Fri. Feb. 26, 2021: Die For Your Employer 280/MA Vaccine Distribution Fail Day 30 — Applying Meditation Practice To Life

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Friday, February 26, 2021

First Day of Full Moon

Partly cloudy and mild

I had the chance to use what we’ve been working on in meditation in life yesterday.

It was a stressful day and kept tugging me off-course, although by 10 AM, I’d gotten in writing, client work, admin work, and my mother’s doctor’s appointment.

The “digital waiting room” for the vaccine appointments is appalling. Who can sit with the computer tab open for 6722 minutes? If you open another tab to work on something while you wait, it kicks you out of the “waiting room.” How is this sustainable? Who can spend 17-18 hours a DAY on the computer trying to get an appointment and still carry work and family responsibilities? Why does every “fix” Baker adds make it all worse?

More importantly, why are second dose patients competing with first dose patients? Why aren’t they sent to a separate sign-in and given the appointments they need?

Why does Baker act like Cape Cod isn’t part of the state?

The physical, emotional, and financial burdens he is causing are enormous. And totally unnecessary. His refusal to listen to qualified, talented people around him and respond to what is actually going on versus what he wants it to look like is infuriating. All these stories are being planted in the press about how great MA is doing with vaccines, and it’s an entirely different reality than what I’m living.

Then, he sits in the state hearing and gaslights.

Of course he does. He’s a Republican. He’s right on brand.

I finally just sat down and took a deep breath, and decided to try techniques we worked on (especially last week, and, since I couldn’t participate this week, I felt off-kilter).

First thing: Where am I right now?

Answer: Not okay.

And, as a friend of mine pointed out yesterday, it’s okay not to be okay. I worked, flat out, through a pandemic, three surgeries, and two cancer scares in the past year. My last vacation was in May of 2016. I’ve been taking care of my elderly mother, fighting to get her the vaccinations in a system that delights to cause pain and suffering, kept up with client work, sought new client work, had to deal with clients being more demanding because remote work “isn’t really work”, and am dealing with some other major upcoming life changes.

I am frustrated, angry, scared, and overwhelmed. And, especially, exhausted.

And those factions who say I “choose” to feel that way say so from hilltops of entitlement and privilege.

I feel what I feel, and it matters.

I acknowledge that I’m not okay. That’s step one. It’s real, and relevant.

I have to acknowledge that the level of stress that didn’t slow me down at twenty is slowing me down now that I am decades beyond twenty. Also, at age twenty, I wasn’t fighting to keep my family alive in a pandemic amidst the selfish and the stupid.

Plenty of external pressures are out of my control. I can’t control the vaccine sign-up site (although, at the risk of sounding egotistical, if I did, there would be a far more equitable distribution system in place).

I can’t control clients who are pretending the pandemic doesn’t exist anymore and demand a higher productivity level than before the pandemic, but without resources. I CAN change my relationship with those clients, although there are consequences, and I have to have other clients in place to pick up the financial slack. That is a work in progress.

Early in the pandemic, I severed relationships with several clients who refused to give me any option to work remotely, and it was absolutely the right choice.

There are a couple of people who are taking up too much real estate in my head, and I need to give them eviction notices. That doesn’t happen immediately, but it is something that can happen, with work.

There’s physical work to be done here at the house, and I’m breaking it down and handling as much as I can at a time, while exploring options in case it cuts very close to me running out of time completely. Again, there’s only so much I can do physically at any given time. I am not twenty. It’s a reality. And it’s not something I could hire anyone else to do – especially not during a pandemic. Plus, we can’t have anyone in the house who is not part of the household during a pandemic.

There are other factors that are out of my control, but I’m trying to figure out workarounds.

By facing each situation individually and looking at it in terms of what can I do? What can’t I do? Where can I adjust? Where does the necessary adjustment go against my needs? What are my other alternatives?

I can also clear out the mental clutter and focus on each piece of work with full attention. When I work on the articles, for instance, and get lost in them, I’m happy doing the work, I do good work, and it gets good results. Or creating a marketing campaign for a client.

One of the few upsides of the pandemic was realizing how many unhealthy work compromises I’ve made over the last ten years, since leaving full-time theatre work, and learning what adjustments I have to make for a healthier work situation. I may not get it with every assignment, but the more assignments I can stack up that are within what I consider the “healthy work arena” the better the quality of my work and my life.

I can’t control the companies that are determined to act like the pandemic never happened and plan to force their employees into their offices full-time, even when the work doesn’t call for it. But I can avoid as many of those assignments as possible.

Accepting not being okay, and working on things I can actually DO instead of drowning in what I can’t do helped a lot.

And reminding myself to let up on the negative self-talk, which, over the past few weeks, has reached screeching levels inside my head.

Freelance Chat was fun and upbeat, and I got some good ideas out of it, which I hope to implement.

Spent some time on the acupressure mat. One of the replacement books arrived, the diaries of Sir Peter Hall, talking about the creation of the National Theatre in the 1970’s. I’d read it before, at the start of my theatre career, and loved it. I started re-reading it, and can’t put it down. I’m seeing so much from a different perspective (not to mention, by this point, I’ve worked with some of the people mentioned, when I only knew their work the first time I read it). It’s a very invigorating book.

Turned back way too many requests to “talk” from recruiters – all for jobs that have nothing to do with what I do. I’m a writer – it’s clear on the website, it’s clear on my resume, it’s clear on my linked in profile. So stop TELLING me I should take a job that’s a web designer (I’m not qualified), a sales executive (I’m not interested), a truck driver (what? How do you get that from writer?). Read my actual material and stop wasting my time.

Was ready to bitch slap some Twitter twat complaining that wearing a mask fogged up her glasses and was “intolerable.” You know what? Over 500,000 deaths are intolerable. You’re merely inconvenienced, you selfish POS. I did not say that in my reply; I told her how I avoided lens fog (at least most of the time). I’ve worn a mask nearly a year now. It’s not hard to wear it with glasses so you don’t fog up.

Worked on the article. I finally have it almost were I want it, although I have to cut about 300 words, which includes a quote I’d like to keep in, but there just isn’t room. I’m going to cut the 300 words to get it in at word count and get it to my editor this morning.

Knowledge Unicorns was good. We got solid work done. I am so grateful for the educational stuff that the Smithsonian and the American Museum of Natural History and other big museums post. Whatever their assignments, we can supplement with material from places they couldn’t visit in time to do the assignment, even without a pandemic. I hope some of theses online resources continue. I know the kids who live far away from these places are now eager to visit when it’s safe.

After I do a library run, a liquor store run, and a CVS run to pick up my mom’s prescription, I will turn my attention to the article for THE WRITER. I’d like to get it out to my editor a little early. I have all but two quotes, and I have enough material to go without. I’m also doing some live script doctoring via Zoom while a corporate video is shooting, which is a new and different experience.

I was up way too early this morning worrying. So I gave up, got up, and need to turn that energy into actual work.

I have a lot on my agenda this weekend, between the article, books for review, contest entries, and more box purging. Weather-wise, it looks like it will be all over the place. I might do another dump run (I sure have enough).

I’m hoping to build in some rest. I need it.

I also plan to drop in, at least for a bit, at my virtual 40^th HS reunion. The organizers took the time to hunt me down; the least I can do is show up for a while. I have nothing at stake – maybe one or two people from my high school graduating class have remained part of my life. High school was something to get through so I could get going on my life. Were there many bouts of unhappiness? Sure. It was high school. But I also made decisions to find what I wanted and needed away from the cliques and that kind of stuff, and it was the right choice for me. Plus, I graduated a semester early and started college early, and I was taking college classes while still in high school. I hope everyone in my graduating class is well and happy, but our lives have taken us in different directions.

Next week, I have to make some big decisions.

Have a great weekend.

Thurs. Feb. 25, 2021: Die For Your Employer Day 280/MA Vaccine Distribution Fail Day 29 — Continued Failure

image courtesy of Pete Linforth via pixabay.com

Thursday, February 25, 2021

Waxing Moon

Cloudy and windy

Yesterday was stressful, but in different ways than I expected.

I had a decent early morning’s session of work with some writing and LOIs done. Headed off to the client’s. Wednesday is the day we overlap in person for a few hours. But, one colleague was sick and the other had a doctor’s appointment off-Cape, so I was on my own. I got a lot done (and handled a lot that is, technically, not my job). But it was good to be in the office on my own and get the work done.

I received an email with a link to set up my mother’s second dose appointment. It led me to the main sign-up site with NO clinics on Cape Cod for the foreseeable future. Not only that, but I was competing with the expanded pool trying for first doses.

How is this acceptable at any level? What’s going to happen WHEN I can’t schedule her for the second dose within the four-day window of the 21 days we were warned about? It’s so disorganized. In every other state where the vaccine process is working, patients are scheduled for the second dose right there on site once they’ve had the first dose.

Meanwhile, Baker continues to swan around, opening yet more mass vaccination sites, all off Cape. And he can’t use the excuse about lack of doses, because he boasted about the 135,000 that just arrived. So why aren’t ANY of them coming to Cape Cod?

The Fairgrounds in Falmouth are a designated mass vaccination site, but it hasn’t been set up. Why not?

He had a press conference about more equitable distribution to the Berkshires and Barnstable. Yeah, right. I’ll believe it when I can actually book the next appointment on time. Watching the press conference, it looked like he was wasting money on hiring people who would say, “there, there” when approached with the problem, but not actually DO anything to solve it.

Why are those needing a second dose competing with those who need the first dose? Why isn’t it organized so those with the second dose are sent to a special site and get priority?

If Baker ever traveled to the Coliseum in Rome, I bet he stood there and fantasized about the fights to the death in the ring, because that’s what he’s set up here.

It is unacceptable.

Forty-five minutes later, I got another email from Barnstable, stating that second-dose sites were being set up, but there wasn’t any information yet.

Can they give us the right fucking information EVER instead of constant, contradictory, incorrect information?

Meanwhile, the elderly relatives in Maine (and there are a lot of them) have gotten both their first and second doses already. Pfizer, too, which is great. The sign-up was organized and smooth; they were scheduled for the second dose while they were under observation after their first dose; no one had to travel more than 15 minutes. That’s what an organized program looks like.

Even better, they had no side effects. (And they all had bad side effects from flu shots every year).

So I’m relieved for them, and frustrated for us.

Today marks the one-year anniversary of the first surgery last year, and my body and spirit are having sense memory of the pain and the fear involved.

On top of that, some dumbass acquaintance actually said to me yesterday, “I bet you wish you still had cancer so you could jump the line and get the vaccine.”

Um, no. I’d much rather be cancer-free and wait until April or so to get the vaccine.

Fortunately, it is someone I can remove completely from my life soon.

While I was at the office, unmasked men with large machinery came digging around in the backyard about the septic system. My mother said she felt like a character in an Agatha Christie novel, peeking through the curtains. At least they cleaned up after themselves.

In the afternoon, a surveyor came by, again unmasked. He pounded on the door. We do not open to the unmasked. He puttered around for about an hour and a half.

But it threw off the work of the afternoon.

Remote Chat was fun, and the conversation sparked an idea for next week’s Ink-Dipped Advice post, which I will work on over the next few days and schedule to post.

The potential client to whom I sent script samples claimed to love them, but says the project is “on hold.” Yeah, right. You found out that you had to actually pay for skills and decided to drop the project. A tire-kicker, not an actual potential client. Moving on.

I didn’t get enough work done on the article, and will have to finish it today.

A client contacted me after hours with an inappropriate request. I did not respond (hey, after hours). I will this morning, and shoot it down. I knew being flexible on a request last week would lead to this.

My mother fell and cut her leg, so I cleaned it up and bandaged it. She has a doctor’s appointment this morning anyway (so no meditation group for me; I will do some extra meditation on my own).

After my mom’s doctor appointment and then our decontamination protocols, I’m focused on my articles for the rest of the day.

Supposedly, 50,000 new vaccine appointments go live today. I wonder if ANY of them will be on Cape Cod.

Better get going. It will be a long day.

Wed. Feb. 24, 2021: Die For Your Employer Day 279/MA Vaccine Distribution Fail Day 28 — Start of the Thaw

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Wednesday, February 24, 2021

Waxing Moon

Cloudy and mild

Most of the snow is melted, so I guess the guys with their soil sample digging machines who will be around this morning can find the little flags planted over the past few weeks.

I have a post on Ink-Dipped Advice about inspiring rather than bullying to get what you want.

Yesterday wound up being a productive, steady day. I prepped next week’s email blast for a client, and did some other work on the client’s websites. I need to do more; there’s poor copyediting on a few things from before I started working with them, and I need to clean it up.

A contest listing landed on my desk, and it sounded interesting, so I edited an appropriate piece and sent it off. It’s something in a different direction for me, and I’m interested to see if I’m on the right track.

A call for submission landed on my desk, and I sent off a longish short story that seemed to fit. They do audio work, so in my cover letter, I mentioned that I write radio comedy/drama.

Got the script samples out to the potential new client.

Finished a book for review. I’d meant to only take a 20-minute break and read for a bit, but the book was so engaging, I sat there and finished it, then wrote the review and sent it off. I received the next two books for review by the end of the workday, and I’m looking forward to getting started on those. That’ll make this set of five books reviewed, and I invoice every five books.

Started on the print entries for the third category of the contest I’m judging. Only a handful of print entries left, and then I will start on the digital entries. Which is good, because the second shipment of entries should go out in about two weeks. I want to get all the first batch done before the second batch arrives.

Worked on the article. I hope to have it finished either by end of day today, or, more likely, mid-day tomorrow, and get it off to my editor. Overnight, I got another great quote.

Read a book that pretended to be progressive and tolerant, but, when dissected, was full of right-wing evangelical crap. Not because the author was trying to point out the danger of right-wing evangelical crap, but because the author supported the right-wing evangelical crap over the tolerance. That author’s crossed off my list going forward.

Made my box purging quota for the day (and caught up on what I didn’t do yesterday). Found some things that puzzled me. I’m assuming that they were props/costume pieces for a project? But I have no idea which one. Found a box of electrical cords for which I’ve been looking – since we moved in. In 2010. It’s been buried since then.

As I’m going through the boxes, I’m realizing how the movers paid no attention to what was noted on the box (I mark what’s in the box and where it should go). If it was a box, they stuffed it in the basement. No wonder I felt like I’ve lost stuff since the last move. Yes, I know, I should have unpacked everything much earlier. But I didn’t, so I have to catch up now.

Knowledge Unicorns was back in session yesterday. Everyone had a good break. There’s intense pressure to get back in the classroom in April, which is silly. Just keep it remote until the end of the year, and start back up in fall. This group is united in remaining remote until enough people are vaccinated, which sure as hell won’t happen by April. Besides, all the kids are dong really well, grades are up, and they’re actually learning stuff beyond what they would have in a traditional setup.

Today will be a stressful morning. But at least there’s remote chat.

I have to miss the online meditation group tomorrow morning because my mom has an early doctor’s appointment, so I’ll have to make up for that in individual practice during the day.

I got more mail addressed to my father, who died in 1972, and never lived at this address. It’s very disturbing. I’m contacting the companies sending this mail (cc to the appropriate Attorneys General) demanding from what list they got it and where purchased. Because I’m thinking someone stole my deceased father’s identity. But why is the mail coming here?

I’m hoping, in the next couple of days, to hear about my mom’s next vaccination appointment. They’re supposed to get in touch this week. There have been NO vaccine appointments open on the Cape this week, except for the Rich White People’s Secret Number, Baker’s moved doses away from smaller sites all over the state into the large sites like Gillette and Fenway – where most people can’t get to them. Instead of moving the doses to, you know, where they’re needed.

I better get to it. Those words won’t write themselves! Have a great day.

Tues. Feb. 23, 2021: Die For Your Employer Day 278/MA Vaccine Distribution Fail Day 27 — Some Good, Some Frustrating

image courtesy of Gordon johnson via pixabay.com

Tuesday, February 23, 2021

Waxing Moon

Mercury Direct (as of Saturday)

Cloudy and cold

We have crossed the line of 500,000 COVID-19 deaths. The grief I feel is crushing. How can people shrug off such a loss? How can they be so horrible and selfish? Truly, I need to find a place where I can become a professional recluse, because people are awful.

Busy and weird couple of days.

Had to shovel us out again on Friday morning. Not too bad – took about an hour. I went over to the elderly neighbor’s and shoveled their drive, too. The only bad part was, again, the plow mashed about a foot of snow across the bottom of each driveway, and I had to get it out before it froze in place.

My mom felt better, still a little fatigued and dizzy, but the arm pain lessened.

I, however, was toast by lunchtime, and wound up spending the afternoon in bed. Completely wiped out. Read a bit, dozed a bit, Tessa kept me company. She was delighted.

Up early on Saturday morning. Another four inches of snow fell, so it was back outside with the shovel. It was fluffy, so it didn’t take long, except, yes, you guessed it, at the bottom of the drive, where the plow packed it in.

Did a curbside pickup at the library, and also at the liquor store.

Home, decontaminated.

After lunch, I started in on the boxes, because I was bad about keeping up all week. I purged 12 boxes, and it was frustrating. Lost two entire boxes of books to the damp. A metal trunk I’d stored down there rusted it through, and I lost the entire contents.

But I’ve started stacking the reorganized boxes on planks along the blank wall, and that’s working out well.

Unfortunately, I sprained my foot while I was carting things up and down, so not only was I purging boxes and running laundry up and down, but I did it on a sprained foot.

Not my idea of a good time.

 I was wrecked by the end of the day. Not to mention discouraged.

Woke up around 2:30 in the morning on Sunday, worrying, and couldn’t get back to sleep. Got up a little after 5. Did a dump run as soon as the dump opened, and then a quick grocery shop. Home, decontaminated, got out some LOIs (one to a place I really, really want to work).

Then, this buttercup had to buckle up and do more box-purging.

I had more plastic bins to work on in my quota stacks today than cardboard boxes. I emptied out several – kept a few things that were reorganized into other boxes, but tossed most of it. It feels good to get rid of what I no longer need.

Found some love letters and other correspondence around the time I was engaged to the English guy, way back when. What an optimistic idiot I was! Dodged a bullet there, when that relationship fell apart. It’s difficult not to have contempt for who I was then; it’s also difficult not to mourn her.

Worked on the article.

Finished the book for review, and sent off the review yesterday.

Fell into bed far too early Sunday night, which meant I kept waking up every few hours.

Up early yesterday, worked on the review, the article. Client work. Had to swing by a client’s office (while no one else was in) to answer questions that came in (Direct Response Copy Writing), but I needed to measure a piece in order to do it. Also packed up an order and dropped it by the post office, since the mail carrier no longer picks up packages at the business.

Home, decontaminated, back at the desk. Client work, LOIs (to some really cool places), keeping one ear on the Merrick Garland confirmation hearings, downloaded some of the digital contest entries – can’t wait to get started on them.

Trying to replace a couple of sources for one of the articles, and restructuring the piece. I can do something good with what I have; but those additional sources would take it over the top.

Over the weekend, I made a decision to cut loose the second grant proposal this session. I can do it fast or do it well, but not both. With the moving pressures on me, much as I want/need the grant money, I can’t do a realistic budget and source some of the information needed for the grant proposal to soar. Made a note in the calendar to see what I can do for next year – probably on a different project, but I should be in a better place to really write the grant. I also decided not to apply for the NEA grant. It’s too much right now.

As annoyed with myself as I am for not at least trying to write the grants, I’d rather not do it this year and write a strong proposal next year, than write a poor proposal this year. My time and energy need a different focus, and the grant committee doesn’t need a weak proposal.

Looked at real estate listings, which is terrifying. There’s a genuine housing crisis, and no one gives a damn.

Baker is making changes to the vaccine appointment/distribution system – and making it worse. I have no idea if my mom will even get her second dose.

There were NO appointments for Cape Cod open this week, except at the White Elitist Special Secret Number. This is not acceptable.

Worked on contest entries, and finished the print entries in the second category. There is one that is just magnificent. The rest of the incoming entries in that category are going to have to be spectacular to get ranked higher. It’s always so energizing to read a wonderful book.

I have a few print entries to read in the third category, and then I start reading the digital entries. I’ve got them all on my kindle.

Started reading my next book for review, which is quite good.

I got a response from an LOI I sent out last week, asking for script samples. They will go off today. I’d really like to land this client. I’d enjoy the work.

I’ve got client work today, but the bulk of the day will be spent on the articles. And scrubbing out the next section of the basement floor, so I can stack the re-organized boxes and get going on some more boxes.

Tomorrow will be a very stressful day on multiple levels, and I have to figure out how to get through it.

Have a good one, friends.

Mon. Feb. 22, 2021: Intent for the Week — Steadily Working

image courtesy of Rene Rauschenberger via pixabay.com

This week, I’ve got my head down, and I’m working.

Articles, client work, working on the move.

All I can do is hold my lines and keep moving forward.

Fri. Feb. 19, 2021: Die For Your Employer Day 275/MA Vaccine Distribution Fail Day 23 — Baker Blows It Again

image courtesy of Hermann Schmider via pixabay.com

Friday, February 19, 2021

Waxing Moon

Mercury Retrograde

Stormy and cold

After meditation, I headed out to my client’s for a couple of hours to get done some things that hadn’t gotten done the day before because so much of the day was about my mother’s vaccine appointment. As I suspected, there was NO reason for me to be there on site at the same time as anyone else. The client could have emailed or texted me the information, and I could have gone in with no one else in the office and taken care of it.

Instead of redirecting vaccine doses to areas that need them, Baker opened up eligibility to a million more residents – without, of course, checking with anyone to see if the website could handle it. Naturally, it couldn’t, and was down for most of the day. He was ranting and raving in interviews. Hey, bucko, try talking to the people doing the work BEFORE you make your random announcements, and then this won’t happen.

There’s a good reason this state is given an F in the vaccine rollout report card. And the reason starts with a B – Baker. His refusal to coordinate and communicate and give the people doing the work any support or resources before he goes out and announces things are some of the big reasons we’re having these problems.

But what do you expect from someone who refused to have any workers on the advisory committee to reopen businesses? He has a huge disconnect about how work is accomplished. He seems to think magic elves come in while he’s asleep, instead of actual people working as hard as they can in impossible situations – putting their lives at risk.

While in the office, a friend of the client’s called with a “special” number for the client to call to get a vaccine appointment that day. Which just seems weird, since supposedly, the only clinic giving vaccines all week in this region was the one I took my mom to on Wednesday.

White elitist vaccine appointments, based on who you know, would be totally on brand for Cape Cod.

She texted me after I left, saying she had an appointment. Good for her, because she’s definitely eligible, and we should all have an appointment, but if an Elitist Vaccine Appointment Line exists, that’s disturbing on multiple levels.

I’m sure I’ll hear all about it next week.

I managed to get home just as the snow started. Decontaminated, and got back to the work I should have been doing that morning.

The latest IPSY bag arrived, and is absolutely delightful. I’m so much happier with IPSY than I was with Sephora Play, and Birchbox was a total nightmare.

I forgot to mention that, on Tuesday, I received my first Tamed Wild box. Totally different vibe than Goddess Provisions, but also really interesting and well done.

Had to order a new waste toner cartridge for the big laser printer (something else to learn to fix), and ordered more file folders, too. I need them for the cleaning out I’m doing.

Snowed pretty hard all day into the night, although this morning, it doesn’t look like a lot of accumulation, except where the plow pushed it into the bottom of the driveway, where it’s at least a foot. Hopefully, it won’t freeze down before I shovel.

Packed up another bookcase in my room. Tessa was not amused.

Got some, but not all, the quotes for my first article, and the bulk of today will be spent on that and the second grant proposal. The budget is what’s really slowing me down on that. I want it to be realistic, and the samples I’ve seen just aren’t.

Got some quotes for the second article, and will also spend time working on that. I’ve written the opening in my head, and really like it.

I have a little more research to do this weekend, and, on Monday, I will send out interview requests for the third article.

Need to get some LOIs out, and need to purge boxes from the basement. I haven’t met my quota this week so far, and I have a high quota for the weekend, so I need to get back on track. However, I did pack quite a few boxes of books upstairs, which wasn’t on the week’s list!

Yesterday, my mom’s arm was really sore. It lessened as the day wore on, but then she was very fatigued, and slept on and off all afternoon. Hopefully, today she feels better.

Called my mom’s doctor to let her know about the first dose. Supposedly, the system forwards the vaccine information, but the office said it hasn’t gotten anything, so once she has both doses, I’ll scan the vaccine record card and send it over to them.

I was so worn out, I went to bed ridiculously early last night, and woke up just after midnight, thinking it was 5 AM. Managed to get back to sleep, until the plows woke me, a little after 4.

Got a lot of work on GAMBIT COLONY done yesterday. I need to find my notes on the next section, set in Venice.

I’m not even going to comment on the whole Ted Cruz thing here, which is wrong on so many levels, it would take its own white paper to dissect.

Have a great weekend, friends, and see you on the other side.

Thurs. Feb. 18, 2021: Die For Your Employer Day 274/MA Vaccine Distribution Fail Day 22 — A Little Good News

image courtesy of Oliana Gruxdeva via pixabay.com

Thursday, February 18, 2021

Waxing Moon

Mercury Retrograde

Incoming storm

There’s a post over on Gratitude and Growth about the quiet and the garden.

Yesterday was stressful.

The good news is that my 96-year-old mother was moved from the waiting list to an actual slot for the first dose of the vaccine.

I swung by the office to do a few things before anyone else arrived, left a note, and then came back home and did some more work before we had to head out.

The vaccination site was on Cape Cod, and not too far away. It was in Orleans. At the dump. They had to set up a vaccination site at the town dump.

Everyone was very nice, and it was well-run. It was a drive-through clinic, so we stayed in the car the entire time. We were guided to our slot. The nurse gave my mom the vaccine in her arm. We had to wait, with the fire/rescue checking on us every few minutes, until we could leave, about 15 minutes later. We drove home.

There’s a ton of paperwork around it all. The paperwork was more complicated than the shot itself.

There weren’t enough doses to give me the “caretaker” shot – I have no problem with that, but it worries my mom.

We drove home, decontaminated. She felt fine; I was wrecked.

I managed to do a final polish and get one of the grant proposals out, though. And I talked to some of my interview sources for two of my articles. Even got out a couple of LOIs.

But mostly, I was a wreck.

My mom was perky until sometime in the middle of the night, when her arm started hurting badly. She’s in pain right now, and can take liquid Tylenol, so let’s hope that helps.

I’m not sure if we have to compete for a slot for the second shot, like we did for the first, or if it’s assigned. The paperwork says we have to compete, but several nurses along the way said we’d be emailed with the next slot.

It should happen right around my birthday, and I can’t think of a better gift.

So why is the headline on this post still about the distribution fail? Because it’s not all about me. There are thousands of people unable to get an appointment because of the chaos. I was lucky and dogged in staying online and trying and trying and trying. Too many people don’t have the resources to do that, or anyone who can help them. Until there’s equitable distribution, this will continue to happen.

This morning, I have to go into the office WITH a client, which I’m not too happy about. But it’s just a couple of hours, what would have happened yesterday. I’m hoping to get home before the snow starts.

I did some good work on GAMBIT COLONY this morning.

I looked at the sample budget for the second grant proposal, and the sample seems way off base from reality. I have to do some more research.

I’m looking forward to meditation this morning. I definitely need it. I’ll probably need another session when I get back home and decontaminate.

I’m worried about the people suffering in Texas, and furious at their governor and the other leaders who are perfectly happy to let them die, to prove their independence. They should all be indicted. Removed. Imprisoned. Hopefully, the federal aid will reach them soon, and not be turned away by the twats in charge.

Peace, friends.

Wed. Feb. 17, 2021: Die For Your Employer Day 273/MA Vaccine Distribution Fail Day 21 — Rolling the Boulder Uphill

image courtesy of Elias Sch via pixabay.com

Wednesday, February 17, 2021

Waxing Moon

Mercury Retrograde

Sunny and cold

Yesterday was a yucky, rainy day, but at least I got a lot done. Got client work done, a big email blast out, a lot of LOIs done, interview requests out (and even heard back from one requestee). Packed up another bookcase up in my bedroom.

Had some admin work come in, and also got some information that requires action today, which means an adjustment to today’s schedule, but it’s positive, so I’ll go with it.

On Ink-Dipped Advice, I talk about how we must restructure the work culture and move our passion-work to be central to our work lives.

I woke up to a lovely email from my state senator, who is working hard to get a more equitable vaccine distribution on Cape Cod, and is as frustrated and enraged by Governor Baker as I am. Cape Cod has the highest number of vulnerable seniors in the state, and gets the lowest number of vaccine doses, and not even a reliable number from the increased doses received every week. Yet there are vaccination sites all over the state with open appointments and expiring vaccines. Instead of addressing the problem, Baker continues to smirk and lie.

Plenty of seniors on Cape Cod, who vote Republican, plan to vote against Baker (a Republican) in the next election, provided they survive.

Today will be a stressful day on multiple levels, and there are so many things that could go sideways, I am causing myself even more stress. So I will have to deal with each thing as it comes up, and concentrate on surviving the day in a very literal way.

Have a good one, and we’ll catch up tomorrow!

Tues. Feb. 16, 2021: Die For Your Employer Day 272/MA Vaccine Distribution Fail Day 20 — Trying to Hold Steady

image courtesy of M. Maggs via pixabay.com

Tuesday, February 16, 2021

Waxing Moon

Mercury Retrograde

Icy rain and fog

Busy weekend, but that’s the way it is for the foreseeable future.

Worked on the grant proposal on Friday, which comprises three 250-word pitches. Working on them was fun. Decided to wait and send out the interview requests for the article for THE WRITER today, because I’m worried it will get lost over the holiday weekend. The pitch for that had most of the information I need, so those go out today.

Got out some LOIs.

Did not do my box quota; ran out of steam by lunchtime, which is what starting work a little after 4 AM will do.

Got some good work done on GAMBIT COLONY.

Looked for the start of a draft for a play I’d hoped to finish and submit yesterday; can’t find the draft anywhere, so it’s just not going to happen this cycle.

Jumped on the signup site for vaccines for tomorrow, out in Orleans. The first time, the site glitched and switched me from the Orleans facility to the Needham facility. I had to cancel that appointment and re-apply in Orleans; by the time I got the information all put in again, all the appointments were gone.

Again, why is the Cape only getting enough doses to have one site live PER WEEK, when sites all over the state are getting as many or more doses PER DAY?

And the county is saying we should go off Cape to get vaccinated. How many people can’t? I talked to my mother’s doctor’s office about that, when I had to call to get one of her medications adjusted. Their concern (which echoes mine) is especially about the second shot, especially if I’m able to get the “companion shot.” I won’t be able to drive that far directly after getting the shot. There’s a good chance we’ll both start feeling bad within 30 minutes and have to be careful for a couple of days. A day trip to get the shot is not possible. And it’s not safe to get someone else to drive us.

Baker’s swanning around, acting like everything is great, but Cape Cod is being ignored. It’s disgusting. It’s bad enough he’s demanded non-essentials workers put their lives in danger by working on site since last May to please tourists; now he won’t even give us access to vaccines. The Feds have increased the doses steadily, but they are not being distributed within the state properly.

But at least the signup site was sorta working, and my mom is on a waitlist tomorrow. I’m sure it’s with several thousand others, but it’s better than the previous week, when the sites weren’t even live when promised.

Up early on Saturday morning to do a dump run. Five bags of garbage and as much recycling as I could stuff into the car, which still wasn’t enough. There will be another dump run this week.

Stopped at the grocery store for a few things, swung through an empty Dunkin Donuts to use a gift card someone gave us, home, decontaminated.

Then, it was time to put in some more work on the grant proposal. I fixed some log lines and a few other things. My friend and I are reading each other’s pitches and helping each other hone them, which is helpful. I do want to get it out soon, though, and not wait until the end of the week.

I need to turn my attention to the other pitch, due March 1, which needs a production budget attached. As I worked on the proposal, I realized I don’t know what things cost anymore, so that requires some research this week.

Managed to purge 13 boxes on Saturday. Tossed A LOT, which was good. Lost some books to basement damp that I need, so I found replacement copies on Alibris and orders them. Repacked a bunch of stuff. Scrubbed the basement floor, where the boxes rested for so long. I’m going to put some boards down, and then restack the freshly-sorted boxes on top of the boards, so they don’t stick to the floor and get damp again.

Found some books relevant to current projects and put them aside. I have to configure some project bins so I can keep certain books handy.

Found a ton of writing books – fun to go through them again. Tried not to get too caught up in re-reading.

Packed up some of the books in my bedroom, and now things look more chaotic instead of less. I have A LOT of books in my bedroom.

The packing/moving tape I bought sucks. Sticks to itself, but not to the boxes.

Read the book for review. It’s delightful. What a gem, what a lovely, lovely book.

Up way too early on Sunday. Worked on GAMBIT COLONY. Wrote my review. Did another pass on the grant pitches.

Felt overwhelmed and exhausted.

Purged 12 more boxes from the basement, and scrubbed the floor some more. One whole wall’s worth of double-rowed boxes is nearly done. I just have the corner boxes to finish.

The bulk of those boxes were books. I’ve been re-sorting them and repacking them. The upside is that I’ve assembled a wonderful library over the years, especially when it comes to diaries, letters, women’s history, and the arts.

The downside is that some of the boxes of books were destroyed by being in the basement for so long, and, since it’s Cape Cod, the bottom boxes disintegrated in the damp. One set of Robert Louis Stevenson, leather-bound, from 1912, might not be able to be saved. Which is my own damn fault. But I’m trying.

Most of the lost books don’t need to be replaced. But five of the ones in this weekend’s purge do, and I found replacement copies at reasonable prices online. I ordered them, and they’ve already shipped. I am sorry to lose two of the original copies – they were signed by the author and had personal meaning to me. But it’s my own damn fault for not going through things in the basement once we moved, and not getting the boxes up off the floor.

One of the most difficult things the past days has been the constant negative talk inside my own head, telling me what a failure I am.  (If one more person tells me to “take a walk” to feel better, I will scream. TAKING A WALK IS NOT SAFE HERE DUE TO COVIDIOTS). I’m trying to halt each time the negative loop starts and turn it into something positive. Because the negative just drains me, and I don’t have the time to be drained and wallow right now.

It needs to be turned into POSITVE ACTIONS.

But fighting with that inner negative loop takes a lot of energy.

I’m exhausted and in pain from the physicality of scrubbing the basement floor and moving all the boxes around, unpacking, repacking, stacking, etc. But I can’t take any time off right now. The time doesn’t exist.

Sunday night into Monday, I dreamed of a dead black snake. A disturbing dream. I panicked when I looked up the interpretation of “black snake” – which is about evil and distrust (wait, you mean I’m surrounded by Republicans? No! – Yes, that is sarcasm). But then I remembered it’s a DEAD black snake, so I looked up that interpretation, which is positive transformation.

My subconscious is telling me to hang in there. And, when I listen to that quiet inner voice, I feel on track. But when I look at exterior logistics, I panic.

The exhaustion and the headaches don’t help. But I just have to keep going on.

Monday morning, I did some more work on GAMBIT revisions. And looked at the notes a friend gave me on the proposal.

I knew there was an incoming storm, and there was some stuff at the client’s office that couldn’t be done at home. I went in extra early (to make sure no one else would be in), loaded the photos I needed onto a flash drive, packed the order that needed to be shipped, and was out of there lickety split.

On the way in there, I stopped at Target, right when they opened, to pick up a few things, like toilet paper and garbage bags. And my favorite pens. You know, the necessities.

On the way back from the office, I stopped at CVS to pick up my mom’s adjusted prescription. I felt bad for the staff – the computers ran so slowly, which was causing all kinds of backups. And then, when I used the hand sanitizer, it squirted all over me, so I looked like I’d been hosed down in sanitizer. Too funny. Swung by the post office to drop off the shipment. It was small enough to fit in the bin in the lobby.

Home, decontaminated, did client work. Got up the Monday social media posts, finished the graphic for the email blast and got it out, created a graphic for another email blast (which I hope to get out today).

Got out some LOIs.

Did not look at the grant proposal, so that I could come back at it with fresh eyes today.

Got assigned two more books for review from my editor, and already started one of them, which is very good.

Worked on contest entries. I’m on the print books in the second category now, and they’re so all over the place. It’s kind of wonderful.

Hunted for vaccine appointments. No luck. I’m so sick of Baker treating the once-a-week sign up as thought it’s Black Friday, and then standing there smirking when people can’t get appointments. He’s saying that not enough doses are coming in. While that is true to a point, there are many more doses coming in now than there were a few weeks ago. It’s the distribution that’s a problem. There are sites all over the state with open appointments. There are sites all over the states with expiring doses. There are sites all over the state where you can book an appointment weeks in advance.

EXCEPT on Cape Cod, where one site opens to book appointments once a week, if we’re lucky. And the slots fill up in ten minutes or less. Which is ridiculous. The problem is not on the federal level – they’re ramping things up as fast as they can, and increasing dosage deliveries. The problem is at the state level.

Baker’s office.

Not to mention that the county continues to have a slew of sites listed that AREN’T LIVE. That aren’t getting doses or booking appointments.  So Baker points to the site to say there are so many locations – but if none of them have doses or take appointments, it doesn’t matter. It’s not real.

I packed up some boxes of books in my bedroom yesterday afternoon, and I’m taking down the folding bookcases in the room as I empty them.

Tessa is not amused.

I did some work on GAMBIT COLONY this morning. I have another ad to design for a client later on. Have some LOIs to get out, and I’m going to send out interview requests for THE WRITER article today. I’m hoping the power stays on, so that I can do some work in the basement this afternoon, but if it doesn’t, I’ll pack more in my room. I’ll set the logs in the fireplace later this morning, so we can light it if necessary.

As I’m searching through the boxes, I’m finding the print copies of articles not available online. I’m stacking them by the scanner, so I can scan them and put them in my clip file and online portfolios.

Why has WordPress changed the font suddenly? Why is every WordPress upgrade actually a downgrade?

Have a good one, friends.

Mon. Feb. 15, 2021: Intent for the Week — Utilizing Ox Energy

image courtesy of Capri23auto via pixabay.com

The Year of the Metal Ox began on Friday. I intend to use Ox energy this week — plowing forward, steady and methodical, organizing what I need to reach my goals.

It’s also Presidents’ Day, but the way the GOP Senators are making a mockery of our democracy, I’m going to focus on Ox energy.

Fri. Feb. 12, 2021: Die For Your Employer Day 268/MA Vaccine Distribution Fail Day 16 — Chinese Lunar New Year

image courtesy of Jason Goh via pixabay.com

Friday, February 12, 2021

Waxing Moon

Mercury Retrograde

Chinese Lunar New Year

Cloudy and cold

Xin Nian Kuai Le!

Gong Hey Fat Choi!

The first is Mandarin for “Happy New Year” and the second is Cantonese for “Congratulations and prosperity.”

I wish you all both, as we enter this year of the Ox! Not just any Ox, but the Metal Ox. Methodical, moving forward, yet change that anchors us. I could certainly use Ox energy for the next few months! It is supposed to be slow and steady, holding pattern before movement. However, in my life, I need movement early in the year, and then I need/want some settling time. The Metal Ox, in particular, encourages cleaning one’s home, getting rid of clutter (so purging the basement is right on target), keeping things tidy. Well, with everything being re-organized and boxed, not so much at the moment, but we’ll get there.

2022 is the Year of the Tiger (my year) and is about leaping forward. However, this Tiger needs to do some leaping in the coming months, then settle and prepare for next year’s momentum.

Tonight, I will be preparing food in honor of the holiday: trout (should be carp, but I have trout), long noodles, dumplings.

I miss the Lion Dance I always attended, in both San Francisco and New York, so I will watch it online instead.

I miss my Asian friends more than ever during this time. They included me in their celebrations, and it was a delight.

But I intend to make it a positive celebration, even during a pandemic.

Yesterday was, actually, a pretty good day. Other than starting it by spiling coffee on a light-colored rug.

But I got some LOIs out, I got interview requests out for one of my articles for SCRIPT, I did some research for the second article. I also landed another article from THE WRITER (which also has a fairly short turnaround). Those interview requests will go out today.

I was annoyed because my time was wasted by yet another recruiter. He hadn’t told me he was a recruiter when he asked for the meeting – he claimed to be from one of the companies to whom I sent an LOI. I thought I was having a preliminary conversation with a potential new client.

But no. Not only was he late for the call appointment, but he was also completely unprepared. When I realized he was a recruiter, I started to cut things off. He then to convince me I should RELOCATE ON MY OWN DIME for a job I wouldn’t have taken in the first place. I cut him off pretty damn quick and ended the conversation. What a waste of everything.

I am so sick of these recruiters – they misrepresent to get the meeting, they’re unprepared, they can’t/won’t answer questions, and it’s not at all about finding the best candidate for any company – it’s about the number of people they can put on their list on any given day. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again – I haven’t dealt with a recruiter in the past 10 years who wasn’t a complete waste of space. I thought I’d found an exception a couple of weeks ago, but I was wrong.

The downside of LINKEDIN, where a lot of them are finding me. Other companies are just handing my LOIs over to recruiters who don’t even bother to read the material.

Freelance chat was fun, and I learned a few things about tiered levels of customer packaging. I have to think about how I can apply it.

The 15 GOP Senators who couldn’t be bothered to sit through yesterday’s trial should be refused a vote in it. So should the Senators who met with the Sociopath’s attorneys.

Supposedly, 800 vaccine appointments will open on Cape at noon today. I’m going to try to jump on one of them for my mom. We’ll see if it actually goes live, or if it’s like it usually is, where the link doesn’t work, and then, suddenly, all the appointments are “full.”

Every time I see Baker smirk through another press conferences, especially now that he thinks it’s FUNNY people are scamming seniors so they can go with them to vaccine appointments as a “caretaker” and get vaccinated, too – I want to smack that smirk right off his face.

Every other area of MA continues to get more vaccine doses than they can use. But the Cape remains a wasteland. We shouldn’t have to take a six hour round trip to get vaccinated.

Knowledge Unicorns was fun. We finished up a bunch of assignments, because they are on vacation next week (so we all have a break). They’d been assigned some work for the break, but we pushed through most of it last night, so they will actually, you know, HAVE A VACATION. Even though they can’t go anywhere.

Got my box quota purged yesterday. Hope I can do the same today. Then, there will be a dump run tomorrow morning. Garage is full of garbage and recycling from the purge.

Today, I will do a library run for a curbside pickup.

I need to spend time on the grant proposals, get out the interview questions for the other article, and work on a play that’s suddenly on deadline (It had been an open call for submission, but now has a deadline of Monday). Don’t know if I can get it in shape in time, but I want to try.

Have a great weekend, my friends. Let’s hope we all get vaccinated soon.

Thurs. Feb. 11, 2021: Die For Your Employer Day 267/MA Vaccine Distribution Fail Day 15 — Still Winter

image courtesy of Franz Bachinger via pixabay.com

Thursday, February 11, 2021

New Moon

Mercury Retrograde

Snowy and cold

The latest on the garden is up on Gratitude and Growth.

Yesterday was a stressful mess. Twisted communications messed up technology, fumbles, stumbles, frustrations. Nothing was really anyone’s fault – for the most part, everyone was doing the best they could. But it was a difficult day.

It was even more difficult not to beat myself up for not getting through it better and getting more done.

I forgot to mention that, on Tuesday, the Dig Safe guy came out in the snowstorm to plant little flags and paint the snow. Does he not comprehend that the snow will have to melt before any digging happens? That there’s no way I can keep track of all these little flags? Is there no basic common sense going on here?

Yes, the latter question is rhetorical.

Managed to get home in one piece, decontaminate, and made it to Remote Chat, albeit a bit late. The Chat was fun and restorative, as usual.

Spent some time on the acupressure mat. I’m sore from all the shoveling.  Tessa was happy for the company and very busy.

My mother’s blood pressure medication has brought down her blood pressure too far, so I have to call the doctor again to readjust it.

The Atlas coffee shipment arrived – Honduras is this month’s theme. It’s quite good, although yet another light roast. I wonder if I should shift to requesting dark roasts for a few months.

Noodling with ideas for the grants. I’ve blocked out some serious time to free write on them, my type of Writer’s Rough, so I can extract and polish the 250 words I need for each idea to fit into the proposal. Next week, I’ll get into some serious budgeting for the other grant proposal.

The Senate trial is truly chilling. What’s as enraging as the content of the evidence are the Senators with their feet up ignoring it. They put their feet up in the Chamber? Whack their kneecaps, make them sit up and pay attention. I’m sick of this entitlement. We already know it doesn’t matter to them, that they WISH some of their colleagues had been murdered. We already know they are traitors and need to be removed, imprisoned, and then exiled.

Governor Baker continues to screw the distribution of vaccines in the state. Two new sites are opening. Again, nothing on Cape. A mall in Natick will get 500 doses PER DAY, but this area gets 975 doses PER WEEK. Every other area of the state is getting increased doses EXCEPT Cape Cod. Anywhere else I try to get an appointment means a full day’s trip. I might be able to get vaccinated at the same time as my mom, since I am her caregiver, but how am I supposed to drive three hours to a site, and then three hours back after a vaccine, when one is supposed to sit and be watched for 30 minutes, and then rest for at least a day, up to three days? How am I supposed to expect a 96-year-old woman to take a day-long road trip with no facilities available that don’t put her at risk of getting COVID?

Last night, at the site in Danvers, 300 random people got to show up and get vaccinated because doses were expiring.  They weren’t on an official wait list. They just heard through word of mouth, that the doses were available and would expire, and had to wait out in the cold and snow to get them.

I’m glad the doses were used. I believe we all have the “right” to the vaccine and I have no problem with anyone getting it at any time. But why is the distribution so disorganized that there are doses expiring all over the state and NONE available on Cape, with its large elder population? A population that doesn’t have the mobility to travel all over the state in search of doses?

This is on Baker and his office. And he smirks his way through daily briefings, stating things that just aren’t connected to reality.

And these sites – you’re required to go back for the second dose, but what if there aren’t any appointments for the second dose? It makes no sense. The chaos is enraging and completely unnecessary. Like I said, I could do better with Google Docs than they’ve done.

And this is squarely on Baker. The state is getting dosage increases every week, and Baker is routing them badly.

Today, I have online meditation group, which I really, REALLY need. At noon, I have a virtual meeting with a potential new client – kind of feeling each other out, a preliminary meeting. I have to get out some LOIs, get work done on the proposals, and get out some of the interview requests for an article.

If it’s not too cold in the basement, I have to scrub the basement floor, and then purge at least 5 boxes. I’ve been lax about box purging this week.

I already spilled coffee on the light-colored rug in my office (that belongs to the house, not me), and have carpet cleaner soaking into it.

Not the start I hoped to the day, but let’s hope it gets better.

Wed. Feb. 10, 2021: Die For Your Employer day 266/MA Vaccine Distribution Fail Day 14 — More Snow

image courtesy of Suzanne Stockli via pixabay.com

Wednesday, February 10, 2021

Dark Moon

Mercury Retrograde

Snowy and cold

There’s a post over on Ink-Dipped Advice about how words are used (and mis-used) in job descriptions.

I was up way too early yesterday, but I got a lot done. I got some photo stuff done for a client, which will be built on today. I have to go in and actually look at the pieces before I can get them up on the client’s website, so that’s on the agenda for today.

Got the second part of the article into PDF format and sent it to those quoted in the article.

Did some research for the next two articles I was assigned. Interview requests start going out tomorrow.

Got out some LOIs.

Have a preliminary meeting (virtual) tomorrow at noon with a potential new client.

Had some good exchanges with some people from high school, in preparation for the upcoming 40^th reunion.

Noodled a bit with stuff for the proposal. Will sit down and do some serious writing on that tomorrow and Friday. There’s another grant proposal coming up for which I want to apply, too, and I have to research budget figures for that.

Worked on contest entries. I have all the print books done in the first batch of one category, and am moving to the next category. I will do the digital entries when I’m finished with the print entries.

Got an email that there were two vaccine clinics this week here on Cape. Went to the site – no information live. It kept saying the clinics didn’t exist. But the email link kept sending me to the page that said the clinics didn’t exist. Kept going back over and over all day. Suddenly, there’s a statement that they’re all full.

If I’m not fast enough signing up, that’s luck of the draw. But when the site isn’t even live – how is it getting filled?

The disorganization and incompetence are enraging.

And Governor Baker, smirking in his briefing with “Hang on until you’re a priority.” Fuck you, Baker. People are DYING.

The Senate trial for the Sociopath’s conviction started yesterday. The Republicans have already decided not to convict, and that makes them as traitorous as the Sociopath. All of this, “oh, they’re scared and if it was a secret vote they’d convict” is complete and utter bullshit. They are NOT doing this because they are afraid of retribution or violence from the Sociopath’s supports. They are doing this because they AGREE with him. They wish the insurrection had succeeded the first time, and that their colleagues had been murdered. They have to ALL be removed.

We do not negotiate with terrorists, and they are terrorists, and must be so handled.

Snowed yesterday, but not enough so I have to shovel again. Managed to do a quick run to the library for curbside pickup.

Knowledge Unicorns was fun. The kids are doing really well. There’s some confusion about whether or not there will be a break next week, or if there’s going to be classes/homework group. We’ll have more details tomorrow.

Today will be stressful in the morning, but hopefully, I can join Remote Chat this afternoon, and then have a productive afternoon. It was too cold to scrub the basement floor yesterday, so I’m going to try to do that this afternoon. I need to have that space to move the newly sorted boxes.

Lots to get done, in a short period of time, and I need to stay focused.

At least I got some good work done on GAMBIT COLONY the past few days. That serves as a springboard to loosen creativity on other projects.