Wednesday, April 19, 2009

Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Dark Moon
Pluto Retrograde
Jupiter Retrograde
Uranus Retrograde
Humid and hot

I puttered around and got work done in the morning, got the grocery shopping done, took care of some other business. Then, I headed off to CT for some site work in the afternoon, and also managed to get some other client work done and out. I cooked, for the first time in a few days, which was a nice change. When I’m stressed out, I lose my appetite, and the computer situation’s been stressing me out so much I haven’t been eating properly, pretty much only one meal a day. So, I’m trying to get back on track.

Meditation group was interesting — only one of the same people from my last session, but two other people who come pretty regularly and two new people. They said that last week it was packed — about twenty people — which must have been an interesting experience. Of the new people, one was really open to the experience and one was not. The latter kept trying to force confrontation, and no one engaged, so she was left spinning in her own bile. Anyway, I got a lot out of it, and, although it will probably be about two weeks again before I can go back, I’d like to keep working with this particular group. The structure of the meditation works well for me, and I find the interpersonal dynamics interesting without feeling as though I need to engage with anyone who’s trying to make it all about them or push negativity onto anyone else. The negativity is spewed and then dissipates; the rest of us aren’t touched by it, and the spewer is left feeling rather confused at not getting the desired reaction. It’s quite an unusual scenario. In any group, everyone plays a role, and my role in this group has developed into the one who makes the comment that gets everyone to laugh when the mood needs to shift, without being negative. Positive wit rather than negative humor.

I definitely have some philosophical questions that are formulating, which I will bring up in the coming weeks, but I want to see how the natural dynamic comes into play.

More preparations for Prague. I find Czech history very confusing, but I’m trying to wade through these books anyway. Language-wise, I’m not putting in the time and picking it up as quickly as I’d like — I have to get back to that again when the moon turns and it’s easier to begin a new project. Granted, there’s very little time for this project, but hopefully, I can use the turn of the moon phase as a catalyst to get me back on track. I also have to call the exchange bureau to find out when I can pick up my currency.

Difficult morning’s writing. I have to look up a few things for “Amends” and I forgot what that arched trellis thing one puts in a garden and lets vines and roses, etc. grow over is called. I want to say “arbor”, but I’m not sure that’s correct.

“Amends is developing nicely; I’m very happy with it. It’s just that now I have to stop and look up a few things before I can continue. But it feels good to be in a steady writing rhythm again.

I’m weary, and I’m tired of worrying, every time I turn the computer on and off, that everything will go kaplooey. But, until I have a sustained period of time where the computer works well, that’s the way it’s going to be.

Elsa’s been a little under the weather for the past few days again, and I was worried about her. But I changed something dietary yesterday, and it’s made a big difference. She perked up within an hour, and has been engaged and playful ever since. Well, she is my “special needs” cat.

Back to the page. I want to get a good day’s writing in today. I’m out of the office for most of the day tomorrow, on an adventure, so I have to get a lot done today.


Published in: on August 19, 2009 at 8:25 am  Comments (7)  
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  1. I think “Arbor” is correct, actually. My neighbors had a curved arch with flowers on it, and they called it an arbor. Maybe it’s a location thing, and it’s called different names? (kind of how East coasters call Pop “Soda,” etc.) 😉

    You need to eat! If you don’t feed your body, your brain won’t be able to write! Yeah, I’m the Common Sense Guru this morning. I do hope you find the rhythm soon. Hang in there!

    • Lara, you’re absolutely correct, I have to eat properly, whether I feel like it or not!

  2. I’ve not heard the word “kaplooey” for years! Made me laugh (though the context made me frown).

    Couple of queries:

    1) In your opinion, is a new moon a time you use to spur yourself into fresh optimism or is it something you feel subconciously affects us all?

    2) Can you recommend a good book/resource to use for someone thinking of trying meditation? I like the suond of it, and I’ve read books that mention it but not how to achieve it.

    Cheers – and have a fab day!

    • Moon cycles affect us all, whether we believe it or not! It’s too tied into the natural rhythms/tides of our bodies.

      The spur of energy can be used for new beginnings, new projects, or re-aligning ourselves when we get off track.

      Waning moon is for letting go/completing, so if you start something during a waning moon cycle, there’s more of a likelihood for it to go off-track or fall by the wayside. A new moon is a good time to recommit if that happens — because you can’t always wait to start something on a new moon.

      As far as meditation books, honestly, the best one I’ve read so far is A COMPLETE IDIOT’S GUIDE TO MEDITATION. It’s practical and stays away from a lot of what, after ten or twenty pages, just turns into “blah, blah, blah”.

      The leader of this meditation group gave us a reading list. The title I find most intriguing on it, and with which I want to start is RADICAL ACCEPTANCE: EMBRACING YOUR LIFE WITH THE HEART OF A BUDDHA by Tara Brach. I’ll let you know what I think of it!

  3. The woman who was forcing confrontation – it’s what our group calls “clash.” Sometimes karma comes rolling in when you least expect it, and usually as you’re beginning down your spiritual past. The karmic chum stirred up from the past will get in the way. It’s the cosmos telling you “Deal with it in order to move beyond it.” It can come at the most blissful times, or it can come as you’re starting out or after years of practice, etc., etc. Either way, it blindsides you. I remember one of my clash episodes – it was my reminder to be assertive and not allow people to force themselves into my life enough to disrupt it.

    I hope she finds her way through it. Doubtful, as it can really send you reeling and you have to be dedicated to wanting to work through it.

    • That’s really interesting. She never meditated before, and she really wanted confrontation and argument with others in the group, and everyone just accepted that she was having a rough time and let her know it was fine to have a rough time, which just made her madder.

      In most group dynamics, I wind up being the Warrior — if you attack someone in the group, you need to go through me, and they’ll be wiping bits of you off the pavement for months — but the dynamic in this group doesn’t need a Warrior, and I’m surprised that I’ve made enough progress not to rise to such bait.

  4. Please don’t forget to eat, your body needs those nutrients to help you deal with all the stress you have going on. Sorry to hear Elsa wasn’t feeling well, but am glad you have found a solution. I’ll keep thinking good thoughts for you.

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