Fri. Sept. 16, 2022: Creativity and Connection

image courtesy of GLady via pixabay.com

Friday, September 16, 2022

Waning Moon

Pluto, Saturn, Neptune, Chiron, Jupiter, Uranus, Mercury Retrograde

Cloudy and cool

I think we’re going to have to bring in some of the plants. And I had to close (or at least lower) some of the windows).

Meditation group was good yesterday (but then, it always is).

After breakfast, I wrote up the two book reviews, sent them off, invoiced, and was paid within 10 minutes. That’s the way I like it! Also got the next two assignments for review.

Ran errands: picked up books at the library, picked up my mother’s prescription, mailed a bunch of stuff at the post office (including my quarterly taxes – ouch), deposited a couple of checks into the bank. Everyone was in a good mood, because it was sunny and cooler than it’s been, so running errands was a pleasure.

Turned around two scripts in the afternoon.

Was invited to the virtual launch party for the improved Creative Ground site (to which I’d created my profile yesterday). There was a lot of good information. I have to find some photos of my work to upload. My profile rates pretty high, but needs a couple more points for it to be “featured.” Hopefully, being up on the site will help with connections and opportunities.

It’s definitely worth more than my LinkedIn profile, already!

I’m already searching through actor profiles, in preparation for a project I plan to pitch locally.

It was exciting to start my weekend a little early. I cleared the decks for today through the weekend because I’m getting my bivalent booster this morning. My mom had no side effects, except her arm was a little sore for about a half an hour yesterday morning. She’s worried she got a placebo! But if she had no effects (and she usually has few effects), maybe I won’t be down for the count for a week.

I mean, I can’t, I have to be at the law library Tuesday morning!

We’re playing with book titles for the retro mystery. Between the Women Write Change group and my friends who visited last weekend (who tromped around the location with me), we’ve come up with enough for the whole series!

An intriguing opportunity landed on my desk for next spring. Hmm. I have to think about it. Out of my wheelhouse, a stretch for me, but intrigues me. So I’ll play with some ideas to see if it’s viable.

I’m going to try to get some work done this morning before we head over for the shot. We’re going early again, because I bet they claim they “didn’t get’ the fuckton of paperwork I filled out when I made the appointment, and I have to fill it out again.

I’ve blocked off the weekend, so if I feel bad, I will stay in bed and ride it out. Or stay on the couch and read, if I feel up to it. If I feel better than I expect, I can do things like go to the library book sale, turn my closet over for winter, and write.

Because I’m behind where I want to be on the next two arcs of LEGERDEMAIN, and have to get that going. Plus noodle on the short stories, and decide which one to write. I’m almost ready to start putting one of them on paper.

I also want to start re-reading Anne Truitt’s diaries. If you don’t know her work, it’s pretty interesting (I saw a retrospective at the Smithsonian a few years ago). If you’ve never read her diaries, they are absolutely fascinating, especially if you are interested in process.

Have a good weekend, friends, and I’ll catch you on the other side.

Thurs. Sept 1, 2022: A New Month

image courtesy of tigerlily713 via pixabay.com

Thursday, September 1, 2022

Pluto, Saturn, Neptune, Chiron, Jupiter, Uranus Retrograde

Sunny and pleasant

I’m so delighted the humidity broke. Hop on over to Gratitude and Growth for the latest on the garden.

We headed out for errands in the morning. Fabric store first. I want to make a book-themed quilt for winter. I’d seen the fabric online, but, of course, they didn’t have it in the store. One of the women who worked there said she had some at home, and offered to sell it to me; she said she would email me with the details. But I didn’t hear from her, so I assume she didn’t find it, or she changed her mind. Which is fine. I’ll keep looking. I want it to be the leather-bound, fancy covers, not something cutesy.

I did find, however, a lovely fleece with constellations on purple, that will make a lovely winter throw. So I bought that instead.

Dropped off the ink cartridge at Staples – not that it will matter. I planned to walk out of there immediately, but notebooks were on sale. I don’t need more notebooks. I have an entire shelf of blank notebooks. But I bought 16 notebooks. Because I hoard notebooks.

Since we were down there anyway, we went over to Restore, just to check, but there was nothing we wanted or needed.

Then, we stopped at Target on the way home, because the mop I bought during the clearing out chaos on the Cape last summer, when the old mop died is just awful. We bought a fancy new cotton-headed wringing mop that looks like it will be wonderful.

I managed to get out of Target only buying what I went in to get.

The water was back on by the time we got home. I turned around four scripts after lunch, getting them in before the payment deadline. I still haven’t earned as much as I hoped this pay period, and I have bills looming over me, so let’s hope I do better next pay period (which starts today), and some of the LOIs I’ve sent out bear fruit. I also have to finish my postcard to do my autumn mailing to prospects.

I got my next two book assignments to review, so I’ll download one today, and the other one they’re mailing to me.

The mail carrier put the Goddess Provisions box in the mail slot AGAIN instead of at the door. So, obviously, telling the postmaster about it meant nothing, and I have to go to his boss. Because at this point, eight months in? It’s not the carrier being thoughtless. It’s the carrier deliberately being a jerk. I took a photograph and will include in my next letter to the postmaster, which will be cc’d to the postmaster’s boss.

This morning, I will swing by City Hall and drop off my mail-in ballot. I need to do a bunch of admin and write some cards. I don’t think I’ve mentioned, on the blog, that over last weekend, I learned that Bobby LuPone died. I was part of MCC for several years early in my theatre career, first as a stage manager, and later as an assistant production manager, before I was hired by The Vineyard, Manhattan Theatre Company, and the Public, and then made the leap to Broadway. I worked on a lot of productions with MCC in those early years on 42nd Street, including one act festivals. That was a huge part of my early career. Bobby was a force of nature. It’s a huge loss for the theatrical community.

I have two scripts to read today and one tomorrow. I’m taking the holiday weekend to rest and recharge. And probably work on LEGERDEMAIN, unless I got a lot of work done on it today.

Episode 12 drops today – I hope you’re following it and enjoy it.

Have a good one, friends.

Tues. Jan. 18, 2022: Planets, Cards, Pages

collage by Devon Ellington via pixabay and Canva

Tuesday, January 18, 2022

Last Day of the Full Moon

Venus and Mercury Retrograde

Uranus DIRECT

Sunny and cold

Uranus goes direct today. Uranus is “the Awakener” energy, so when it’s retrograde, things that need to be shaken up in your life are stymied. It also is about what makes you unique. While having it direct helps you get out of your own way, shaking things up in the already chaotic Venus/Mercury retrogrades isn’t fun. The full moon was in Cancer last night, which meant emotions were heightened.

Friday morning, the two scout crows from my local murder were in the tree outside my office window, telling me the news. They’re very chatty. The squirrels were running around, too, preparing for the storms. They are constantly knocking down the bird feeder, and I keep moving it and trying to figure out where I can put it where it won’t be taken down and dragged all over the balcony, but so far, no luck.

I got some work done early in the morning. Later in the morning, I layered up and did the pre-storm errands: dropped off/picked up library books; mailed bills and cards, and bought stamps; picked up a couple of bottles of wine at the liquor store. We may live in a city, but it often feels like a small town, because people like to chat (masked and at a safe distance).  I always know that if I head out for errands, I’m going to have to talk to people. Which is fine, because they are interesting and nice, and, let’s face it, everyone’s felt so cut off and isolated going onto three years now, they just want to know there’s another human being out there who’s not a complete and utter jerk.

But errands aren’t something I can do if I’m in a rush. I build time to chat into all the errands time. And, even though I’m an introvert instead of an extrovert, I don’t mind. Like I said, the people are nice, and they’re interesting.

I was looking at the artwork on various tarot decks. I don’t need any more decks, goodness knows, but I still love them. Three decks in particular have my attention right now: Ask the Witch Tarot, Tarot de la Nuit, and the Gilded Tarot.

I was scrolling through social media and saw a book cover – that was almost exactly like one of the tarot cards in the Tarot de la Nuit deck, although the blurb had nothing to do with tarot. I pulled up the image of the deck and put it next to the social media post. The only difference was the way the man’s hand wrapped around the sword. Other than that, the cover artist had used the tarot image. Now, maybe the artist had permission. Or bought the image. I don’t know. But I still found that disturbing. The tarot artist’s style on the deck is very distinctive. It’s not like the typical stock Rider Waite image that’s widely available. The tarot image I used for the collage at the top of this post is a typical Rider Waite free image.

Spent some time on the acupressure mat in the afternoon. Wrote up two script coverages and answered some questions on another one. I’m below my nut for this pay period, but that’s the way it is. I’ve just been too exhausted to take on more.

Worked my way through some more contest entries.

Was up until nearly midnight, and then had trouble getting to sleep. Tessa would rather I stay up and play with her, but at least I slept in until after 7 on Saturday.

Mercury has gone retrograde in Aquarius. In my birth chart, Mercury sits in Aquarius. Aquarius is about independent thought, and Mercury is about quick thinking. So when it’s retrograde in the place it sits in my birth chart, no wonder my brain is mushier than usual. Layer pandemic brain over that, and it is not a good thing.

Saturday was sunny, bright, and cold.  I polished the short story and got it out by deadline. I’ll hear by May if it’s what they’re looking for or not. I wrote two book reviews and sent them off. I worked on contest entries.

I made colcannon for dinner, adding leeks, Canadian bacon, and shredded cheese to the traditional cabbage and potatoes. It was wonderful.

Weird dreams lately, set in a city I don’t recognize as knowing in real life, but it’s where I live and work in the dreams. They are busy dreams, not stress dreams, so by the time I wake up, I feel like I’ve put in a full day.

Tessa got me up before 6 on Sunday. I made muffins with cranberries and chocolate chips, refining a recipe on which I’ve been working, and they turned out well. Which is good, because some days I feel like I’ve forgotten to how cook or bake properly.

Worked on contest entries. It was sunny and cold. I’d prepped as much as I could for the incoming storm, so I just rested and worked on the entries. I did take out the garbage, so we wouldn’t be stuck with garbage in the house during bad weather, but that’s as ambitious as I got, as far as going out and about. Read a script.

Charlotte woke me up before 4 AM on Monday. I think the storm upset her. Tessa was in the doorway with her, “You’re up? Do I need to start vocal exercises?”

I got up and fed them, then grabbed the featherbed and moved to the couch, where I fell asleep again. It had snowed quite a bit by then. I woke up a little after 7, and the snow was serious.

Still, people were out with shovels and plows, getting things done. Men shoulder their portion of the work better here than they did on Cape. The Cape was full of white men who would moan that they “couldn’t” shovel or carry groceries or do anything because they had a “bad back” and then immediately go play golf all day.

The past few weeks, I’ve landed in the same place in my dreams, as I mentioned above. I don’t remember much about the dreams, but I do know they take place in the same location. It’s a small city, that I don’t recognize when I’m awake, but is my home city in the dreams, and I’m comfortable. Lots of brick buildings, three and four stories. Coffee shops, restaurants, bookshops, small theatres, museums, a library, etc. No virus, as far as I can tell. The me inhabiting that dream space is a younger me (thirties?), and I’m happy there, with friends and work I like, although I don’t know what my work there is (I suspect it’s similar to what I do here, or I wouldn’t be happy). So far, I only recognize one person in that circle of people from my circle of people on this side of the dream scape, and that’s someone I knew when I first started working on Broadway, and who has since died. The dreams are pleasant, although they are busy, so I always feel as though I’ve put in a full day by the time I wake up. I’d like to try entering the space in lucid dreaming, so I have a better idea of where it is and why I keep visiting.

Eggs Benedict for Monday’s breakfast, because why not on a cold, snowy day?

I’m thinking of investing in Scrivener, after all these years. As long as I can save into .doc, .rtf, PDF, and create script templates, I should be fine. I’m unhappy with Word. I have a 50% off coupon from Nano, so I might as well use it. Not until Mercury goes direct, though, because that’s just asking for trouble.

Spent Monday morning working on The Big Project, and got two sections done.  I need to catch up on the tracking sheets for this piece (I’m now four sections behind) or I will be in trouble moving forward. In the afternoon, I worked on writing up the script coverage for the script I read the night before, and then, in the evening, I read two scripts for which I will write up coverage today.

A Twitter pal and I talked about a tarot reading she did, and the deck she used was so pretty that I ended up ordering it (Mystic Mondays Tarot, in case you’re wondering). I don’t need another tarot deck, goodness knows, but this one called to me.

It might be time to sit down and write my tarot book. I’ve been working with the cards for nearly forty years now.

Had good yoga and meditation sessions this morning. When I make the time to sit for a decent stretch, it starts the day in a more focused, grounded way.

I’m debating whether or not to head over to the college library later this morning. There aren’t a lot of students around, so it seems like a good time to poke around and find the materials I need to develop two different, but art-related projects.

I will do some more work on The Big Project this morning. I have contest scores to enter, script coverages to write up, and a couple of client blog posts to write. I might try to get some LOIs out, too, and I have two more scripts to read.

A friend has a new call for submissions out that got me thinking, although she works in a genre that would be a stretch for me, especially as I don’t read much in it. But I like the premise of the anthology call, and it’s only a 1K piece, so it’s worth thinking about. The deadline is the end of the month, which is do-able, if I find the right story and characters.

Had an idea for another piece in the same general family as The Big Project, only it wouldn’t be as big (The Medium Project as a working title?). The central protagonist and the premise came to me when I was writing in my journal this morning. At first, I thought it could be a spin-off to The Big Project, but it insists that it inhabits its own world, and I need to trust the work.

The power held, and I’m glad the storm wasn’t as severe as predicted. We’re supposed to get another one this coming weekend, so I have to figure out when to go out and about to take care of whatever needs out-and-about-ing, and then hunker back down next weekend.

Which suits me just fine.

Wed. Dec. 15, 2021: A Quiet Day

image by DGlodawksa via pixabay.com

Wednesday, December 15, 2021

Waxing Moon

Chiron and Uranus Retrograde

Sunny and mild

Short post today (is that a sigh of relief I hear? 😊)

Yesterday was about getting the review out, invoicing (and I was immediately paid, and even got a year-end bonus, which was lovely). My next two books for review are being sent out.

Slogged through over 500 emails, after which I rewarded myself with a couple of chocolate chip cookies. But at least I’m almost caught up. I hate starting the New Year with a backlog of emails. And having 800 emails stack up over a weekend is a lot. Most of them were quickly dealt with; a few needed more attention and got it. I’m careful to keep up with email on regular business days, so it’s not like anything was falling by the wayside.

It was a lovely day, so I ran some errands on foot: mailed a bill, took some checks to the bank, walked up a delightful street I hadn’t yet explored on my way to the library. Yesterday was big leaf clean up here – they went down our block and got all the leaves (which meant leaf-blowing, but it’s not a daily thing here, so I can cope). The little street I explored was also having their leaf clean up. I asked the guy in the truck – the whole street gets together and hires the landscaper, who works his way down the street and removes all the leaves from the yards.

Unlike on Cape, where they leaf blow every day into a pile that the wind then redistributes, and I was the only one on my street who ever actually raked up all the leaves and took them to the dump. In other words, I did the leaf removal for the whole street. Unpaid. Because, eventually, all those leaves ended up in my yard.

Not my problem anymore.

Had a nice chat with the librarians, and a nice walk back.

Finished reading ONE LAST CHRISTMAS AT THE CASTLE, which was a lovely holiday read. The author is a little overly fond of exclamation points in narrative, but the rest of it so lovely that I could deal with it. (I find too many exclamation points in narrative rather than dialogue exhausting. In dialogue, they indicate cadence and reveal character).

Got some work done on script coverage, but was too exhausted to really focus on it. The writer deserves my strong attention, not me pushing through when I’m overtired.

Instead, I put some of the decorations up on the big tree. The advice is to do it with the lights on, but the lights are rather bright, and it was difficult to see. Now, in daylight, I will have to move a few things as I add more! But every ornament has a story, and it’s fun to relive the memories each year when we decorate the tree.

Also figuring out where to put ornaments and things that don’t go on the tree. Since the space is new to us, and we’re trying to figure out how to make things work in it. Which is fun.

Didn’t feel like cooking, so ordered in from a restaurant I’d previously liked. This choice was not good – it was heavy and not prepared the way I liked it. Also, I’d been craving red meat, which I rarely eat any more, and that’s what I ordered. Since it wasn’t prepared properly, it was even more of a mistake than it would be otherwise. Shoe leather with sour cream, anyone?

It felt like a lump in my stomach, and I countered it with ginger tea, but overall, my body handled it better than expected, so there must have been something it needed.

Knowledge Unicorns was fun. Some of them had made Santa Lucia wreaths to wear on the 13th, with battery-operated candles instead of real ones, so that they didn’t set themselves or their houses on fire. They had fun adding that festival into their holiday calendar. Tomorrow is the Winter Holiday pageant they’ve written and rehearsed and will perform online together. I can’t wait.

Slept reasonably well; up once around 4 because I wasn’t feeling great, but the cats remained asleep, and didn’t get me up until a little after 6.

Did my first longhand writing session of the day and yoga and all that. Got some bread on the first rise. I will do some work on The Big Project, and then work on script coverages today.

This afternoon is the final Remote Chat. I’m sad the group is ending; it got me through a lot. I met great people there, and I hope I will stay in touch with at least some of them.

I might get some more baking done today, but I doubt it. oOther than the bread. I’ll have to get a lot done tomorrow and Friday instead. I’ll probably deliver to the neighbors over the weekend, and then to the libraries, post office, etc., on Monday. I have a bunch of admin stuff to finish up this week, too.

Back to the page.

Wed. March 24, 2021: Die For Your Employer Day 306 — Trudging Onward

image courtesy of Free Photos via pixabay.com

Wednesday, March 24, 2021

Waxing Moon

Cloudy and cooler

Yesterday was warm and pretty enough so we could have the windows and the door to the deck open for a bit. Only about a half hour, but it was nice to get in a spring breeze. It still goes down into the 30’s at night, so we wake up to frost, but there are a few hours during the day when it’s lovely.

I was up early. Got ahead on some client work. I’m trying to work ahead, at least roughing out a few projects, so that we get closer to deadline, I can refine them.

I’m spending hours every day house hunting. I’m not going to go into the details here, but it’s discouraging. The number of scams is appalling.

Got out some LOIs. Worked on contest entries. I’m almost done with one category. One of the digital files was blank, so I asked for a replacement. I’m hoping to get the finalists sent off by the end of this week. Working on the other two categories, too.

Reviewed the assigned book. I have another from the same company to review, which I will start reading today. Hope to get the review out by Friday or the weekend.

Did an early morning grocery run. Decontaminated.

Did some sorting, but not much packing. I will do a big push tomorrow through Sunday.

Did some work on GAMBIT COLONY. I’m not writing enough every day, and that’s making me more stressed. So I have to go back to the early morning writing to get my centering for the day.

Heard about a call for horror audio scripts. Paid. Thought it would be kind of fun, but their formatting is so out of any audio formatting I’ve ever done that it’s too much to take on right now. If it was one of the standard formats, no problem. But to have to learn a new format and create a 30-minute piece in a few days? While I’m under all this stress? Too much, and, while it’s great that it’s paid, it would be on spec rather than contract, so I’ll have to pass.

Knowledge Unicorns was fine. Everyone’s working hard, Stressed about schools reopening too soon and without everyone being vaccinated, even though my kids will not go back to in-person learning this school year. It’s too dangerous. Plus, ALL their grades have gone up this year. There are all these “studies” about how not being in school is hurting kids. It might be true in certain cases, but WE are making it work for them. The fact that they like learning helps. And resources from museums and other cultural institutions adds so much.

I’m reading Nicholas Hytner’s book BALANCING ACTS about his years at the National Theatre. He was the director on MISS SAIGON. Although the show was five years into the run when I joined it (for its last five years), he stopped by to check on the show every now and again. I didn’t know him well by any means, but we had some good conversations. I liked and respected him a lot.

It’s fun to read about his work with people I worked with, and also people I didn’t work with, but admired.

Reading it makes me miss theatre even more.  I wish the US funded theatre (and all the arts) the way the UK does. The way Europe does. Although, re-reading Peter Hall’s diaries about his years at the National, the amount of time spent appeasing various Councils definitely interferes with creation.

I need to get back to reading more Dorothy Parker and Dawn Powell material to do the play about them, and I need to do more research on Marie Collier for that play.

A couple of interview sources turned down the request for interview for the article, so I’m looking for other sources. I will get out some requests today.

I have to be onsite at a client’s for a few hours this morning, then do a curbside pickup/drop-off at the library. After decontamination, it’s Remote Chat, and then some other work.

Onward.

Wed. Oct. 23, 2019: Progress

Wednesday, October 23, 2019
Waning Moon
Neptune Retrograde
Uranus Retrograde

Hop on over for the latest at Ink-Dipped Advice.

I needed Monday’s meditation group. I felt discouraged and out of sorts, on various fronts. The cats had regressed in their progress. I was tired.

Meditation group helped.

Between client work and meditation, I did some work at the library. It was noisy and hard to concentrate. I wish they’d designate one of the computer areas as a quiet area. I’m all for libraries as community gathering places, but there also needs to be room for quiet work.

I finally decided I was too tired to concentrate. I found a new book by an author whose work I’ve read for years. I settled into an armchair in a nook in a relatively quiet corner. There’s no rule that says all time spent in a library has to be on the computer or doing research, does it? I read for about a half hour.

Unfortunately, this author is now writing sections of the book in present tense. She’s doing multiple points of view, some in present, some in past. It’s not working for me at all. Every time I hit a section in present tense, I want to throw the book across the room. I don’t care how many books it sells, how many awards it wins, if it’s a novel written in present tense, and not an epistolary or diary-format, it doesn’t work for me. I appreciate that this particular author feels, after twenty-plus books, the need to experiment with style. But moving into this style doesn’t work for me. I can’t enjoy the book, because the stylistic choice keeps pushing me out of the actual novel. So, if this continues, I will sadly have to stop reading this author. It makes me sad; I’ve enjoyed her books for over twenty years. But I read to enjoy and learn, not to be enraged because the author stands between me and the text screaming, “Look what a cool stylist I am” instead of letting me experience the book.

Every author must choose the style they believe best serves their story. That doesn’t mean I have to read it or accept it. I don’t believe in telling authors NOT to write a certain way. But I retain my right not to read something that doesn’t work for me.

But the loss of this author in my reading queue makes me sad.

Was too tired to cook, so I picked up dinner on the way home. That was nice. I’d also bought some room sprays at the yoga studio, and used them in the house, which calmed everyone down. One is cedar and lavender; the other is rosemary and mint.

I also bang two pots together like gongs if they get aggressive toward each other, which scatters them. I want them to associate aggression with a noise they don’t like.

They settled down after supper. Tessa in the big reading chair; Willa on her perch; Charlotte between us on the couch. Charlotte allows limited petting now, and finds she likes attention. When she feels bored and rejected, she gets aggressive. If we keep her busy and with company, she’s fine.

I’m reading a book I don’t particularly enjoy, but I kind of want to see where it goes.

A book I need to review arrived; I will turn that around this week.

I’m preparing a pitch to a new-to-me magazine editor. The idea I’m most excited about may not be the right fit for her, but I have a couple of others, and I’ll batch pitch. Then, she can pick what she wants and see if we’re a good match.

Tessa won the who-gets-to-sleep-on-the-bed lottery on Monday night.

Up early Tuesday. I had to drive my mother to Osterville at 7 AM for a blood test. We hopped next door to Earthly Delights, one of my favorite places, for coffee and muffins. Their goods are always outstanding.

Charlotte and Willa both want to be with me when I write, but neither wants the other there. So we are working on a way so they can both be with me, get along, and I can actually get some writing done.

Charlotte likes the computer and typing; she thinks she’s better at this stuff than I am.

With a client most of the day Tuesday, then some work at the library.

My first writing session of the day was out of sync, because I got up at 5:30 and barely got out of the house by 7 to drive my mom to her appointment. In order to get in an hour of writing, I’d have to get up at 4:30, and, just no. As it is, it was still dark enough to need headlights on the car when we left.

I’m so close to the end of a novel draft I can taste it, and all these obstacles keep cropping up in my path. But I will get there.

Even though we keep to the daily routines, with three cats who are figuring out how they fit together, it takes longer, so I have to build in more time in the morning and at night. They still all need play time to be separate, and they all need good sessions of play time.

We are working it out.

Client work was fine. We’re in that slow patch before the holidays.

Early morning writing session today, and then dropped off something for my mom on my way in to work. With a client most of the day. Hoping I can join in the Remote Chat.

Wednesday night has evolved into pizza night, so that’s something fun to look forward to.

Tomorrow’s post will be late. I have a 10 AM phone meeting with a potential new client.

One word at a time. Eventually, you have enough words to make something.

Published in: on October 23, 2019 at 5:59 am  Comments Off on Wed. Oct. 23, 2019: Progress  
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Tues. Sept. 3, 2013: Hellish Weekend & Jeremy Renner Saves This Writer’s Bacon in a Dream

Tuesday, September 3, 2013
Waning Moon
Sunny and humid

A Hell of a weekend. A good lesson in not letting the b.s. get you down.

Friday, I had a fairly light workday. I was waiting for what I’d been assured was good news on a big contract that would take up most of my time in the upcoming months. I was clearing things off my desk, preparing to actually HAVE a holiday weekend.

A little after 5 PM, the news came — I did not get that contract. I’ve been jerked around all summer with assurances about how much they love my work while they went and hired someone with no practical experience, no track record of meeting deadlines, but with more degrees.

To say I was devastated and heartbroken is an understatement. First of all, I am the best person for the job. Period. End of story. I have the skills, the creativity, the ability to meet deadlines; they even said my proposal was so perfect they didn’t need to change even a comma. Yet they gave the contract – -which means the MONEY — to someone who has no practical experience, but a string of letters after the name.

That throws the rest of my year out of whack — I’ve got to scramble financially and find work to replace this. It wasn’t something that could be layered onto anything else — it would need my full attention, so I held back on long-term projects that would conflict. That was MY stupidity, and I’m paying for it dearly now.

Hurt, angry, frantic. That was my Friday night.

I didn’t get any sleep. I was too upset. I couldn’t pretend it was okay, because it wasn’t okay, not on any level. And I will NEVER believe them again until the check has cleared – -this is a big name house with a solid reputation. The fact that they fucked me over in this way means my price just went WAAAAY up in anything related to them in the future. I already know the person who beat me out for the gig can’t meet the deadlines or deliver solid work — they’ll find it out. Cold comfort to me, who has to find a way to pay the bills over the next few months, but, ultimately, I have to trust that the universe will find a far more interesting way to sort this out than I ever could.

Also, pretending it doesn’t bother me when it does would just make me sick. And I’m angry at myself for trusting them — although I trusted the person who set me up with them in the first place, because that’s what she’s paid to do. Don’t bullshit me with the talk of future projects. I need something NOW.

I was up before 5 AM on Saturday, and between 6:30 in the morning and about 4 in the afternoon, I wrote another book proposal and sample chapters. This is a book that I want to write, a book I’ve wanted to write for awhile, but was put aside for the moment when this other project came up. So I sat down and powered through it.

I was exhausted by the end of the day, but happy with it. It’s something I know well, something about which I love to write, and very practical.

I could have spent the weekend wallowing in my anger and self-pity, but I decided to take the frantic momentum and turn it around. I wrote something important to ME, something I want to do, and that also has huge market potential, so it has the best of both worlds, for the right partner.

I put it aside on Sunday, and made some notes on an idea I’ve been playing with for awhile. An idea that is FAR out of my wheelhouse, a huge stretch/leap for me in my work. But I’ve found the voice and it feels right.

I did 994 words on it Monday morning. I like where I’m going with it. It’s so far out of what I usually do, and in a POV I rarely use, but it’s working, and I love it.

And I pitched some article ideas — got to jump right back into the water, get back on the horse, all those cliches, right?

I had to stop then, because I had to drive Costume Imp back to Providence, so he could get his bus back to New York. The bus, was, of course, delayed, but I’m glad we got off Cape early, because by the time we returned, there were backups coming over both bridges that looked interminable. Plus, on the way home, we took a detour to Target.

Over the weekend, we gorged ourselves watching TORCHWOOD: MIRACLE DAY on demand. I can never get enough of John Barrowman and Eve Myles anyway, and their chemistry is terrific. But this show is one of the most terrifying, relevant, and best written shows I’ve ever seen. It was wonderful to be able to watch the entire season in just a couple of days.

NEWSROOM wasn’t on this Sunday, so I wound up watching the end of THE BOURNE LEGACY. I’ve seen bits and pieces over the past weeks, but still haven’t sat down and watched the whole thing from start to finish. I should — it’s got Jeremy Renner in it, and he’s one of my favorite actors. I liked his work well before HURT LOCKER and most people even knew who he was.

But anyway, note to self: don’t watch THE BOURNE LEGACY right before bedtime unless you want it to invade your dreams. Actually, it was the actor AS an actor, not as one of his characters who invaded my dreams. I dreamed that I wrote another show for the National Marine Life Center, but the actors didn’t show up for rehearsal, and I couldn’t find them for the performance. Which was sold out. For some reason, Jeremy Renner wandered past as I was running around looking for my actors, stepped in and cold-read all the roles in the entire script, bringing down the house.

Which he is totally talented enough to do, but since we’ve never worked together, I don’t know why he would! Even though it was a dream, I’m terribly grateful to him, and woke up with some solutions. I spent so many years working with actors, I don’t usually dream about them. Too much of a busman’s holiday. But if my subconscious wants to personify itself as Jeremy Renner, who am I to argue? 😉

I’m sure other people have dreams about Jeremy Renner in quite a different context!

Obviously, I’ve got some anxieties about remounting the play.

Upon coming back home yesterday, another idea blazed across the brain (because Ideas come in batches, always). I wrote an outline, and this morning wrote 4707 words (18 pages) of this project.

So, I’ve got two priority projects to juggle, plus the fantasy trilogy, plus getting the play up again, plus finding enough work to pay the bills for the next few months.

Which means I better get back to it, huh? I’ve got two book reviews to finish today, some contracts to resend, work on the play, work on the grant for the next play, invoicing for previous articles, and a final polish on the proposal I wrote on Saturday (that I still love) that I intend to have on my agent’s desk by the end of the day.

Power on.

Devon