February 10, 2007

Saturday, February 10, 2007
Waning Moon
Saturn Retrograde
Cloudy and cold

Tired. Even without the commute, the show schedule is getting to me.

So . . .this year, daylight savings time starts early. ON MY BIRTHDAY. I lose a precious hour of sleep ON MY BIRTHDAY. No fair!!!

I got out of the apartment later than I wanted to yesterday morning, because two guys were arguing on the street, and I didn’t feel like getting shot. Call me selfish, but I just didn’t have time.

When I finally got outside, I experienced one of the upsides of urban living – I got all my errands done in twenty minutes, because everything was in about a three block all the way around radius. One block to the bank; one more block to the post office; the end of that block to Dunkin’ Donuts; one more block to the grocery store; next to it, the farmer’s market; across the street to the newsstand; half a block back to the apartment.

The same set of errands would have taken at least two hours out in suburbia.

At the market, I ran into some of the neighborhood firefighters, and we caught up. I hadn’t seen them in ages. When I lived just a few blocks from here, for the thirteen years I lived in that building, my daily routes took me past several firehouses, and I got to know the guys pretty well. Not necessarily by name, but just the daily contact one has in the neighborhood. Plus, there were a couple of fires in my building when I lived there, and they were always great with us (and spoiled my cats rotten). Many of the ones I knew died on September 11. Those wounds don’t heal; you just have to learn to live with them. The ones who survived are training the newer guys. So I caught up with the guys I knew, and met some of the new ones in the neighborhood. It was nice to reconnect.

Went back to the apartment and made a sort of a beef goulash for Artie to eat when he arrives home on Sunday night. The market didn’t have any parsnips, which was disappointing – I like the taste and texture they add to a stew.

Did a lot of paperwork, cleaned the apartment. I’ve tried to stay neat, but as the days go by on the show schedule, I’ve spread out. Since I need to finish packing tonight because I go back home after the matinee tomorrow, I thought I’d get a head start.

I love Artie’s cats dearly – they’re so sweet and affectionate. But I also miss my girls, and, from what my mom tells me, Violet is depressed without me. Elsa and Iris stick to my mom like Velcro, but Violet goes off by herself and seems sad. She doesn’t want my mom to pick her up or anything. Poor little thing.

The work on Tumble went very, very slowly. I’m trying to figure out if I’m replacing sections, re-structuring them, moving them around, adding them, cutting them, or what combination of the above. None of that can be done in short pockets of time. I just get into the rhythm of it, and then I have to stop and go to the theatre. Very frustrating. I need three or four days of 12-14 hour stretches with no other demands on my time to really sink into the world and figure it all out.

Show was frustrating; plus I started getting chills. I can’t get sick right now – it’s my job not to. Yes, something’s going around the theatre, but it has to take a number like everything else. Part of it, I think, is because I’m very angry about a situation at work that is completely out of my control. I thought I was adjusting my response to it; in reality, I think I’ve been trying to suppress my anger, and it’s manifesting as illness.

And the stupid thing is, in the course of the Universe, it means so little, although in the current context it’s important to me. I just have to find a way to let it go. Passive aggressive behavior towards me (or anyone around me), however, turns me into a warrior, whether or not it’s appropriate.

Hopefully, I can do a good meditation before I leave for a two show day today and get it in the proper perspective. I woke up feeling pretty lousy, so I’m going back to bed for a few more hours before leaving for the show. Supposedly, they’re working on the boiler today, so the heat will be off from 9 AM – 3 PM – I’ll leave for the show at 11:30, and put a fresh hot water bottle into the quilt for the cats. I don’t believe for a second they’re actually working on the boiler, since the heat’s been working just fine; I think they’re trying to save money on yet another day when it’s in the 30s.

Fluctuations in temperature, exhaustion, frustration, and pollution are all, I’m sure, contributing factors to me not feeling well. Two shows today, one tomorrow, I go home tomorrow night, and I go to acupuncture on Monday, so that will get me shaped up for next week.

And I’m keeping my eye on the prize – a day off on February 19.

Devon