Thurs. March 2, 2023: Decisions, Seeds, and Prepping for More Snow

image courtesy of Roman Grac via pixabay.com

Thursday, March 2, 2023

Waxing Moon

Rainy, icy, cold

The latest Gratitude and Growth post about the garden is live here.

I had a realization about process today. Bear with me.

I sat down yesterday morning to work on a project I’ve been noodling with and have had resistance to work on. I sat there, staring at the screen, and thought, “I don’t want to work on this.”

Then I had to ask myself WHY I didn’t want to work on it? The project has merit; it’s fun and plays with ideas and form.

I didn’t want to work on it because the only reason I was doing it was to create content for a particular site, not because it was an idea that took fire for me. I had gone in search of the idea because I needed to create content, instead of getting zapped by an idea and trying to figure out where it fit best.

Now, I make my living writing. There’s nothing wrong with creating a piece with a specific target in mind. But this project is kind of my last Hail Mary for this particular site, so I’m feeling pressure to, well, not do genuine work but mimic the voice of similar content.

Which is not the right reason to do something. Not for me, anyway.

Working for money is part of the deal. All those “I wouldn’t do art for MONEY. I don’t care if I get PAID” people  — I have all kinds of issues with them and how they intentionally sabotage those of us who make a living at it, often because they can’t do it as a living, and resent that anyone else can. It’s fine to create for oneself and not monetize it. That’s a choice. But don’t get in the way of those of us who do.

I need to step away from this particular project for a few weeks or months and try to figure out if it’s something that I think will be fun to work on while having an eye on the market, or if it’s a clinical market experiment. Both of those are valid choices. But I have to be honest with myself about the reason I’m doing it, and take responsibility for those choices. Originally, I figured I’d start it today, and have a first draft done by March 15 (it’s only 15K in length, and has to hit that pretty exactly on the word count (maybe about 20-30 words of wiggle room). It needs to be created on the computer, not in longhand, because the word count on each section must be precise. That would give me two weeks to revise, and then it would start running in 500-word segments for the month of April (while I’m busy involved with the DG End of Play project), let it sit for 3 months, disappear it, and possibly reappear in novella form (revised) in fall or winter.

I don’t like to squash the revisions in that fast, or have that short a time before the first revision. Then I figured, well, I’ll write it this month and have it run in June.

But I still met with resistance when I sat down to work on it.

It hasn’t had enough percolation time, and I’m trying to push it into being before it’s ready. Now, some projects drop into my head nearly fully formed and take off immediately (such as the Heist Romance script). This one, I was searching for ideas to work in the format/market/experiment. If I had landed an advance for it, well, then I’d have to suck it up and get it done. But this is an experiment, to see if this type of piece will work in this particular market. There are no guarantees at all it will hit, even if it’s good. And it doesn’t have the chance to be good if I force it before it germinates. Because it’s not under contract and advance, I have the luxury to push it back and to germinate/percolate/grow organically a little more. Even though, by the time I’m ready for it, the market may well have shifted, and then I’ll have to deal with that reality.

The central character is there. The basics of the premise are there (but not the hook). But the muse hasn’t smacked me upside the head with the Frying Pan of Creativity, and in this instance, I need it. It’s not already contracted, so I can let it grow organically. It’s a hard decision, but it’s a case where I need to put the work first, and because it doesn’t affect anyone else’s schedule or income, I have that flexibility.

Back to our regular daily musings.

I felt better after the decision, but still couldn’t settle and focus. I was agitated and unsettled. I found another grant to which to apply, and will do so when I can focus. I tried researching novels set in artist or writers’ colonies, and the search engines were useless. They are getting worse and worse every day with all this faux SEO and AI crap. I’ve read TC Boyle’s EAST IS EAST multiple times. I have THE ARTIST COLONY and THE ECLIPTIC on my list. But there must be more. I found THE WRITING RETREAT by Julia Bartz, which also sounds good, and some other novels, which aren’t set in that location, which sound interesting. A fellow reader on Mastodon suggested A THEATRE FOR DREAMERS by Polly Samson, so that’s on the list.

I navigated through the day with a growing sense of doom, as though I waited for something awful to happen. Then I worried that I would draw it to me by worrying about it. One of THOSE spirals.

I did the social media rounds for Ink-Dipped Advice, The Process Muse, and yesterday’s episode of Angel Hunt. I turned around two script coverages, both of which were more complicated than expected.

I read for pleasure in the evening, until about midnight.

Had an intense time in the Dreamscape. Positive, but intense, and woke up with an idea that’s formed as far as beginning and end and needs some figuring out in the middle. I made notes and added it to the percolation pile.

A piece that’s been percolating waved at me and said, “think about taking another look at me. I might be what you want for that market you stepped away from yesterday. But you can’t rush it.” We’ll see.

I have meditation this morning, then it’s off to the post office, the library, and the liquor store. This afternoon, I’m attending a virtual author talk, and I also have to turn around two scripts. I hope to get some work done on Legerdemain and on a grant application where the application portal opened yesterday. One of those where they won’t let you read the whole thing ahead of time, which is Very Annoying.

Tessa and Charlotte negotiated sharing my bed all day yesterday. Each made her own blanket fort on a different part of the bed and pretended the other wasn’t there. Tessa slept with me on the bed all night until the coffee started this morning, and then Tessa went to check on the coffee while Charlotte concentrated on waking me up.

Episode 64 of Legerdemain drops today. I hope you enjoy it.

Off to meditation. Have a good day!