meals. But that’s fine. When that’s used up, I’ll make the Moosewood Recipe for Black Bean soup I’ve been wanting to try. I have all the ingredients.

However, I do have leftover kale. Since I am not a big kale fan (although I’m trying to use it more often, because it’s so healthy), I have to figure out what to do with the rest of it. The Berkshires is obsessed with kale, so I’m sure I’ll find a recipe quickly.

Puttered around rather than doing my work, but hey, this was supposed to be my vacation week, and that is what my brain and body want.

I could feel the tensions influenced by the bone crusher square, and, being aware of that, made me aware of CHOOSING to be less reactive to tensions and frustrations. More of a sense of “Okay, this is bugging me, but it’s not that big a deal and not worth an argument, so why don’t I make that choice instead? It avoids a fight, but I’m also not rolling over.” Knowing the tensions in the square make poor choices/rash reactions likely, I can take a breath and choose not to react that way. That’s what meant about using astrology as a tool, rather than an excuse. I could have behaved like a jerk and just used the bone crusher square as an excuse. Instead, I was aware of the way it negatively influences, and made choices that were better in the larger context instead.

You know, the whole acting-like-a-grownup thing. Only understanding why certain tensions and pressures are stronger on a particular day.

Got my script coverage done and read another script, which I will write up today. I need to read/write up two scripts today/tomorrow and one more tomorrow in order to finish and take New Year’s weekend off. I planned only the remaining two, but I was requested for a coverage. That’s always an honor, so of course I said yes. In the information notes, the writer said my notes on two previous scripts had given this writer “a lot of strength to keep writing” which is one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me.  I sometimes wonder if I care too much about each script, but notes like this make it worthwhile, because it means my suggestions are genuinely helpful to the writer. And that’s the point of this – helping them with their craft, so they can share wonderful stories with the world.

I heard, last night, that City Ballet in NYC cancelled the rest of the NUTCRACKER run, due to COVID. They usually end on New Year’s Eve anyway, so it’s not that much earlier, but still disturbing, especially since one of my best friends works there. I contacted him; his last test on Tuesday was negative, so fingers crossed he hasn’t caught a breakthrough case.

Will finish “Dawn and Dorothy” today, and, hopefully, send it off tomorrow. It’s snowing again right now, so I will put off going to get the car inspected until it clears up later this morning. I’m grateful to have the flexibility.

Angry at the CDC for rolling back isolation time because corporations want to force people back to work. Yes, the science grows and changes as more is learned about how the variants mutate. But CEOs should not be dictating this. If anything, people need MORE time off, not less, and it must be paid. All of this talk about how Biden’s economy is booming – too many people are being sacrificed for it. It’s disgusting.

It was very discouraging to see so many people who should know better post photos of their irresponsible holiday behavior. No wonder we can’t get this under control.

Someone on Twitter talked about instead of party spaces, having library spaces where one can read all day in comfy chairs, and waiters pass canapes. A Reading Resort! Sounds wonderful to me.

Back to the page. I won’t get anything done on the Big Project today, but maybe tomorrow or Friday, I can get back to it. I’m behind where I want to be, but the foundational work I’ve done is vital to being able to write it smoothly when I go back to it.

Have a good one, people. Mask up, distance, stay safe.

Tues. Dec. 14, 2021: A Twisty Weekend

image courtesy of WaldNob via pixabay.com

Tuesday, December 14, 2021

Waxing Moon

Chiron and Uranus Retrograde

Sunny and mild

Well, let’s just say, it’s been quite the few days.

Friday, I decided to do a hail Mary pass on the car and see if putting in a new battery solved the issues with the EPC light coming on, which my research indicated was sometimes the case. I joined AAA at the tier which promises roadside battery replacement back in November. Not that they’ve sent me my membership card. I’m still carrying around a printout of the email.

So I jump through all the ridiculous hoops on the AAA website to get the quote, to approve the quote, to get them to email me the quote, and to put through the request.

The guy shows up in 20 minutes.

To jumpstart the car.

“They no longer do” battery replacement in the Berkshires.

Then WHY DID I HAVE TO DO ALL THAT FUCKING PAPERWORK?  And why was not told this when I specifically chose the AAA tier that included the promise of this service?

The way companies based outside the Berkshires take money from us without providing the services for which we pay around here is appalling.

The guy didn’t even need to give me a jump. The car started.

I took it down the street to the mechanic I trust. Turns out my battery is fine. They ran a diagnostic. Didn’t find anything wrong with it. So the dealer in Pittsfield strung me along for weeks, and I’ve been without a car for WEEKS for no damn reason.

In case the light goes on again, I now have the information of a local guy who specializes in foreign cars.

Because I’m not taking it to the dealer in Pittsfield unless there’s no other choice.

Came home exhausted.

But got back to work in the afternoon, with script coverages, catching up on emails, getting out some LOIs, and the like.

Sendinblue has flagged my entire mailing list for the newsletter. They said there were too many bounces, and it had 0% opening rate. You know when they flagged it? THREE MINUTES after it was sent. I don’t know about you, but it’s often a week or more before I open and read newsletters. According to the dashboard, no one opened the newsletter. Yet I was hearing on social media and via email from a good portion of the list how glad they were the newsletter was up and running again. Also, what my dashboard shows as bounces (which I can either delete or research for updated emails) and what they’re telling me bounced don’t match. At all.

And they won’t let me just fix the bounces. They 86’d the entire list. Including the people who signed up via their contact form on my website.

It’s ridiculous.

I’ve worked with several email platforms over the years, both for myself and for clients. None of them have ever pulled this crap. Sendinblue’s response is they “can’t” only flag the bounced emails. If a certain number (and their number is higher than what shows up on my dashboard) bounce, the whole list is gone.

So I signed up for MailerLite (after several conversation with them), exported the whole list, ditched the Sendinblue contact form on my website and put in the MailerLite, and it looks like we’re good to go. I’m not sure if I should re-send the newsletter – Sendinblue claimed they only allowed it to go to a “sample” before 86-ing the entire list, but they won’t tell me to which addresses. I might do a “Take 2” with new information on the top, and tell people where they can stop reading if they already got the list.

Let’s hope MailerLite actually does what they claim to do.

So that puts MooSend and Sendinblue on my “no way do I want anything to do with them ever again.”

I mean, I do a quarterly newsletter. It’s not like it’s a big strain on any platform. Which was another problem with Sendinblue – quarterly wasn’t going to be enough for them. The list would have been flagged for inactivity after a month– and needed to be deleted and re-entered yet again.

No, thanks.

The company is not willing or able to meet my needs, so I will find someone else who can.

Saturday was a rainy, yucky day. Cold and raw. The storm let up for about a half hour, and I did a run over to Big Y and did a big grocery shop, including what I need for the baking, except for the candied peel, which I’m still struggling to find.

Got everything home and unpacked. Read a bit in the afternoon. Worked on script coverages.

Totally enjoyed PAYBACK’S A WITCH by Lara Harper. Very well done.

A little squirrel came up on the back porch, climbed up onto the bench and knocked on the window. He wanted our apples. No, I didn’t feed the squirrel. I don’t want it to go out on the Squirrel Collective Mind that I feel squirrels, or we’ll be overrun.

Sunday was mild and sunny. Got some script coverage done in the morning. We headed out with the last of the cards, dropped off some library books. The dashboard lights came on again in the car, and it gave a bit of a hiccough. I was worried it would stall out, but it smoothed out again. We went to Colonial Alpaca in Williamstown, so my mom could buy a gift for her friend. Then, it was off to Wild Oats to stock up.

They had a small Dresden stollen, so if I can’t get my hands on candied peel and make my own, at least we can have a little stollen. They also had the Nuremberg Gingerbread that I absolutely love. And it was fresh, not stale and left over from years before.

Got home, and we put up the big tree in the doorway between the living room and the sewing room. It looks like a normal-sized tree in this house. It always dominated the Cape house. But it’s just. . .nice here. The stand, as always, was a pain in the ass to put together. I have to see if I can find a stand that works for artificial trees that isn’t so awful.

But it’s much sturdier here than it was on the floor back on Cape, and I might not even need to tie off.

We only got the tree up and the lights on, and lights up on the mantel and the front windows. That was as much as we could get done.

Besides, it gives the cats a chance to get used to the tree. We’re lucky; they’ve always been good with it. I mean, they check it out and they sit under it, but they haven’t been destructive, at least not yet. We let them hang out and “help” when we unpack the decorations, and their special Yuletide toys come out and go under the tree, and we have stuffed ornaments for the bottom branches, so it all works out.

Read two scripts, and most of the next book for review.

Tessa actually let me sleep on Monday morning, until after 6. Progress.

Reshuffled my morning yoga sequence. It didn’t work in the way I expanded it, so I put some of the new sequence at the front of the session, and it works better than sticking them on the end.

I had an excellent morning meditation session. Did not want to get up. Could have sat much longer, instead of 30 minutes.

Got blogs up for the Intent for the Week, for the GDR blog, and for tomorrow’s Ink-Dipped Advice.

Found over 800 emails in my inbox, which is not the way I wanted to start my Monday. I got a couple of “we invite you to apply” emails from companies I’ve never heard of. I will have to see what that’s about. How about, if you like my website so much, we have a conversation about what you’re looking for, and whether we’re a good fit? Instead of “invite to apply.” Which, sent out on a Saturday night, sends off warning bells.

Found a couple of things that should have gone into a friend’s holiday package where Willa “helped” pack it – and she swiped those two things and put them in her stash. I retrieved them, wrapped them, and packed them. My mom packed the gift for her friend. I headed down to the post office (on foot) to send them off. Huge line, but moved fast. Told the clerk how grateful I was that the packages mailed last Thursday were already arriving. She was delighted.

Whenever there’s a line, everyone starts chatting with everyone. Like I said, the post office is the happening place around here. Where you go to find out what’s going on. In Lee, it’s Joe’s Diner. Here, it’s the post office.

Home, and back to work. Wrote up some blog posts. Worked on the tracking sheets for The Big Project. Wrote up two script coverages. Started doing some planning and scheduling for blog posts on various blogs for the new year. I need to start batch blogging for some of the blogs (not this one or Gratitude and Growth, which are dependent on the moment) and work ahead.

In the afternoon, I baked 10 dozen chocolate chip cookies for the holiday baking. Much easier and less stressful in this kitchen than it was on Cape, for some reason. Also, because I’m not doing all-day baking marathons, I think that eases up some of the stress, too. And my feet don’t hurt as much working in this kitchen.

I did use up most of the tins I brought up. I thought I’d brought up another box of them, but maybe not.

On the list for spring’s storage run: More tins for the cookies.

I miss my special china and the snowflake cups/plates/pot I got last year. Oh, well, I’ll get it on one of the summer or fall trips to storage, and we’ll have it for next year.

Read the script for which I’d been requested; it was veery good. It will be a pleasure to write it up. Finished reading the book for review. Will write the review, send it and the invoice off today. Ordered a couple of things off Etsy, from an artisan whose work I like, for something I’m working on for the new year.

Started reading Trisha Ashley’s ONE MORE CHRISTMAS AT THE CASTLE, which Deborah Blake recommended. Thoroughly enjoying it. I wonder if this is the book that will convince my mom to read some of the books she likes on Kindle? She’d love this. I stayed up way too late reading.

Tessa let me sleep until 6:39 this morning. Fed everyone, and curled back up on the couch with the book, instead of doing what I should be doing.

Got through a little over 500 emails. I have to hope the car holds up to do an errand, and then get back to work on the review and the script coverage. Or maybe I’ll do the review/invoice first, and then attempt my errand.

I need to write up a long, complicated report on the script I read last night. On this afternoon’s agenda are the orange-cranberry cookies and the oatmeal lace currant cookies. Then, it’s two more scripts to read.

Those emails “inviting me to apply” that I received over the weekend? Bogus. Had nothing to do with anyone actually paying any attention to what I do or my skills. It was a series of automated emails from several different “recruiters” who are just looking to bump their numbers, not actually looking at actual talent to fill roles. Waste of my time to even open the emails.

Off to attempt productivity, when all I want to do is read that book!

At least my work for copyediting clients is done for the year. It’s only script coverage and the last two plays on deadline, both of which I’m writing in my head a good deal before I try to put anything on the page. The Marie Collier play is only a ten-minute play, so once I sort out some more possibilities in my head, I can just sit down and write it. I’m still working on some Dawn-and-Dorothy arcs, and I need to go back into the research materials a bit. Because the latter is so specifically stylized, it’s harder to pull off.

Have a good one.

Tues. Feb. 9, 2021: Die For Your Employer Day 265/MA Vaccine Distribution Fail Day 13 — Ice Boulders

image courtesy of Jill Wellington via pixabay.com

Tuesday, February 9, 2021

Waning Moon

Mercury Retrograde

Snowy and cold

Busy few days.

Friday morning, got some writing done on GAMBIT COLONY. Then did a grocery run to Trader Joe’s and a curbside pickup at the library.

Home, decontaminated.

Sent off my review and invoice. Got paid. Got out a few LOIs. Got out a couple of pitches to an editor.

Caught up on box purging, so I was where I hoped to be by the end of the day.

Spent way too many hours trying to get my mom a vaccine appointment. Every other area of the state has appointments to spare. Here, we have nothing. On top of that, there was a secret “pop-up” clinic here on cape, but you had to know someone to get an appointment. How is that equitable? It’s not.

 I’m tired of Baker smirking and lying. He says Walgreens is giving vaccines. Multiple Walgreens locations are up on the state and county websites as vaccine locations. Only “no appointment available.” You know way? Walgreens ISN’T GIVING VACCINES IN THE STATE OF MASSACHUSETTS. So why are they on the state and county website?

Baker says CVS is giving out vaccines. Multiple CVS locations are on the state and county websites. Only “no appointment available.” You know why? There are only THREE CVS locations giving vaccines in the entire state and NONE of them are on Cape Cod. So why are Cape Cod locations on the state and county website?

On the location list is the Hyannis Stop & Shop. Not only has the website been down for nearly two weeks, now that it’s sort of up, it states that no vaccines are being given at that location. So why is it listed as a location on state and county websites?

The delays are not the issue. The lying and misinformation are.

And if there are so many open appointments in other locations in the state, why aren’t those doses being sent here instead, where there are NO appointments, and a huge population of seniors?

FFS, I could do better using Google Docs to set this up than the state has.

Saturday, up early and did a dump run. Still couldn’t fit all the recycling into the car, but I crammed in as much as I could. Swung by the other grocery store to get a few things before the incoming storm.

Got some work done on GAMBIT COLONY.

Did my quota of box purging.

Found some old love letters. Re-reading them, wow, I’m glad I’m not with any of those guys. One, who I though was so wonderful at the time – reading the letters back, he was extremely manipulative and emotionally abusive. He died a couple of years ago, and I was sad at the loss and remembered the good times. These letters give me a more complete picture of reality. Another, wrote beautiful letters. I’d always thought of him as “the one that got away.” But when I reconnected with him a few years ago, he’s gone all evangelical religious, and we have nothing in common anymore.

I made the right decisions not to be with them. Which is good to know.

Found some more really cool stuff. Threw out a ton of stuff. I’ll be doing another dump run next week.

Read AUNTY LEE’S DELIGHTS, by an author from Singapore named Ovidia Yu. I loved it, and ordered more of her books. She’s also a playwright, and has also been to Edinburgh with her plays, so I’m even more eager to read her work.

Found a bunch of my old articles that aren’t digitized. I will scan them and put them into my clip files and portfolios.

The Goddess Provisions box finally arrived, after sitting in the postal facility in Arizona for over a week. It was worth the wait.

The coffee shipment, that was supposed to be here on Wednesday, made it as far as Westboro, and then went back to CT for some reason. By the time it arrives, it will be stale.

The Wolferman’s order arrived. I had a problem when I ordered it with the promo code. The customer service rep promised to put it through and adjust it. Instead, they CHANGED THE ORDER to something cheaper and sent me what I didn’t order. Not only that, it’s something I WOULDN’T’ have ordered, because it wasn’t what I wanted. I have to find my original paperwork and squawk. It also makes me less likely to order from them in the future, because who the hell knows what will show up?

In other words, Mercury is very retrograde.

Heard back from 365 Women – I’m going to write a Kate Warne play for them this year, AND they’ve accepted the proposal for DAWN AND DOROTHY IN THE AFTERLIFE (I wasn’t sure it would be their thing) AND a play on Marie Collier. So I’ll be busy.

The head of the group just got my email about a quote for the articles – that were published over the past two weeks. She told me I should contact her via Facebook Messenger. I don’t use FB Messenger because of the hacking issues, so. . .it’s an issue. Besides, the articles are up. I’ll be sending her PDFS of the clips – at the email address I have.

The incoming storm on Sunday gave me a huge headache.

But I did write the opening of DAWN AND DOROTHY IN THE AFTERLIFE. It’s kind of weird, but I like it.

Also worked on a grant proposal that has to go out in two weeks. Hate everything I wrote for it. I have to create three 250-word pitches within the proposal. I think I need to write my kind of treatment or Writer’s Rough for each project, and then distill it down. Starting at the blurb doesn’t work. It’s reading flat. So that’s on the agenda for this week: Three treatments.

Got in my quota of boxes on Sunday, too.

The snow started around noon and was so pretty! Lovely, big flakes. We had a fire in the fireplace. The power flickered, and went off once for a couple of minutes, but held pretty well otherwise.

Sunday night into Monday was rough. I woke up every hour or so with intense pain in my knees. I know I’ve been working them hard, carrying boxes up and down from the basement, but this was intense.

Then, I find out, overnight Sunday, the plow guy packed ice boulders into the bottom of my driveway and they froze there. It took me FIVE HOURS to shovel the driveway, get the ice boulders cut down, and the front walk. There was an ice crust, so I had to take the hoe and crack a section, shovel, crack a section, shovel. After twenty or thirty minutes, I had to stop and rest. I’m not twenty anymore, and I spent the past year sick. I can’t, physically, do this anymore.

For the ice boulders, I had to take the hoe and hack at them until I broke them into pieces I could lift and toss.

It was not fun.

My neighbor across the street watched me struggle for five hours (he’s about thirty years younger than I am). As soon as I went inside, he got a bulldozer out of his garage and cleared his own driveway in about five minutes. Really? He could have said, “I see you’re having a hard time; I have heavy equipment and can clear it out for you for fifty bucks.”

It’s not a surprise, though. This is a guy that hasn’t worn a mask once during the entire pandemic.

It’s a far cry from when we first moved here, and all dug each other out. Or the year where we had a series of snowstorms and the town couldn’t be bothered to plow us out, so after nearly a week, we all got our shovels and dug out the street ourselves.

Anyway, after five hours of this, I was wiped out. Funnily enough, my knees were fine, but the left leg and hip that’s been bothering me for the last few weeks were in bad shape, along with my arms.

I spent the afternoon reading contest entries instead of purging the basement.

I managed to get some client work out in between shoveling sessions, so at least it wasn’t a total loss.

Still no vaccine appointments on Cape Cod. Other areas have open appointments and are worried about expiring doses. Why aren’t they being re-routed to the Cape? I’m on EVERY list to learn about when appointments open, and. . .total silence from all of them. Why is the county listing sites as locations that don’t have appointments or doses? The only sites that should be listed are those actually offering appointments. New ones should be added as they go live. That’s basic organization.

But the state and county information remain incorrect. Nobody is fixing anything, or getting anything better organized. Governor Baker is pulled a Jared Kushner on us, and just continues to let us die. He doesn’t give a damn – he hasn’t, or he wouldn’t have reopened back in May, and kept us open when our daily virus numbers were double and triple what they were when we were shut down last spring. I’m sick of it, and I’m at the end of my rope.

My editor at SCRIPTMAG assigned me two more articles. So I’ll get the interview requests out today and get going on research.

I’ll send off my “personal update” for the class reunion later, do some client work, get out some LOIs. Work on the first treatment. I already got a little bit of work done on GAMBIT COLONY this morning, to settle me.

I might sneak in another curbside library pickup this morning, fi the next storm hasn’t started by the time the library opens. Because yes, we’re getting another storm today.

More shoveling.

And, this afternoon, I have to scrub a section of the basement floor, let it dry, and then place some boards down so I can restack the newly packed boxes. That way, once we know where we’re moving, it’s just a case of loading boxes.

It feels good to let go of a lot of this stuff, and the stuff that’s kept is being integrated into the household, even though it will have to be packed again soon.

I’m just so, so tired on so many levels. I’m burned out to a frightening extent. I know there won’t be any rest for me until after the move, but once we’ve moved, I HAVE to take some time off. I just hope I can keep going until then.