Saturday, May 14, 2011

Saturday, May 14, 2011
Waxing Moon
Saturn Retrograde
Pluto Retrograde
Sunny and pleasant

I was on the road by about 7:30 yesterday morning. It was a pretty decent drive down. Providence was a pain, but it usually is. For the most part, though, it was painless — although as I hit the bridge, I got hit with a migraine, and I hate driving with a migraine.

Stopped in Stamford at the Border’s to get a book I need that I haven’t been able to find at the seven other bookstores I’ve visited in the last month. That Borders will close on Sunday — even though it wasn’t on the original list. So that means there are NO Borders anywhere in my regular routes anymore, and they’ve NEVER gotten an internet order right in six years, so I don’t even bother. I’m sorry, I’m not driving several hundred miles out of my way to find one of their stores. The price of gas negates any discounts they might offer. There are plenty of independent stores near me that actually carry what I want, most of the time (except for this damn book). You know what? They deserve to go out of business. Their utter contempt for their customers is appalling.

Anyway, most titles were 75-80% off, and I wound up getting 11 books for $21. Not the book I needed, but oh, well. I had to order that on Amazon for two day delivery, because I have to have it next week. Now, this book is a best-seller. It should be on all the shelves.

The work at the site threw a monkey wrench in what I hoped to get done in the afternoon, but that’s the way it goes sometimes. When I finally got online in the evening, I got an email from my editor at Confidential Job #1 that he’s leaving and this was his last day! I was stunned. He got a better job, and I’m happy for him, but still . . .When I first started with this company, I worked with two editors. When the company downsized (and cut our rates), they fired the primary editor I worked with, and this one took over everything. I agreed, at the time, at his pleading, not to leave while he was still working there. In the interim, the company was sold. Now, he’s leaving. And there’s no replacement. The paperwork goes to one person; the invoices to another. So who assigns? Or will we not get new assignments until this is settled? But at least I don’t have to feel guilty if I decide to leave. I can’t help feeling slightly abandoned, although that’s not a logical response. But whoever said emotions were logical?

Saturn Retrograde is challenging me to rethink some of my long-term clients. In freelancing, the top earners warn the rest of us that your client bases changes pretty drastically about every six months. I tend to stick with clients for years — sometimes out of misplaced loyalty. I’m already feeling a lot of frustration with a portion of my clients — not because they’re doing anything unprofessional or skeezy, but because my focus, needs, and vision for my career are changing. I’m building a new life in a new location. I can’t pop down for a 500-mile (or, in some cases, more) roundtrip whenever it’s convenient for them for a couple of days– I have jobs and responsibilities in my new location. It’s not just about money, but about the logistics of the travel and the time lost during travel that really needs to be spent on other things. Also, now that I live in a place I love, some of the jobs I originally took on as “escapes” feel more like burdens. I have to really be firm about the parameters, so I’m not taking on something that doesn’t work for me, and then resenting it because I didn’t ask for the right things. In two of the new jobs which are in proposal/negotiation status, yes, the money is considerably higher, and yes, there is travel involved – one would have me roaming around MA, and the other would have me in Boston sometimes and DC at other times. They would both be challenging (I’m trying to land them both), and both push me in new directions more in alignment with the vision of where I want to go in the next few years. I’m at a crossroads, and I have to figure out how to gracefully, professionally, and kindly work towards my goals without leaving anyone in the lurch. Although, as a good friend reminds me, “You’re not HR. It’s not your job to find a replacement — it’s theirs.”

Crap. And here I thought I could ride out this Saturn Retrograde because I’d left NY! 😉

The thought of all the work that needs to get done this weekend just depresses me, but there it is. I have a lot of figuring out to do — in some ways, I’m in the same boat as several of my friends going through job changes. And I really want to make positive choices, or the next time Saturn goes retrograde, I will get my ass kicked (as a friend of mine does regularly, because she refuses to make changes, staying with the devil she knows, and then wondering why everything keeps getting worse).

Deep breath. Keep moving forward. And keep figuring it out. All we can do, right?

Devon